My wife and I have four children (three boys and one girl).
I think we should stop there, especially because we are struggling financially to look after them.
However, my wife wants to have another child and she is not listening to any reasoning. How can I stand my ground without endangering our marriage?
Maintain your decision
Compromising in a marriage can sometimes be tough, especially in situations where your needs are divergent.
It might not be the easiest talk but you can have a successful conversation if you approach her with love, understanding and openness. Have each of you established the reasons behind their feelings?
Family planning becomes easy when you have discussed and agreed on a number of children regardless of the gender. Your wife seems to be interested in having another girl, but how sure is she that it is the exact child she will have?
Discuss your achievements, your future plans and the problems encountered so far, plus the hardship of raising many children given your current fi nancial status. When bringing up this serious topic, pick a time when both of you are not stressed or when you will not be interrupted or bombarded with distractions from children or other people.
Once you have opened up the conversation, be honest and direct with her about your decision and make sure you leave no room for further discussions.
Explain to your wife and give her reasons why you do not want more children. Whether it is fi nances, marital discord or general contentment, whatever the case is, just tell her you cannot afford another child.
Confirm your love for her and how you are committed to taking your marriage to another level. If all these avenues have been explored and still yield negative results, opt for a vasectomy if her response is still negative. Do it without her knowledge and the puzzle will be solved permanently.
Robert Mugenyi, marriage counsellor