BIG Brother is back! The 98-day reality show began on Sunday in South Africa with 12 contestants competing for sh160m â€” not much money, if you ask Pastor Kiweweesi. And it is not the money that excites me. With all the memories of Gaetano out-competing the likes of Nigerian Bayo (whom I did not like very much) to eventually snatch Abby (I swear I was him!), many people are expecting fireworks in BBII.
And how we urged him on! Our Gae â€” gifted by nature, seemed to hear us from far and with Abby behaving like empty land in Kyankwanzi, Gaetano had to bring in his cows in typical Balaalo manner.
I once drove from Mbarara to Kampala, Ntinda to be exact, in two and a half hours just to see evictions because Gae was my man. I was among the mammoth crowd which cheered Gaetano back home at Entebbe. We ignored the Kabaka who was travelling that day and scared Number One who asked why we were fussing about the â€˜Gaeâ€™ with a â€˜tanoâ€™. I attended Gaetanoâ€™s welcome bashes and even got a chance to embrace Abby. I have photographic evidence.
That time, Abby was our wife and South Africa in general, our wives. Gaetano was our hero who went hunting and returned without the targeted game. For us, that did not matter. Like the UPDF in DR Congo, the mission failed, but they still returned with women. Gae knew the script and read it so well that he scored the most exciting goal on our behalf.
But this time, we have a female in M-Netâ€™s BBII and the constitution must change. Many people are saying Maureen Namatovu, 26, will represent us fairly well, if not better. But is she capable of a Gaetano? I have seen her extravagance with kisses and it is rubbing me the wrong way.
You see, it is easier to cheer a man on as he plunders through women, but when it comes to a woman, different drums must be beaten. We are going to be frowning at guys who will as much as come close to our daughter and curse any who will teach her bad manners. She is our oil and any Congolese who shoots at our barge in Lake Albert will have annoyed us so much. So far, the Malawian housemate, Code and Ghanaâ€™s Kweku should stand warned. They are showing signs of being too friendly (kamanyiiro).
That is only being natural. In an average household, parents may quarrel if their son is discovered to have jumped the gate on a Saturday night to go dancing, but if it is a daughter who has gone, if they do not call the Police, they will sniff their way after her footprints till they die of exhaustion and anxiety. When a young son brings a girlfriend home, the tension is mchakamchaka levels. The dad might chip in something about how condoms work if they are used. But let the daughter bring the boyfriend, the gospel will be from the book of Abstinence and the tension will be tantamount to the classical battlefield.
You know how our sisters urged us on as we developed our dating skills. They even brought us candidates and created diversionary cover to distract parents from noticing the Balaalo entering Kyankwanzi. But which male could do the same for the sisters? In Ankole, actually, it was unacceptable for your young sister to show you her boyfriend and go on to behave as if she was in love with him. We built forts around sisters and then went off to climb other peopleâ€™s fences. My real friend was not expected to approach my sister for love. He would be deemed to have taken advantage of our relationship and that makes him a traitor.
Even in traditional marriage, the groomâ€™s family celebrates victory, the way we did when we â€˜marriedâ€™ South Africa in BBI and the brideâ€™s family shed tears and behaved like the bereaved. If Maureen has Gaetano as a role model, we shall be abusing our television sets like mad people. Nobody will be at Entebbe to welcome her â€” including immigration authorities I am afraid. We want her to charm all those guys and still resist them to the very end. Then she will be our gallant daughter. I do not care if you call these double standards as long as our daughter preserves herself during BBII. I will not hesitate to vote her out if she starts reading from Gaetanoâ€™s book.