Women talk and talk

By Titus Kakembo

The author/psychologist of Stop Arguing, Start Talking, Susan Quilliam interprets this communication as seeking support and assistance from each other’s experiences.

Self-styled relationship counsellor senga Nalukenge of Makindye agrees. “Watch and listen to two women talk. They often use the words like mu butuffu or kwelikweli (really) for emphasis.

But like most men,   these endless conversations, leave John Okello of Banda mystified by his wife Georgina’s need to talk so much with her friends. When she picks up the phone,, he dashes out of the house irritated, returns 10 minutes later to find her still chatting.

“When I talk to my friends, we stick to specifics,” says Okello. “But Georgina and her friends take forever to get to the point.

They waste lots of precious time. She keeps complaining about how there is not enough time to get everything done. Think twice. I know she would accomplish so much more if she talked less.”

But Georgina, 40, like many a busy mother, is unapologetic. “My relation with other ladies makes me a better wife and mother. My sweet husband may not be concerned about a rash or cough disturbing one of the children, but my good and caring friends show concern and share their experiences with me.”

A cross-section of women talked to, like Georgina, have no regrets for networking which is often branded lugambo (gossip) by society.

“I have a business. I can buy anything I need in life. But I had no spouse. My biological clock was ticking so fast,” Grace Nalwoga, 32, in the busy Kikuubo business hub confided in an associate.

And by sheer coincidence, her colleague had a brother who was also searching for a partner after breaking up with his wife. In haste, a blind date was arranged. After dating for six months, the two now live as wife and husband.

“We are trying for a baby now. But after that “networking assistance, when I have a problem, I have no hesitation telling a friend about it.”

Downtown Kampala is The Big Ten a group of married mothers aged between 35-50 who meet every Wednesday at Joka’s Hotel in Bweyogerere. There they chat about how to economically and psychologically support each other. They comprise urban farmers, the self-employed and cross-continent traders.

“When we meet, we discuss how to supplement our individual household incomes and not leave the sole responsibility to our husbands,” says the groups publicist Sanyu Hamida. “We help each other deal with erratic teenage children and emotionally when need be.”

So come burial, traditional marital introduction ceremonies or celebrating twin births, the Big Ten are always there to weep or make merry. Resources are also pooled and loaned to a member whose business needs financial support. Come big days and each family alternately hosts the entire group.

Among university girls exists an unspoken fashion and etiquette yardstick. “When I was fresh from Senior Six, mini-skirts were a no-go zone,” says Shamim Nakirabira of Ndejje University. “But today I wear clothes that fit me like a second skin, make-up now comes naturally — no girl can resist the peer pressure to fit in with age mates at campus.  Besides fashion, we discuss academics, politics and happening places.”

“I have also discovered that girls talk about affairs their friends are having and other scandals. Girls in general are not as good at keeping secrets as men are,” Nakirabira says.

“If a woman is having great sex with a particular man, there is a good chance she is telling her girlfriends about it. Another thing women really love to talk about, concerning men, is their size. If a woman has slept with a man who is well-endowed, you can be sure she is going to brag about it to her girlfriends.” Quilliam says.

True to her word, women in Uganda love to talk about their best sex adventures and love to reminisce their best sexual encounters. Some even mention details of how the sex was. Like their New York counterparts (women) they chat about celebrities. Let’s face it, celebrities are mainly beautiful people and most women want to talk about them or look just like them. They swap tactics of enhancing beauty secrets.