Do not ignore violence in children

May 01, 2012

Hajat Mariam, a mother of eight, recalls the time when one of her children, Ahmed, was growing. “If we left him with other children, we would find them crying.

 

Hajat Mariam, a mother of eight, recalls the time when one of her children, Ahmed, was growing. “If we left him with other children, we would find them crying.
 
When asked, they would all point to Ahmed. He was such a bully. To minimise the harm, I would give him chores to do and only allow him to join others after promising not to beat them,” says Mariam. Adding, she was often summoned to Ahmed’s school after he had hurt other children.
 
Mariam also says one time they had to let him stay at home when school started until he promised to change.
 
Missing school that term helped him to calm down. He eventually turned into a caring boy.
Other parents recall having done nothing but waited and hoped, until the children outgrew their aggressiveness. 
Annet Ahimbisibwe is one such parent. Her son would destroy everything in his way. “There was nothing we could do when Raymond became violent. But when he calmed down, he would be a good boy,” Ahimbisibwe says about her son.
 
“When left on his own with no one to disturb, he would dismantle anything from the radio to the TV remote control. But by God’s grace by the time he did his O’level he had changed. He later became the favourite of all my children,” says the jovial mother.
 
Growing up in a big family, Richard was his father’s favourite, something his siblings resented. One day, while they were having tea, one of his brothers used a cup, which Richard particularly liked. Richard started a fight with his brother who poured the hot tea on Richard. The scar on his chest is still there as a reminder of that day. The incident humbled him but did not completely eliminate his violent behaviour.
 
Adyeri Kateeba, a counsellor and mother, says most times, children act out what they see around them; at school, on TV or at home. For instance, if parents settle their differences violently, the children will most certainly take to violent means as a way of settling any of their misunderstandings. Violence begets violence.
 
In situations where it is the older child who is aggressive, always beating on the younger ones, the trick is to get the younger one to fight back. Having a younger child reciprocate will make them realize that what they did is not right.
 
Kateeba adds that being aggressive is not for older children only.
 
Children as young as preschool age can exhibit violent behaviour. Violent or aggressive behaviour in a child of any age has to be taken seriously. Children who behave aggressively and violently wish to purposely harm others. 
Aggression and violence in children can manifest through kicking, spitting, biting, pushing, hitting, throwing objects and destroying property.
 
Causes of childhood aggression include frustration, stress, low self-esteem, poor problem solving ability, emotional problems, temperament, and exposure to violence at home or in the community
 
HOW TO TAME A VIOLENT CHILD
According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (ASCAP), violent behaviour can be handled by:
 
Stress-free home: Set a tone for peace and tranquility in your home to help your violent children feel calm.
 
Be selective about what kinds of television shows your children watch. Do not allow them to see shows that portray violence as being funny or an acceptable way to handle problems in life.
 
Activity: Give your children opportunities to get rid of their excess energy by allowing them to play outside and to run around freely. Activities like cycling, football, swimming or any other games they enjoy. 
 
A reward system: Provide your aggressive children with consistent, positive attention during the times when they behave appropriately.
 
Children tend to repeat behavior that is reinforced by parental attention, so pay attention to the positive things your children do to encourage them to continue behaving well.
 
Be an example: Set a positive example for your children by controlling your own temper. Learn how to express your own anger in peaceful and quiet ways, as this behaviour can serve as a model for your children to follow when they get upset.
 
Acceptance: Set boundaries for acceptable behaviour, particularly when a child gets angry. Tell the child that it is alright to be angry, but they should not hurt others.
 
 

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