My daughter dislikes her teacher
Sep 07, 2011
SOMETIME back my three year old daughter reported that her kindergarten class teacher pinched her in class for failing to hold the pencil properly.
Dear Jamesa,
SOMETIME back my three year old daughter reported that her kindergarten class teacher pinched her in class for failing to hold the pencil properly. Now she dislikes the teacher so much that she told her dad to pinch the teacher. I have talked to the teacher but no change. What do I do to make her love the teacher again? How do I reassure my daughter?
Sharifa
Dear Sharifa,
It is important to keep in mind that young as she is,your daughter has feelings like any other human being. Children are sensitive emotionally and you need to understand not just what the teacher did but how it made your daughter feel. Her bitterness shows that she is battling with some unresolved emotions. What she told her dad also shows she is determined to have the teacher punished. Did the teacher pinch her while others were watching? A number of questions must be crowding her mind: ‘Why did the teacher do that to me?’ ‘Can’t I also shame her?’ Since I am not strong enough, my dad can help pinch her on my behalf!†You need to help your daughter to open up and talk to you about these issues.
You have mentioned that the teacher pinched her for failing to write well. This reason might sound genuine, but considering the goals of kindergarten education, it is not a legitimate ground.
The kindergarten curriculum is designed to help children acquire interpersonal skills that lay foundation for their primary education. Baby class focuses on helping children understand and interact with their environment. That is why it is referred to as ‘play group.’ Learning in baby class is supposed to be more social than academic. Playing and interaction should take the centre-stage, not reading and writing.
Pinching a three - year - old for failing to write well is not a good teaching approach. At her age, your daughter’s finger muscles have not yet developed enough for her to control a pencil. Writing skill in kindergarten is introduced using activities like painting, drawing and colouring. A teacher who drills a child in the baby class with writing skills therefore oversteps the bounds of kindergarten curriculum.
Kindergarten teachers need to build trusting relationship with children to create the right learning environment.
It is the teacher’s role to develop relationship with the children not vice versa. Pinching, slapping or caning hinders this relationship. It would, therefore, be difficult for you to restore the relationship between the teacher and your daughter. Young children trust easily but once that trust is eroded, it takes time to restore it. It is not practical for you to assure the child that the teacher is trustworthy if the teacher herself doesn’t prove her trustworthiness.
Children believe in what they see more than what they hear. Does your daughter feel uncomfortable with the school? If the pinching has not made her to dislike the school, then there is still hope. It will take the teacher a while to restore the relationship but she has to take the initiative herself.
You could help her deal with her anger by asking her to explain what the teacher did and how it made her feel. If she loves drawing and painting, you could ask her to draw or paint the whole incident. These avenues could help her deal with painful emotions.
You need to make a close follow up on your daughter’s daily activities at school. Find out how her day was, what she enjoyed, what scared her, what she learnt, and what she felt uncomfortable with. Remember, in a child’s world every moment and each day counts. You can only understand her world by keeping in touch with her daily activities.
By Wagwau Jamesa
SOMETIME back my three year old daughter reported that her kindergarten class teacher pinched her in class for failing to hold the pencil properly. Now she dislikes the teacher so much that she told her dad to pinch the teacher. I have talked to the teacher but no change. What do I do to make her love the teacher again? How do I reassure my daughter?
Sharifa
Dear Sharifa,
It is important to keep in mind that young as she is,your daughter has feelings like any other human being. Children are sensitive emotionally and you need to understand not just what the teacher did but how it made your daughter feel. Her bitterness shows that she is battling with some unresolved emotions. What she told her dad also shows she is determined to have the teacher punished. Did the teacher pinch her while others were watching? A number of questions must be crowding her mind: ‘Why did the teacher do that to me?’ ‘Can’t I also shame her?’ Since I am not strong enough, my dad can help pinch her on my behalf!†You need to help your daughter to open up and talk to you about these issues.
You have mentioned that the teacher pinched her for failing to write well. This reason might sound genuine, but considering the goals of kindergarten education, it is not a legitimate ground.
The kindergarten curriculum is designed to help children acquire interpersonal skills that lay foundation for their primary education. Baby class focuses on helping children understand and interact with their environment. That is why it is referred to as ‘play group.’ Learning in baby class is supposed to be more social than academic. Playing and interaction should take the centre-stage, not reading and writing.
Pinching a three - year - old for failing to write well is not a good teaching approach. At her age, your daughter’s finger muscles have not yet developed enough for her to control a pencil. Writing skill in kindergarten is introduced using activities like painting, drawing and colouring. A teacher who drills a child in the baby class with writing skills therefore oversteps the bounds of kindergarten curriculum.
Kindergarten teachers need to build trusting relationship with children to create the right learning environment.
It is the teacher’s role to develop relationship with the children not vice versa. Pinching, slapping or caning hinders this relationship. It would, therefore, be difficult for you to restore the relationship between the teacher and your daughter. Young children trust easily but once that trust is eroded, it takes time to restore it. It is not practical for you to assure the child that the teacher is trustworthy if the teacher herself doesn’t prove her trustworthiness.
Children believe in what they see more than what they hear. Does your daughter feel uncomfortable with the school? If the pinching has not made her to dislike the school, then there is still hope. It will take the teacher a while to restore the relationship but she has to take the initiative herself.
You could help her deal with her anger by asking her to explain what the teacher did and how it made her feel. If she loves drawing and painting, you could ask her to draw or paint the whole incident. These avenues could help her deal with painful emotions.
You need to make a close follow up on your daughter’s daily activities at school. Find out how her day was, what she enjoyed, what scared her, what she learnt, and what she felt uncomfortable with. Remember, in a child’s world every moment and each day counts. You can only understand her world by keeping in touch with her daily activities.
By Wagwau Jamesa