Women cope better with separation
Dec 02, 2005
ALL men are animals, but some are just better pets – goes the old joke. Leave us un-tamed and we stray like wild dogs on heat, the more reason separation with a spouse is a big blow to our fragile pride. It is a time we find very rough and tough to live through.
By Titus Kakembo
in London
ALL men are animals, but some are just better pets – goes the old joke. Leave us un-tamed and we stray like wild dogs on heat, the more reason separation with a spouse is a big blow to our fragile pride. It is a time we find very rough and tough to live through.
“Big boys do not cry,†my dad used to say, but breaking up with a sweetheart still makes tears roll down my cheeks. The gaping wounds hurt and never heal. Sulking, committing suicide, going for casual sex and drowning in beer are avenues I have tried and paid a huge price for.
Catherine Northam, a relationship counsellor with Relate Magazine in UK, observes that women deal better when it comes to separation because the change for them is not so great. “Women are responsible for running the home, looking after children and preparing food,†she says. “Therefore, if the husband is left alone, he suddenly has to learn cooking and preparing his wardrobe – the more reason many do not cope well with separation.â€
A survey conducted for the Yorkshire Building Society by YouGov in UK questions 3500 divorcees and separated people.
Fifty percent of them confessed being happy. Seventy four percent of those who had divorced two years earlier also said they were fine.
Dividing the respondents by gender revealed that more ladies coped better with breaking up. Fifty three percent of them feel only relieved compared to forty six percent of the male interviewees.
True to Northam’s findings, in the Uganda situation, a divorced man suddenly has to boil his bathing water, physically wash his clothes (washing machines are scarce) and iron what he has to wear.
A casual visit to any single man’s house is evidence of this dependence syndrome reflected in the results above.
Do not be surprised to find a pair of shoes in the refrigerator. There is a table knife on the toilet seat. The curtains now serve as hand towels.
This is evidence that most men always need someone else (mother like) to put things right.
According to Pioneer Thinking, a website, life must go on. Come on boys, it is time to dance and live to the reggae king, Bob Marley’s lyrics of No Woman No Cry. Wear a smile and come to the bachelor club. Adjust to the life of a single person like this:
Take note, the sex etiquette has changed so much from what it was in the sweet 1960s.
Do not raise an eyebrow with surprise if a woman asks you out. Now they do. It may be to her home for a barbeque, a movie or a lazy walk as the sun kisses the horizon.
Prior to accepting the invitation, arm yourself with power (financial), tickle your ribs with humour, get more fame, improve your confidence, sharpen your brains and most of all pump adrenaline in your sex drive-and the whole world of girls will be in your arms.
Here is the menu of what turns them on. A caress, praise, pamper, relish, savour, big plans, compliments, good food, tantalise, share a bath – this tickles the love taste buds.
Eneke the bird in Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart learned how to fly without perching when man learned to shoot without missing. You too can change and learn to shoot the birds without missing.
Now date once a week. It could be a work mate for starters. Soon, the pain of being walked out on will subside. Start noticing other people.
Compliment the opposite sex. Why not join the activities of singles’ crowds and get back into the swing of things like Campus Night in Ange Noir, Musician Club at the National Theatre, visit art galleries or go bird watching.
Your best chance to meet another partner is within the normal course of your social events.
Much of the old romantic charm still plays tricks on the hearts of modern women.
That Whitney Houston soft music in the background, some candle light to make shadows dance on the walls and good food are still fashionable.
A surprise trip down town, privacy at a beach in Entebbe or upcountry still flaps the wings of many a tender heart.
My tip is tread carefully. Do not expect too much too soon. Brace for a “yes†or a “no†answer from your prey as you hunt. It takes two years to get over the hurt.
Those who hurry to get permanent relationships risk a repeat performance of the mistakes they made.
in London
ALL men are animals, but some are just better pets – goes the old joke. Leave us un-tamed and we stray like wild dogs on heat, the more reason separation with a spouse is a big blow to our fragile pride. It is a time we find very rough and tough to live through.
“Big boys do not cry,†my dad used to say, but breaking up with a sweetheart still makes tears roll down my cheeks. The gaping wounds hurt and never heal. Sulking, committing suicide, going for casual sex and drowning in beer are avenues I have tried and paid a huge price for.
Catherine Northam, a relationship counsellor with Relate Magazine in UK, observes that women deal better when it comes to separation because the change for them is not so great. “Women are responsible for running the home, looking after children and preparing food,†she says. “Therefore, if the husband is left alone, he suddenly has to learn cooking and preparing his wardrobe – the more reason many do not cope well with separation.â€
A survey conducted for the Yorkshire Building Society by YouGov in UK questions 3500 divorcees and separated people.
Fifty percent of them confessed being happy. Seventy four percent of those who had divorced two years earlier also said they were fine.
Dividing the respondents by gender revealed that more ladies coped better with breaking up. Fifty three percent of them feel only relieved compared to forty six percent of the male interviewees.
True to Northam’s findings, in the Uganda situation, a divorced man suddenly has to boil his bathing water, physically wash his clothes (washing machines are scarce) and iron what he has to wear.
A casual visit to any single man’s house is evidence of this dependence syndrome reflected in the results above.
Do not be surprised to find a pair of shoes in the refrigerator. There is a table knife on the toilet seat. The curtains now serve as hand towels.
This is evidence that most men always need someone else (mother like) to put things right.
According to Pioneer Thinking, a website, life must go on. Come on boys, it is time to dance and live to the reggae king, Bob Marley’s lyrics of No Woman No Cry. Wear a smile and come to the bachelor club. Adjust to the life of a single person like this:
Take note, the sex etiquette has changed so much from what it was in the sweet 1960s.
Do not raise an eyebrow with surprise if a woman asks you out. Now they do. It may be to her home for a barbeque, a movie or a lazy walk as the sun kisses the horizon.
Prior to accepting the invitation, arm yourself with power (financial), tickle your ribs with humour, get more fame, improve your confidence, sharpen your brains and most of all pump adrenaline in your sex drive-and the whole world of girls will be in your arms.
Here is the menu of what turns them on. A caress, praise, pamper, relish, savour, big plans, compliments, good food, tantalise, share a bath – this tickles the love taste buds.
Eneke the bird in Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart learned how to fly without perching when man learned to shoot without missing. You too can change and learn to shoot the birds without missing.
Now date once a week. It could be a work mate for starters. Soon, the pain of being walked out on will subside. Start noticing other people.
Compliment the opposite sex. Why not join the activities of singles’ crowds and get back into the swing of things like Campus Night in Ange Noir, Musician Club at the National Theatre, visit art galleries or go bird watching.
Your best chance to meet another partner is within the normal course of your social events.
Much of the old romantic charm still plays tricks on the hearts of modern women.
That Whitney Houston soft music in the background, some candle light to make shadows dance on the walls and good food are still fashionable.
A surprise trip down town, privacy at a beach in Entebbe or upcountry still flaps the wings of many a tender heart.
My tip is tread carefully. Do not expect too much too soon. Brace for a “yes†or a “no†answer from your prey as you hunt. It takes two years to get over the hurt.
Those who hurry to get permanent relationships risk a repeat performance of the mistakes they made.