By Hilary Bainemigisha( Dr. Love)
IN February, The New Vision carried out a national survey on 500 married people. A total of 55.9% of them confessed to having cheated on their spouses: 64.3% were husbands and 47.3%, wives.
But of these, only 11.7% confessed to their partners. 10.7% men disclosed their escapades and 12.7% women came clean. But 44.2% are living with the secret.
Because society turns the other cheek when a man is caught offside and his marriage is less likely to crumble, why arenâ€™t men putting on sackcloth whenever they err?
Yet if Bukenya had read what Maggie read about him in the papers, the marriage would most likely be a lone reference in the books of history. Look at Pastor Kiganda.
Why are more women more likely to confess adultery in spite of the risks involved? First, why are men confessing at all? The answer lies in the five silent coercive factors.
One: the adultery may have left a mark with an offspring, a court case, newspaper articles or any other undisputable evidence that leaves the protagonist no option, but to declare his assets.
Two: he may have decided to go polygamous. Authorities believe that polygamy mostly begins as adultery and the first step into legitimising it is confession at home.
Three: sometimes the man wants his wife to go. The marriage has hit rocks, but the wife is too adamant to give him space. So, he confesses to provoke her anger.
Four: some decide to have a new life and stop philandering and enlist the support of the wife, others get saved and the package comes with confession.
Five: Some men may confess in the heat of romance or to provoke the wife to confess too. But if the religious principle of confessing is the only one allowed to influence things, I wonder how many confessions would see the light. Just look at the obvious recent case. The kibooko squad descended on the city from the direction of Central Police Station to spread blow-bruises on the backs of to-whom-it-may-concern, but not even the Police, who did not arrest them, can say who they are.
The minister concerned is looking for funds to investigate it; wait for a commission of inquiry. If such a simple truth cannot be revealed, how many will carry the cross of adultery to the steps of a spouse?
Women, however, find it easier to confess as long as the right environment is set. Adultery does not come naturally for women, so it leaves a burden of guilt for most of them.
Should the man set an intimate romantic evening; beginning with an unexpected romantic gift or pledge, words promising change, a better future, protracted seduction and opening of heart, especially confession about the past in order to clean up the future, the wife can reciprocate.
To her, it will not only be a move to join her husbandâ€™s good will in the new future, but it will also be a chance to relieve herself of the burden of guilt she carried around.
That is not to say I applaud when people confess. I believe it is better each one keeps the closet skeletons where they belong.
Adultery confessions may cause more harm than good to the marriage and forever remain a point of reference in any future squabbles.
You can confess if you like, but I prefer to be among the 44.2% who are living with a secret. And I want to assure anyone who would like to know my secret that, like Rugunda said, I am going to carry out an investigation to see whether I have cheated or not. I will do it as soon as money is earmarked for it.