Do women just have a lot to say or are men poor listeners?

Jul 09, 2013

Deep sigh. Furrowed forehead. Exasperated heaving of the chest. Confusion galore. All why? Because you have been with her almost all day and while you chatted on this and that topic, to the level of not chatting at all, because all ‘chattable-on’ themes have been covered, she is now saying wait a m

Men's say with Bob G. Kisiki

Deep sigh. Furrowed forehead. Exasperated heaving of the chest. Confusion galore. All why? Because you have been with her almost all day and while you chatted on this and that topic, to the level of not chatting at all, because all ‘chattable-on’ themes have been covered, she is now saying wait a minute, I have something to tell you.
 
And this, in reaction to your announcement that you must go. Must. Imperative. Seriously, not just as a manner of speaking. Deep, deep sigh.
 
I love to time myself. I have taken the onerous trouble to estimate and master the distances and common traffic traits of all the routes to all the places where bits of my life are lived out. I know how to time myself, saying I am now in Kisamula. It is 4:00pm. I must be at the National Theatre by 6:00pm. If I set off now by public means, this being a ‘lazy’ Sunday, I will be in Kampala by 5:00pm, then walk from the Namayiba park to National Theatre in 30 minutes.
 
I will rest for 20 minutes, chatting with the artistes there, then enter the Green Room for the rehearsal I am supposed to attend. I arrived at your place at 9:00am, knowing that in all those hours – whatever number there are between 9:00am and 4:00pm – we would have said all there is to say. Then you wait until I am set to leave and say what?
 
And think what you will, but I have known more women, who do this than non-women. Eleventh hour women, you might call them. You are visiting with her. She and your host’s wife are chatting and laughing away, like there is nothing serious in their lives.
 
Then the moment you say ‘Mama Teopi, let’s go,’ she takes the cue to raise the question of what the host’s wife decided to do after she lost her job – will she, as your kind wife advised, dare and start a bitenge stall or just look for another job?
 
Alternatively, she is your wife. You had dinner together last night. After dinner, you hung there a bit, teasing the children over their friends, who had visited earlier in the evening and coaxing her [your wife] into taking off time over the weekend to just fall in love again… to be the way you were, before the matters arising [children] came up. Then you went to bed, where again you featured, just the two of you. 
 
Yet it will be only in the morning, with you all dressed up and carrying your attaché case ready to go to work, that she will groan, ‘By the way the sharp pain in my side is back. It has been on all week. Do you think I should go see the doctor?’
 
People, who have the temerity to take on studies in the behaviour of women teach that they [women] love to be listened to.
 
This means that if you have two guys – one who gives his woman all the expensive articles, but never gives her listening time; and another, who is average or even below average in giving, but listens to her like Moses to Jehovah dictating the decalogue on Mt. Sinai – the listener is more likely to have a doting, active woman on his hands, than the ostentatious article giver. Maybe.
 
So if women love a listening ear, why abuse the privilege? For, in calling it a privilege, I am daring to declare that a man – a typical man – is not your average listener. Hear you, yes, that he will.
 
But make a no-two-ways-about-it decision to listen, discern and respond accordingly to you…? So if you have one, who is willing to do it, why abuse it?
 
I love to listen. I love to pay attention to people. But I also love to keep time; to allow myself time to get there without contracting hypertension. So if we must decide if your side itch needs the attention of a doctor, let us talk about it while we have the time. Who knows, we might actually discover the doctor is not that necessary in the equation. 
 
Feedback question:
Do women just have a lot to say or are men poor listeners? 
Write to: hervision@newvision.co.ug or by SMS - type ‘women’ (space), your comment & name and send to 8338.
 
 

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