What is the use of success without a successor?
Jun 19, 2013
They are usually caring and romantic during dating. After marrying them, the love wanes a little, but your pregnancy seems to re-ignite his love. Could it be because you are carrying his baby? May be yes, may be no.
Saturday Vision
By Stella Nassuna
They are usually caring and romantic during dating. After marrying them, the love wanes a little, but your pregnancy seems to re-ignite his love. Could it be because you are carrying his baby? May be yes, may be no.
The coming of a baby is great joy to the whole family, but it brings challenges. When you expect him to give you a hand in raising the child, he does not.
It is you who has to wake up earlier than all to prepare junior for kindergarten. It is you who goes to junior’s school for sports day.
And it is the mother who knows best what gifts please the children. For most of today’s fathers, it is about hard work and making money for the family. But this is just to some. Others completely abandon their wives and the children as evident in Loy Imalakang’s story.
Imalakang is a resident of Awojakitoi, Abarilela sub-county, in Amuria district. She is a housewife and a mother of six. She says her first pregnancy occurred after meeting her husband, who was a resident in the same village. She dropped out of school and the two started living together as man and wife.
Because he was Kenyan, they moved back to his country and they had five other children. She said in an interview that during her stay in Kenya, her husband rarely provided food to the family.
“He later married another woman and so, much of his efforts and resources were directed towards his new bride,” Imalakang narrated.
She said: “I resorted to being a housemaid to raise money for my children’s upkeep.”
How do some fathers do it?
Francis Kimera, a businessman who lives in Busega and the father of Jeremy, Kimberly and Shawn, says he spends Saturdays with his children.
He says he usually takes them to different places to interact with other children. Last Saturday, he took his children to Kids’ Corner at Centenary Park in Kampala.
“My wife is a businesswoman and she rarely has time-off over the weekend to be with the children. So, I am always there for them when she is not.”
Kimera says spending time with his children is part of his responsibility as a father because the children did not ask him to bring them into this world.
James Kimani, an engineer with Philips Pharmaceuticals on Fifth Street, Industrial Area, was also found at Kids’ Corner with his two-year-old daughter, Trisha, last Saturday. He said he uses the outing to bond with her.
“This bond enables her to approach me not just as a father, but her friend.” Kimani said, adding that he takes his daughter out once or twice a month.
“Every father should make time for his children because at the end of the day, who are you working for? You need to cut down on work and make time for your children. You get to know their ability and weaknesses, which helps you relate with them accordingly,” Kimani advises.
Steven Langa, a counsellor with Familylife Network Ministries, advises fathers to show interest in their children’s lives by finding out their interests, likes, dislikes and all the other small details about them.
“Children learn more from example, so be a very good example to your children. Love and care for them and support their dreams. It is also very important that you love their mother. If you do not, the children will notice and they will hate you,” he advises.
What fathers must know
Steven Langa, a counsellor with Familylife Network Ministries, says he once counselled a Senior One girl who said she felt like moving out with every man, but her only hindrance was the fact that she was Born-again.
“Her reason for such a feeling was because she never got her father’s attention. She said her parents only provided her with basic requirements and never bothered to find out about how she was and if what she had was adequate,” Langa explained.
He said often times, girls who sleep around are looking for a father-figure in the men they sleep with.
“Fathers who fail to participate in their children’s upbringing get off with an excuse of work. But what will it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his children or what is the use of success without a successor? Caring for children can be learned,” Langa advises.
He says a father is supposed to give his child affirmation that what they are doing is the right thing. “When fathers fail, children will always look for an alternative.
If the child is a boy, he will most likely turn into a workaholic, alcoholic or womaniser to prove his power to everyone. Some even get into sex and drug abuse.”