In defence of the mini-skirt

By Kalungi Kabuye

The portfolio of Minister for Ethics and Integrity in Uganda is not a very interesting one, a kind of poor cousin to the other, ‘bigger’ Ministries. So the Minister does not get to do too much, not that the small budget they have will allow them to do anything. But somehow they have all managed to be extremely loud, and very noticeable.

You all remember Mrs Miria Matembe? She spent her tenure shouting out against rape, and threatened that any man found guilty of rape would be castrated. It was a nice sound-bite, but sadly that is where it ended. Ten years after she lost her job, she still occasionally calls for the castration of rapists, but has never really done anything about it.

Then came in the indefatigable Dr. Nsaba Buturo, who was particularly incensed by the existence of pornography and strip dancing, also known as ‘kimansulo’. Lots of the stripper groups were rounded up under his tenure, but by the time he left tabloids were still happily publishing pornography.

He will be forever remembered, however, as the Government Minister who admitted that men were weak creatures, no more than animals, really. He called for the ban of women wearing trousers, because the sight affected men drivers, who failed to control their cars and caused accidents.

Without any research or any data whatsoever, the good doctor decided that it was the women’s fault, and that they should be punished. But he left before that could happen, or maybe he was just ignored.

But no one is going to ignore the new Minister, Rev. Fr. Simon Lokodo, a Catholic Parish Priest turned politician, who has come up with that is commonly referred to as the ‘Mini-Skirt’ Bill, and has the whole country up in arms.

The Anti-Pornography Bill of 2011 has been described by a group of lawyers as “…perhaps the most useless bill Parliament will ever discuss… the vagueness of definitions, and of entire provisions, coupled with the lack of enforcement mechanisms will render this bill almost useless.”

That may be, but what does it have to do with miniskirts? Seems very little, but we understand why it has drawn the attention of the whole country. Its description of pornography includes the showing of “… sexual parts of a person such as breasts, thighs, buttocks, or sexual genitalia.”

So folks, wait for it, our honourable members will probably take months debating what exactly makes up the sexual parts of a person. Will they get facilitation to go and consult their electorate on the very important matters of the sexual parts of a person?

Those should be very interesting public rallies, as of course the people have to be consulted by their representatives, as they were with the Marriage And Divorce Bill.

But it is that thigh thingy that is going to be very interesting, just how much of the thigh showing will be considered pornography? Will Government spell out the length of a skirt above the knees? But, wait a minute, will it affect both men and women? Will sportsmen and women thus be considered pornographic for wearing shorts while training or competing? Will swimming in public be against the ‘law of mini-skirts’?

Scientifically (check Wikipedia), both men and women have breasts, although the female ones tend to be much larger and secrete milk to feed infants. But the Bill does not differentiate between men and women breasts, so any guys taking their shirts off in public could go to prison for ten years.

Will the Honourable Minister, coming from an area where citizens are used to happily walking around uncovered, be the butt of jokes in the house? And will his constituents be the first victims en masse?

The Bill goes on to create what will be effectively a ‘sex police’, the Anti-Pornography Committee, consisting of seven people appointed by the Minister. These seven people will have the right to go anywhere in the country and enter any place, without a warrant, that they think might have access to or be abetting pornography.

This committee will be charged, among other things, of stopping “…erotic behaviour intended to cause sexual excitement.” This will be another good debate to attend in the house, and we cannot wait to hear the Reverend Father answer questions relating to ‘sexual excitement.’ And of course all these popular dancehall dances will be illegal. There goes ‘bend over’ for you.

To be fair the Bill attempts to cover all kinds of publishing of pornographic images, and some tabloids may not be able to carry on what they are doing now. But then again, much of this is covered under the Penal Code Act, so why would the Honourable Reverend father want another one?

The said group of lawyers were of the opinion that nobody would dream of bringing up a law banning mini-skirts, that it would be the subject of so many Constitutional cases and challenges that it would eventually be declared unconstitutional and be thrown out. So, over to you Rev. Fr. Simon Lokodo, MP for Dodoth County, Kaabong District.