Tips on how to rid Kampala of urine stench
Mar 07, 2006
I think men pee on roadsides out of foolish pride and not urgency. Like “we are blessed to do it cocktail style†or something.
By Tony Mushoborozi
I think men pee on roadsides out of foolish pride and not urgency. Like “we are blessed to do it cocktail style†or something. Thanks to men, every street in Kampala reeks of urine (to the nnugu of women). I hope the new mayor, Seyaa, will do something about this.
Recently, I decided to emulate women, especially those that use trousers mob in using only the loos.
For God’s sake, this is a computer age and it hurts to slip in urine mud in every ally and grassy corner, in such an otherwise decent city, an exclusively men’s crime.
We don’t rule out the fact that men for some reasons, like drinking exceedingly, can’t hold their stuff tight, or finding it a disgrace paying a G to a public loo, but surely, something should be done.
After night on night of cogitation, I came up with a few tips for the mayor of Kampala. At first, it was a plot to make a few bucks on the mayor, being broke most of my waking moments, but finally, I wisely decided to put it first on the intellectual table, so I could pop a decent report that could earn me a real living, from Sseyaa the ma... I pray a professor out there should slip in an idea. Here we go:
Wire all dark corners
When I had just arrived from Kyamakanda, Buyanja in Rukingiri, to this God-forsaken place, I was always cautious about where I pee. I always had a feeling that the whole ground was full of live cables. l shortly realised I had been wrong, for even the most suspicious places (like ground transformers) were as safe as State House.
I recommend high-voltage cables to be cleverly hidden in all the affected places. Make sure it electrocutes a man out of his body at a touch on his zipper. Talk with Umeme to secure permanent current flow, lest some go unhurt.
Operation Wembley
A few years ago, Kampala was rid of all thieves that were terrorising people. I think the same method can work in this case.Such an operation can be commanded by Col. Bugingo (the PC suggests bunging) or such other tough military men. Some citizens like Kakooza Mutale (mutable?) and his men could earn an extra dime, thus making the mayor extremely popular.
I suggest all men caught in the act should be slapped by bunging, sorry, Bugingo himself and made to slash and drain that stinking spot. The ‘action plan,’ quite a good name I must say, should leave Kalangala for a while and come to the rescue of Kampala. Oh! remember to bring with you a lot of canes. from the monkey-invested island.
Community service
Police posts, this is a dream come true! When these men are finally brought to you, I suggest that they do the hard task of unclogging the sewerage lines that flood your uniports. I hereby proclaim that all the Police posts will cease to stink.
If the catch is quite huge, like I believe it will on average, a bunch of criminals can be put aside to paint all the Police posts using their own money to purchase paint.
I pray that God helps me dodge all the traps of the enemy. I don’t want to be part of the painters and Bugingo is too good a slapper for my handsome cheek. I wish everybody a stenchless Kampala. That is the draft report, guys.
Ends
I think men pee on roadsides out of foolish pride and not urgency. Like “we are blessed to do it cocktail style†or something. Thanks to men, every street in Kampala reeks of urine (to the nnugu of women). I hope the new mayor, Seyaa, will do something about this.
Recently, I decided to emulate women, especially those that use trousers mob in using only the loos.
For God’s sake, this is a computer age and it hurts to slip in urine mud in every ally and grassy corner, in such an otherwise decent city, an exclusively men’s crime.
We don’t rule out the fact that men for some reasons, like drinking exceedingly, can’t hold their stuff tight, or finding it a disgrace paying a G to a public loo, but surely, something should be done.
After night on night of cogitation, I came up with a few tips for the mayor of Kampala. At first, it was a plot to make a few bucks on the mayor, being broke most of my waking moments, but finally, I wisely decided to put it first on the intellectual table, so I could pop a decent report that could earn me a real living, from Sseyaa the ma... I pray a professor out there should slip in an idea. Here we go:
Wire all dark corners
When I had just arrived from Kyamakanda, Buyanja in Rukingiri, to this God-forsaken place, I was always cautious about where I pee. I always had a feeling that the whole ground was full of live cables. l shortly realised I had been wrong, for even the most suspicious places (like ground transformers) were as safe as State House.
I recommend high-voltage cables to be cleverly hidden in all the affected places. Make sure it electrocutes a man out of his body at a touch on his zipper. Talk with Umeme to secure permanent current flow, lest some go unhurt.
Operation Wembley
A few years ago, Kampala was rid of all thieves that were terrorising people. I think the same method can work in this case.Such an operation can be commanded by Col. Bugingo (the PC suggests bunging) or such other tough military men. Some citizens like Kakooza Mutale (mutable?) and his men could earn an extra dime, thus making the mayor extremely popular.
I suggest all men caught in the act should be slapped by bunging, sorry, Bugingo himself and made to slash and drain that stinking spot. The ‘action plan,’ quite a good name I must say, should leave Kalangala for a while and come to the rescue of Kampala. Oh! remember to bring with you a lot of canes. from the monkey-invested island.
Community service
Police posts, this is a dream come true! When these men are finally brought to you, I suggest that they do the hard task of unclogging the sewerage lines that flood your uniports. I hereby proclaim that all the Police posts will cease to stink.
If the catch is quite huge, like I believe it will on average, a bunch of criminals can be put aside to paint all the Police posts using their own money to purchase paint.
I pray that God helps me dodge all the traps of the enemy. I don’t want to be part of the painters and Bugingo is too good a slapper for my handsome cheek. I wish everybody a stenchless Kampala. That is the draft report, guys.
Ends