YOUR PLATFORM: The Domestic Relations Bill Is Right On Bride Price
Dec 09, 2003
Last year, I accompanied a young man to meet the parents of his wife-to-be.
By Vat Kamatsiko
Last year, I accompanied a young man to meet the parents of his wife-to-be. The ceremonies to determine bride price are a male domain. Women have no say despite the fact that they suffer in labour, give birth to girls and groom them into womanhood.
The groom-to-be had gulped many beers and by the time we reached our destination in Western Uganda, he was sweating. On arrival, we presented them with gifts. The clan was impressed.
After eating, we settled down to an unending process of negotiations. It started with a note from the girl’s clan. The note articulated the expected bride price, not in form of cows, but in millions of shillings.
Before we arrived at the girl’s home, we had agreed as a matter of strategy to insist on paying in form of cows. We perceived we would pay less this way. We sent back a note that we wanted the equivalent of the millions in cows. Later, the notes were found inconveniencing and we resorted to verbal negotiations.
We haggled until we reached a compromise of sh3.5m to be paid within six months from that day and a wedding to follow immediately. We were then shown our wife and the process ended.
It is difficult to appreciate such cultural practices because up to now, the young man has not fulfiled any of the above conditions. Neither has the bride price been paid nor have they said “I do.†The man and woman are, however, cohabiting and now have a baby boy. If bride price was not a condition for marriage, may be they would have been married by now.
The original concept of bride price has changed. Bride price was a symbol of recognition and appreciation; and it consolidated the relationship between the two families. Today, bride price has been monetised and is perceived as a source of wealth.
Notwithstanding the burden, there are as many people who cherish the practice as those who detest it.
While presenting a memorandum to the Constitutional Review Commission last year, Angela Aciro from Pader District, proposed that there should be no payment of bride price, but instead gifts could be given.
She also proposed that the marriage gifts should be optional, non-refundable and exchanged between both families in appreciation of both the woman and the man intending to marry. The Domestic Relations Bill (DRB) takes a similar position.
There are a number of justifications for the above proposals. Bride price is dehumanising and accords women the status of a saleable item.
In addition, once bride price is exchanged, women are referred to as property, denying them the right to own property in the guise that “property cannot own property.â€
Women are also denied the right to participate in decision making in the home and bride price has been used to justify domestic violence.
Men have been forced to pay bride price for their dead wives in instances where a man’s wife dies before he has paid it. Bride price is a basis for widow inheritance. A widow may be forced to marry a relative of her deceased husband because bride price ties her to that clan.
This violates the rights of the widow and that of the man who must marry the widow without consent or choice.
Bride price may also extend beyond the woman for whom it was paid to cover her female relatives.
In case of death of a woman for whom bride price was paid, her husband may select another woman from the deceased’s family.
The woman selected to replace the dead one may have no choice. A man’s right to marry a woman of his choice or vice versa, may likewise be violated in case the man is incapable of paying the bride price. In some cultures, cows acquired as bride price are referred to as cows from so and so’s virgina.
Why the proposal to change from “bride price†to “marriage gifts?â€
The connotation in bride price is that of selling someone. Changing this to marriage gifts gives it a completely new undertone that is in line with the above proposals. Gifts are given to show appreciation, friendship, affection or support. One gives a gift when one feels they should. A gift is not demanded. You do not determine what you are given. Since it is a gift, one cannot ask it back in case of a misunderstanding or souring of relationships between the giver and the given. You cannot even tell the person that the gift he or she has given is not deserving, is of poor quality. You can only complain behind the curtains.
Although the practice of bride price is recognised under the law of Customary Marriages (Registration Decree), it is unconstitutional. It falls under those cultural practices prohibited by Article 33(6) of the 1995 Constitution –– cultures, customs and traditions which are against the dignity, welfare or interest of women or which undermine their status.
This calls for an amendment to the Customary Marriages (Registration Decree). Uganda’s Third Country Status Report on the Convention on the Elimination of all forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) equates the practice of bride price to a transfer of productive and reproductive services to the man’s family.
In India, where there is a comparable practice of dowry payment, where a woman brings property to her husband’s home at marriage, the dowry system was prohibited by the Dowry Prohibition Act, which was passed as early as 1961.
This Act was passed to combat the evils of the dowry system. Such evils include dowry deaths and cruelty by husbands and their relatives. Several other laws were enacted to reinforce this Act. In circumstances where a woman is forced to commit suicide due to cruel treatment from a husband or his relatives, these face penalties.
There is also a law that made post-mortem examination compulsory, in case a woman committed suicide in suspicious circumstances within seven years of her marriage.
