When the other woman confronts you

 

 

It was no ordinary call.

 

“You old hug, leave Alfred alone,” she told the caller in an annoyingly sweet voice.

“Yes, he is mine, just leave him alone. He is my husband and whatever you do, you will never be his wife,” she added.

 

Everybody else in the taxi went silent, probably because the conversation we had been forced to tap into was getting interesting.

 

“You are a grand mum, don’t you feel embarrassed to insist on grabbing a boy fit to be your son? Just leave him alone. I would tolerate it if it were your daughter dating him, not you!”

 

At that point the man seated one passenger away from her started shaking his head in disbelief. Different passengers turned to look at her, others wrinkling their faces in dissatisfaction, but Beautiful was heated up and it looked like she did not care anymore and simply wanted to get her message across.   

 

“Just hand Alfred the phone and let me talk to him. In case you did not know, he has already paid my dowry, he pays my tuition (fees) and I am his future wife, okay?” She yelled into her phone.

 

“Ok, thank you for calling. Now will you hand Alfred that phone, I am sure he wants to hear me speak,” she instructed.

But the person on the other end would not relent.

 

The conversation turned into a war of words and more insults flew back and forth... Unfortunately, we could not hear what the caller was offering. I was tempted to ask the young lady to put the receiver on loud speaker for our benefit, since the phone call had already turned into a kimeeza of sorts, but there was no chance at interrupting her.

 

“So what? I have told you he is using you; anyway go ahead and entertain him; he is too bored with me miles away.”

Eventually she got off the phone and as if instructed, everyone on board started discussing the situation. 

 

The opinions that came were as varying as the passengers on board. To her credit, Beautiful answered every question she was asked as if she had to, albeit with a lump in her throat. Apparently, Alfred lives in Australia with the woman that had called and the phone call was intended to tell the Ugandan girl to back off.

 

But should you confront a woman you suspect to be having an inappropriate relationship with your husband? Maybe yes, maybe no!

 

Susan Birungi Badagawa, a counselling psychologist and marriage counsellor at Hope in Life, says: “Confront the other woman only if she is known to you and knows about your relationship. If you do not know her, then confront your husband because he is the one you have a relationship with”. 

 

Badagawa says you never know what your husband said to the woman before they started a relationship.

“Women have to know that married men tend to lie to the women they want to have affairs with about their marriages just to get them to consent,” she says.

 

A man can make up all kinds of stories about his wife and many women will not think about the possibility that he could also be contributing to the storm in his marriage. 

 

“He wants to create a situation where the other woman will pity him and probably agree to an affair with him, thinking that it is only a matter of time and he will be done with his marriage,” Badagawa says. 

 

If you have to confront her, the way you choose to express yourself determines the results you will get. Many women straight away attack their supposed rivals, sometimes getting into physical fights, which they sometimes regret. 

 

Badagawa says it is not advisable to confront her when you are charged. “You need to be emotionally balanced and let her know that what she is doing is not proper.

 

Talk to her about how her behaviour may affect other people if she is a friend or relative. Talk to her about your feelings.” If she is an understanding person, that calm talk should help get her out of your marriage.

 

Some women pay a visit to the other woman’s boss to ask him to prevail over his employee to end the indecent relationship. 

 

But Badagawa says unless the woman and your man work together, seeing her boss may not help. But she warns that even if they work in the same place, if they are good performers, the boss may not be interested in involving himself in their affair.

 

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Singer Shania Twain told Daily Mail that the moment she confronted Marie-Anne, her close friend, who had an affair with her husband of 15 years, she was a letdown because she did not express everything she was feeling due to anxiety.

“I had a total panic attack. I just told her that she was a bad person — that is all I could get out!”

 

A woman called the number of another that had sent her husband love messages and told her to check her HIV status.

“You see, I am living positively and I also happen to be a peer educator. I don’t know what you have been doing with my husband, but it would be good to test for HIV,” she told the intruder. 

 

Last year, a Chinese professor, Zhang Shih enraged because of her husband’s extra marital affair according to www.digitaljournal.com, she ran over his lover and her daughter then stood guard to stop anyone giving them first aid. 

 

The woman fought off paramedics that tried to save the girl’s life. She undressed, threw herself on the ground and in front of the ambulance and refused to move even when police arrived at the scene and threatened to shoot her. 

 

The girl died, while the mother sustained serious injuries. The professor now faces charges of murder and attempted murder.

One woman, on learning about her husband’s affair stalked him for two weeks. On the lucky day, she followed him and as the two love birds had settled down to have their drink, she joined them at the table and they both froze.

 

The husband ordered her favourite drink, completely ignoring his date. After they had had their drink, the couple left the confused lover to sort herself out.   

 

The husband could not bring himself to even say bye to his lover.