Where a bride dictates her price

Islam has a solution to exploitative bride price –– Mahr. A bride is at liberty to ask for anything as bride price for as long as her suitor can afford it. Some women ask for mahr that is as low as sh2,000, which some think is demeaning.
In case a groom fails to pay the mahr, the ceremony is postponed till he is able to pay, Shaban Halima writes.

GENDER activists asked Parliament to abolish bride price under the Domestic Relations Bill 2003, saying it was no longer a symbol of appreciation to the woman’s family.

They said it was a cause of domestic violence as women go on to be harassed by their husbands because they paid bride price.

“Perhaps those clamouring for the abolition of bride price should borrow a leaf from Islam,” says Sheikh Sulaiman Kakeeto, the leader of the Tabliq sect in Uganda, who disagrees with the activists.

Contemporary argument condemns expensive and exploitative bride price that makes girls appear like assets. Islam has a solution.

Dowry (mahr) is supposed to be asked by and be paid to the bride. She is not likely to ask for more than her suitor can afford.

Kakeeto says the bride is at liberty to ask for anything from her man as long as it is acceptable in Islam.

“Mahr is not restricted to money. The bride can ask for a house, a car, a trip to Mecca (Hijjah) or any thing she chooses.”
Bride price can also be as simple and cheap as a request by the bride from her groom to just recite a Quran verse.

This in fact is one of the four pillars of nikah (marriage), without which no marriage can be recognised as valid. The Quran surat nisah 4:4 states: “And give to the women (whom you marry) their mahr (obligatory bridal gift) with a good heart.”

Islamic procedure
Ibrahim Kabosi of Nakaloke, Mbale district sets off at about 2:00pm to one of the most important journeys of his life. It is his wedding day.

Accompanied by his family and friends, they arrive to cheers from the family of his bride-to-be in Namatala, Mbale.

Shortly, the sheikh who is supposed to perform the rituals of nikah, also known as okuwoowa in Luganda arrives.

Before the function (it could be that morning, the previous day or even earlier) the same sheikh is supposed to have taken the family of the bride to be through the consent ritual, which is the first pillar of nikah.

Before family members, the bride is asked three times whether she approves of the marriage. According to Islamic teaching, even if she keeps quiet the three times she is asked, it is taken as consent.

After this then the groom’s family is cleared to come for the wedding.
Kabosi’s entourage does not have to wait for long to be ushered into the home of the bride- to-be.

The sheikh calls the brother (it can also be a sister) of the bride and sends him to ask the bride (who usually remains in the house) what she wants as mahr. The brother brings back the news: sh500,000.

This money can be paid in cash. The groom can bargain, through a mediator (groom’s best man or bride’s brother) but many see this as degrading. If he is unable to pay, the wedding is postponed till he is able.

If the bride accepts credit, an agreement is written which she has to sign.

Usually, the groom-to-be is aware of what will be asked, but sometimes the family influences the bride to change her mahr like in the case of Kabosi. He is told to pay sh500,000, more than what had earlier been agreed upon.

Since he cannot raise the money, the function is put on hold until the entourage fundraises among themselves to top up. The money is then handed over to the muko (bride’s brother) who delivers it to the bride.

That is when the bride comes out of the house to join her groom.

The sheikh preaches to them about making a successful marriage before continuing with the rite of marriage, reads the final prayer and presides over the signing of the marriage certificate, which must also be signed by two male witnesses.

Finally, Kabosi and his entourage leave with the bride to host their guests to a reception at Nakaloke, their home.

Mahr in Islam
Kakeeto says the four pillars of marriage are conditions that make a marriage valid in Islam.

They include the consent of the bride, mahr, the presence of the bride’s father or guardian, two male witnesses known to the bride (if they are female, then they should be six).

He says if mahr is in form of money, it should be used properly. “You cannot misuse this money by doing things that Islam does not accept.”
Kakeeto advises women to ask for mahr, which is reasonable, depending on what their husband-to-be can afford.

“And there is room for negotiation, but the bride should not be intimated because it is her right to be paid whatever she feels is of value to her,” he says.
He says some women ask for mahr that is as low as sh10,000, sh5,000 or sh2,000, which some think is demeaning to them.

Imam Kasozi, the chairperson of the Uganda Muslim Youth Assembly, says the Shariah does not set any limit for mahr. He says he it is better to keep the mahr simple so that people can get married.

Kakeeto adds that, mahr not paid in cash, must be backed by a written agreement stipulating when it will be paid. If a man dies before paying the mahr debt, he is made to pay even in the hereafter.
At the burial of such a man, religious leaders request his family members to clear the mahr before the deceased is buried.

“And if the woman dies before her mahr is paid, the man pays the mahr to the woman’s family.”

Kakeeto says in case of divorce, the man does not ask for a refund of the mahr. But if it is the woman who decides to end the marriage, she is supposed to refund the mahr as a sign of divorce.

Kakeeto says marriage according to Islam is lawful and is considered as ibadah (a form of worship). It is considered as a civil contract between a man and his wife.

The Quran describes it as a mithaq, a ‘covenant’ (Surah 4.21), performed through a ceremony at which a local judge, sheikh or a khadi officiates.