The power of Ps

By Bob G. Kisiki

There  are three things I’ve always wanted to see in the physical: A plane’s cockpit, the inside of a child’s mind and – hold your breath awhile – women’s hormones.

 

Why do all women’s hormones behave like them – like women? Unpredictable, volatile, bossy and adorable, those traits not always working together, and not all in every woman, of course.

 

You only need to study women when they are hosting their monthly visitors, the Ladies in Red, for you to appreciate how powerful hormones can be. I want to meet women’s hormones someday.

 

When what women call ‘that time of the month’ comes, you’ll notice the different ways different women react to the power of the resident hormones at that time. You think it is for no reason that women call those things by different euphemisms? Let us go through the names, so you can see how the names correspond with the character of the woman.

 

But before we do that, guys, this is so you may know that if she’s always been different, then she begins to behave at variance with her normal character, chances are some hormones are pulling her strings.

 

I know some people find other names for the menstrual flow not because they can’t say menstrual periods, but because it is sometimes an uncomfortable topic. However, Ps (as some call them) are a reality… a bloody reality. So women, depending on how they behave when the time’s on them, call them by these names:

 

I have already cited the Ps name. I don’t eat peas, and the reason is not limited to their lousy taste. It’s also because their name rhymes with this euphemism for periods. Have you noticed that some women, when they’re in their Ps, eat like it’s D-day? They do, my friend.

 

The other category is of those who, when the period is ripe, say Red Ants have entered their house. Intriguing reference, but you must keep your mind on the nature of safari ants. No nonsense. You cross her during those three, four, five and, unfortunately, sometimes more days, and she can bite you before you can call your mommy.

 

Unlike the safari ants lot, there are those who call the Red Letter Days ‘Aunt Flo’. Such a fond name. Lovable and loving. I had a friend like this, and Myriam always needed to be protected around that time, else opportunists would take advantage of her. She was warm (even to the touch), soft (refer back to the previous parentheses) and quite chatty. Oh, and she could hardly keep her hands off other people. Then Aunt Flo would leave at the end of about five days, and Myriam would, like a tortoise, withdraw into her reclusive shell.

 

Yet not all who host visitors are as amiable. Yes, there’s the category who say of their Ps, ‘oh, those visitors are back again!’ and you can see their irritation at hosting the same visitors, every month, every year. She is irritable, disgusted and not very hospitable. Even if you’re her fond friend, you’re better off letting her host one set of visitors at a go. 

 

I heard one who announced loud and clear, ‘don’t touch me like that; my moment of womanhood is on’. A guy was doing those things some guys do with just about every woman, touching them here and pinching them there. Now for a woman like this one, a lot of care has to be taken.

 

She is at her most feminine when the Ps are on. Coy, full and inviting. The skin clears, looking like an apple’s, her eyes do an angelic dance and something about her voice makes her taboo to listen to longer than necessary.But there are also those who are unaffected, Ps or no Ps. In fact for them, there’s no problem with saying they are in their periods. Period.

 

Isn’t it just glorious that these things don’t last forever! For, if a daughter of Eve is going to host emotions and character traits she’s not familiar with and, therefore, can’t control, isn’t it good that you only deal with her for a handful of days?