Men, gifts and valentine’s day
Feb 11, 2009
WHY are so many guys scared of Valentine’s Day? And so many females excited about it? Is it because women rule the world?
By Hilary Bainemigisha
hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug
WHY are so many guys scared of Valentine’s Day? And so many females excited about it? Is it because women rule the world?
Before I answer these three questions, I need to tell you, especially men, that Valentine’s Day falls on Saturday starting midnight. It is a day for lovers not a day for gifts as had previously been mentioned.
So, as long as you are a lover, it doesn’t hurt, see? Except, of course, if you are a man and have to buy a gift.
Valentine’s is, to me, an evidence of the natural differences men and women have that need to be respected. We have more problems in love affairs than we do politically because we always want our partners to behave, react and love us like we do.
Yet there are structural differences that make our analyses as inapplicable as the Domestic Relations Bill. Take for instance the act of choosing and giving a gift.
For a woman, it is fun. And it is a process. She dreams about several effective gifts to a special one for a week till the D-day when she has zeroed in on one.
She wakes up that morning excited and calls some friends about it. The team of experts then heads for town to look for the gift.
The search is actually no hunt; they all know where to get what because whenever a woman goes shopping, she takes note of all these things she will need when the time or money comes.
So they get to the gift, but change their minds because along the way, they saw something better; a glittering bee-wax candle that gives various illuminations they all accepted were romantic. It is more expensive and that is why they opt for it.
That it is not the end of the story. They need a thoughtful well-worded card to go along with it and the process of looking for one may take several hours.
Then the wrapping takes its own time because everything must be right. The location of a sellotape may spoil it. That done, the bag to carry the gift in, also has to be chosen carefully by the same team of experts.
Later, the man will receive it with a smile that hides a wish that it should have been something more functional like shoes.
What does one do with a glittering candle that burns out faster than the NSSF probe? or flowers that wither starting the next day, or a well designed placard that can only be kept in bedrooms!
According to men, all this brain input on the right gift is a waste of precious time. Many would just be comfortable opening their wallets and giving a woman money to buy whatever she wants.
Men also think about what gift will be useful to a lady and end up buying an electric flat iron for Valentine’s because she does not have one.
And if the woman is his wife, he is most likely to think of ‘what don’t we have?’ and end up buying her a blanket, which they will both use.
For women a gift does not have to be physically useful as long as it turns out unique, relevant or is evidence of deep—rooted thought.
And that is not all; women want gift—giving to last forever. Even when you give her a car on Valentine’s Day, she will sulk when you do not give her anything on her birthday two weeks later. Men are happy to add all the gift costs for a year into one and buy one huge gift once and for all.
But women want to observe all gift-giving opportunities. And even more! My wife will buy gifts for no reason at all. And these include tiny cute somethings that I do not know what to do with, except to wish they exploded into several shirts by some divine miracle one night.
But I have a solution for the men. Do not debate the female passion for gifts. You cannot match it and criticising it will not erase it from them.
For the sake of harmony, we should play their game, but to play it like them, we need assistance.
Use your sister, female cousin or friend. Ask her to choose a gift for your wife and do not ask questions. She will do the donkey work and love it too. And you will save your time for something else.
But later, when you take her the gift, do not tell her about your sister — it will spoil the romance.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug
WHY are so many guys scared of Valentine’s Day? And so many females excited about it? Is it because women rule the world?
Before I answer these three questions, I need to tell you, especially men, that Valentine’s Day falls on Saturday starting midnight. It is a day for lovers not a day for gifts as had previously been mentioned.
So, as long as you are a lover, it doesn’t hurt, see? Except, of course, if you are a man and have to buy a gift.
Valentine’s is, to me, an evidence of the natural differences men and women have that need to be respected. We have more problems in love affairs than we do politically because we always want our partners to behave, react and love us like we do.
Yet there are structural differences that make our analyses as inapplicable as the Domestic Relations Bill. Take for instance the act of choosing and giving a gift.
For a woman, it is fun. And it is a process. She dreams about several effective gifts to a special one for a week till the D-day when she has zeroed in on one.
She wakes up that morning excited and calls some friends about it. The team of experts then heads for town to look for the gift.
The search is actually no hunt; they all know where to get what because whenever a woman goes shopping, she takes note of all these things she will need when the time or money comes.
So they get to the gift, but change their minds because along the way, they saw something better; a glittering bee-wax candle that gives various illuminations they all accepted were romantic. It is more expensive and that is why they opt for it.
That it is not the end of the story. They need a thoughtful well-worded card to go along with it and the process of looking for one may take several hours.
Then the wrapping takes its own time because everything must be right. The location of a sellotape may spoil it. That done, the bag to carry the gift in, also has to be chosen carefully by the same team of experts.
Later, the man will receive it with a smile that hides a wish that it should have been something more functional like shoes.
What does one do with a glittering candle that burns out faster than the NSSF probe? or flowers that wither starting the next day, or a well designed placard that can only be kept in bedrooms!
According to men, all this brain input on the right gift is a waste of precious time. Many would just be comfortable opening their wallets and giving a woman money to buy whatever she wants.
Men also think about what gift will be useful to a lady and end up buying an electric flat iron for Valentine’s because she does not have one.
And if the woman is his wife, he is most likely to think of ‘what don’t we have?’ and end up buying her a blanket, which they will both use.
For women a gift does not have to be physically useful as long as it turns out unique, relevant or is evidence of deep—rooted thought.
And that is not all; women want gift—giving to last forever. Even when you give her a car on Valentine’s Day, she will sulk when you do not give her anything on her birthday two weeks later. Men are happy to add all the gift costs for a year into one and buy one huge gift once and for all.
But women want to observe all gift-giving opportunities. And even more! My wife will buy gifts for no reason at all. And these include tiny cute somethings that I do not know what to do with, except to wish they exploded into several shirts by some divine miracle one night.
But I have a solution for the men. Do not debate the female passion for gifts. You cannot match it and criticising it will not erase it from them.
For the sake of harmony, we should play their game, but to play it like them, we need assistance.
Use your sister, female cousin or friend. Ask her to choose a gift for your wife and do not ask questions. She will do the donkey work and love it too. And you will save your time for something else.
But later, when you take her the gift, do not tell her about your sister — it will spoil the romance.
Happy Valentine’s Day.