Confessions of a breathalyser victim

Confessions of a breathalyser  victim

After having a very good time at a friend’s house, and a very heated argument on the Uganda Police and the breathalyser, I was to get a rude awakening in a few hours’ time. Let me share with you the events so that what befell me does not happen to any one of you.

12:30am: I leave with a friend, planning to pass via the ATM in town and proceed to

Angenoir. In the middle of our discussion, the friend is telling me about the Police and breathalyser. I tell him how I am looking forward to meeting the cops.

12:40am: At Wandegeya, there is an unusual traffic jam and we can see the lights from a police patrol car ahead. The friend suggests that we turn to Makerere, but I assure him that I want to stay in the line and even breathe through the ‘thing’.

12:50 - 1:00am Our car is next in line, the friend tells me to drive on, but I ignore him. In fact, I tell one of the policemen that I would like to know how the breathalyzer works. The guy calls me out, goes and comes back with a friend. They first do a demonstration for me, and then tell me when the meter reads above 80%, you are drunk. They insert a new tube and I blow as hard as I can — reading 91%.

1:00 - 1:30am: Before I know it, the guy is escorting me to the Police station. Along the way, offer him sh20,000, but he refuses it. I raise the stake to sh50,000 but he still does not bite the bait, claiming it is a regional operation. Meanwhile, I begin to sober up. I am at the counter. A lean policeman is taking my particulars. I request him to stop in the middle of the process.

We walk together to the back of the station. I offer the guy sh50,000, but he refuses, claiming the same stuff —spies, region, etc. On re-entering, the other traffic guys are at the table.

I am commanded to remove my belt, shoes and any precious belongings in my possession.

At this point, reality hits home — I am going to jail! The only way out is to give this guy at leastsh200,000. I whisper to the guy but wapi. The fellow now begins to lecture me and tells me I am a stubborn prisoner. Meanwhile, he removes my belt by force and before I know it, the other two fellows are surrounding me. A struggle ensues and I am bundled inside the cell.

1:30am - 9:00am: Guys, jail is jail. When you enter, you immediately realise that freedom is the best thing God gave man. You feel powerless because you look at a simple padlock, but you cannot unlock it. The million dollar question is how do I get out of here?

More guys are coming in; guys I have seen before at different pubs, by the way.

The first question they ask is: how do we get out of here? We look at each other and regret ever drinking and driving. In the cell, there is a guy called an RP, the ringleader of a bunch of rogues. He points out writing on the wall which shows the amount you are supposed to pay to escape a beating. Should you not pay, the rogues beat you up. Being a coward, I immediately pull out sh5, 000. I now begin to look keenly at what goes on in this hell. The place has two rooms and a corridor.

 Since I have paid, I request to stay near the door. In the meantime, my friend has been haggling with the Police for almost two hours, and I can see him through the metal bars.

Then there is this guy called Kafeero. He is so loaded, the policemen count his money for almost two hours. He tells me he has just dropped his campus kyana. He is in tears, saying how in all his 44 years, he has never been on the wrong side of the law.

Then the countdown begins. It seems like I am asking the policemen the time every 10 minutes. When you are in jail, it is like being in a movie where you are the main actor, but watching the movie yourself. Another thing that hammers you is that you are in a room where you cannot differentiate between day and night, but you rely on crooks to inform you.

 On Sunday morning, we are bailed out. Even when you are out, you are moving on a Police bond — you are not really free. In fact, you are like a criminal and that is not good. I eventually went to court and now I am a free man. My advice— do not get caught on the wrong side of the law.