Uganda can also legislate against negative cultural practices, such as bride price, as the DRB attempts to do. It is a burden for both women and men.
Ends
Last year, I accompanied a young man to meet the parents of his wife-to-be. The ceremonies to determine bride price are a male domain. Women have no say despite the fact that they suffer in labour, give birth to girls and groom them into womanhood.
The groom-to-be had gulped many beers and by the time we reached our destination in Western Uganda, he was sweating. On arrival, we presented them with gifts. The clan was impressed.
After eating, we settled down to an unending process of negotiations. It started with a note from the girl’s clan. The note articulated the expected bride price, not in form of cows, but in millions of shillings.
Before we arrived at the girl’s home, we had agreed as a matter of strategy to insist on paying in form of cows. We perceived we would pay less this way. We sent back a note that we wanted the equivalent of the millions in cows. Later, the notes were found inconveniencing and we resorted to verbal negotiations.
We haggled until we reached a compromise of sh3.5m to be paid within six months from that day and a wedding to follow immediately. We were then shown our wife and the process ended.
It is difficult to appreciate such cultural practices because up to now, the young man has not fulfiled any of the above conditions. Neither has the bride price been paid nor have they said “I do.†The man and woman are, however, cohabiting and now have a baby boy. If bride price was not a condition for marriage, may be they would have been married by now.
The original concept of bride price has changed. Bride price was a symbol of recognition and appreciation; and it consolidated the relationship between the two families. Today, bride price has been monetised and is perceived as a source of wealth.
Notwithstanding the burden, there are as many people who cherish the practice as those who detest it.
While presenting a memorandum to the Constitutional Review Commission last year, Angela Aciro from Pader District, proposed that there should be no payment of bride price, but instead gifts could be given.
She also proposed that the marriage gifts should be optional, non-refundable and exchanged between both families in appreciation of both the woman and the man intending to marry. The Domestic Relations Bill (DRB) takes a similar position.
There are a number of justifications for the above proposals. Bride price is dehumanising and accords women the status of a saleable item.
In addition, once bride price is exchanged, women are referred to as property, denying them the right to own property in the guise that “property cannot own property.â€
Women are also denied the right to participate in decision making in the home and bride price has been used to justify domestic violence.
Men have been forced to pay bride price for their dead wives in instances where a man’s wife dies before he has paid it. Bride price is a basis for widow inheritance. A widow may be forced to marry a relative of her deceased husband because bride price ties her to that clan.
This violates the rights of the widow and that of the man who must marry the widow without consent or choice.
Bride price may also extend beyond the woman for whom it was paid to cover her female relatives.
In case of death of a woman for whom bride price was paid, her husband may select another woman from the deceased’s family.
The woman selected to replace the dead one may have no choice. A man’s right to marry a woman of his choice or vice versa, may likewise be violated in case the man is incapable of paying the bride price. In some cultures, cows acquired as bride price are referred to as cows from so and so’s virgina.
Why the proposal to change from “bride price†to “marriage gifts?â€
The connotation in bride price is that of selling someone. Changing this to marriage gifts gives it a completely new undertone that is in line with the above proposals. Gifts are given to show appreciation, friendship, affection or support. One gives a gift when one feels they should. A gift is not demanded. You do not determine what you are given. Since it is a gift, one cannot ask it back in case of a misunderstanding or souring of relationships between the giver and the given. You cannot even tell the person that the gift he or she has given is not deserving, is of poor quality. You can only complain behind the curtains.
Although the practice of bride price is recognised under the law of Customary Marriages (Registration Decree), it is unconstitutional. It falls under those cultural practices prohibited by Article 33(6) of the 1995 Constitution –– cultures, customs and traditions which are against the dignity, welfare or interest of women or which undermine their status.
This calls for an amendment to the Customary Marriages (Registration Decree). Uganda’s Third Country Status Report on the Convention on the Elimination of all forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) equates the practice of bride price to a transfer of productive and reproductive services to the man’s family.
In India, where there is a comparable practice of dowry payment, where a woman brings property to her husband’s home at marriage, the dowry system was prohibited by the Dowry Prohibition Act, which was passed as early as 1961.
This Act was passed to combat the evils of the dowry system. Such evils include dowry deaths and cruelty by husbands and their relatives. Several other laws were enacted to reinforce this Act. In circumstances where a woman is forced to commit suicide due to cruel treatment from a husband or his relatives, these face penalties.
There is also a law that made post-mortem examination compulsory, in case a woman committed suicide in suspicious circumstances within seven years of her marriage.
Uganda can also legislate against negative cultural practices, such as bride price, as the DRB attempts to do. It is a burden for both women and men.
Ends