Your kids and money

 

Herbert Kyeyune’s four-year-old does not want to let go of his wallet. “He likes my wallet because he knows there is always money. If he doesn’t find it, he goes to his mum’s bag,” Kyeyune says, adding that once he has the money, he insists on buying lollipops or soda. 

 

And when there is no money in the wallet, the little boy picks up his dad’s ATM card. He actually calls the card “bank,” because several times he has seen his parents withdraw or deposit money at the ATM. And this is how he says it: “Let’s go, we put it in the bank and press. We shall have money to buy a ball.”

 

Should they ignore him, all hell will break loose as he throws tantrums and screams. “I have even beaten him before, but he just loves money,” confides Kyeyune. 

 

According to family life counsellors, children begin to sense the power of money at about two and a half years of age. 

“Children understand the relationship between money and buying.

 

They won’t understand why a shopkeeper must get money for a lollipop, but they will understand that there is a rule that you must pay for it,” says Laura Aryijuka, a part-time counselling psychologist at Kyambogo University. 

 

She also explains that at that age, the child thinks what belongs to “dad or mum is mine.” She thinks it is okay to go with children to withdraw money as technology is now part of life. 

 

Aryijuka, however, explains that while it would be advisable to keep away all money from the children so that they do not misplace it, parents need to teach their children money basics as soon as they start counting.

 

“As soon as children have properly mastered counting and adding up, say by the age of six, observe what they do with the sh100 coin you give them and explain to them the value of money.

 

Let them know that money does not come from the machine and as they grow older, teach them how to save and spent it wisely and how you sweat for it,” she says, adding that by the time a child is 10 years old, a parent should help them learn the difference between need and wishes. 

 

“For instance you need food, soap and school fees for him. Your child wishes or wants new high heels because her friends have them. Do not just tell them money does not grow on trees. Explain why you cannot buy the stilettos,” says Aryijuka, stressing that this would prepare them for making good spending decisions in the future.

But then again, there are parents who won’t allow their children to touch money. Growing up, Diana Mwesigwa, a legal officer with Credit Insurance Company, Kampala, says her parents never allowed her to touch money — not even to pay her own fees. 

 

“Everything I needed was always there. By the time I got to university, I did not even know how to fill a bank slip and I felt so embarrassed when a teller tore up my slips before me one day,” Mwesigwa says.

 

At the time, her parents  saw no reason for their precious little daughter to suffer going shopping or banking when they could do it for her. Today she is of a different view. “Maybe they thought I would misuse the money, but it never helped. Send children to buy simple things like tomatoes or bread from the shop so that they can exactly know what money is for,” she says.

 

Paul Mubiru, an independent financial consultant, seems to have had the same outlook. He limited his daughters to buying one extra item of their choice when they went shopping every weekend. He believes that over-protecting children from money does more harm than good. 

 

“If your wealth allows you to hire a maid to tidy your children’ rooms and do their home chores, for example, you are doing a big disservice to them.  Tomorrow, when they are adults, they won’t be able to do anything of their own.”

 

He stresses that one of the biggest things you can give your children is self-empowerment — the ability to think and act responsibly for themselves.

 

“Imagine them throwing their dirty laundry in the washing machine without you showing them how much you pay for the electricity bill. How will they care?” Mubiru asks. 

 

He adds that if you are a parent, you are in the business of bringing up adults not children.

 

The other tricky part is rewarding children with money. One parent was once at a shopping mall when her seven-year-old started picking things from the shelves and throwing them about.

 

She was so frustrated and embarrassed that no matter how much she talked tough, the girl just grinned at her. She made a deal. “If you do this, I am not going to give you money for a new toy phone.”

 

The kid obliged, but the parent felt used afterward.  Psychologist Aryijuka calls this bribery. “It works for a moment, but children will continue to use this strategy for a short time.”

 

 Aryijuka says money should be given once in a while as a reward, but not all the time. “Come up with a list of rewards only for a job well done. But these rewards should not always be money. Money makes people selfish and commercial minded and overshadows virtues,” she says.

 

Lately, there is a whole fad of banks encouraging families to save for their children. This is a good idea, but one that will not involve the child directly.

 

“As a parent, you are doing it for the child’s future, but he or she might not know what you go through to save,” says Mubiru. Recognising this, some banks do provide a piggy bank that the child can drop money in for their savings.

 

Mubiru advises that toddlers should grow piggy banks; this can involve a small tin, envelope or even a bag. “When a stranger or a relative gives them money, let them keep it somewhere. A child will be excited when they see their savings increasing. And they will never forget it when they buy something worthwhile after a week.

 

For the accounts, you can involve an older child. For instance, if they have a balance on their pocket money at the end of term, encourage them to deposit it on their account,” advises Mubiru.