12 wacky resolutions this year
Jan 15, 2009
A COMMON greeting and question in January is: “what is your new year’s resolution?†And the replies are often either some overboard stuff or queer ones like someone saying she wants to make more babies.
By Jacobs Odongo
A COMMON greeting and question in January is: “what is your new year’s resolution?†And the replies are often either some overboard stuff or queer ones like someone saying she wants to make more babies.
Yuk! I may respect your view, but why don’t we all think of staving ourselves of some habits, that can both embarrass and be health hazards to us? If you buy my idea, then here we go:
12: December
Sniffing my socks and underwear every time I take them off is something I have struggled to stop. We all know it is not the right thing to do, as in ‘girlfriend catches you in the act and you feel like disappearing into the ground’.
Sometimes I ask myself: “Why do I do this?†Of course, to confirm they are dirty. Now, if you are like me, start washing them regularly rather than sniffing them.
Being a double figure month, I will also have to stop biting my finger nails; some places in my nose are getting harder to reach. Oh, I got to stop picking my nose in public, too.
11: November
Stop being a poser; I will stop doing that signature pose of mine in every picture I take. I realised I will never be as cool as Bruce Lee or 50 Cent. To achieve it best, I have started trying now.
It is better to be yourself than to go about posing because, what would you do if the music stopped playing and you found yourself bare like dressed chicken?
Another two figure month: so I also have to try to shave and be neat, always, considering that I did not get short-listed for the beard/mustache award of 2008! Rustafarianism is no excuse because some rastas are neat.
10: October
Learn to watch and appreciate soap operas so that when I come home late from a premiership match on Saturday, I can sooth my wife on Sunday by sitting on the couch with her and enjoying the Gardener’s Daughter. Okay, I am not married so this applies to you reading this. This year should be our year of squares.
9: September
I have a friend whose tummy is getting bigger by the day. I have been advising him to spare time for exercise and reduce on his beer and pork intake.
Okay, he heeds me on Monday, but on Tuesday he will abscond the gym routine. Please, do not be like this friend; in 2009, we should all be in good shape.
8: August
Eat more vegetables. August is a wet month in our pearly country and from Kabale, the best of succulent greens will be going to all corners of the country that cannot grow their own vegetables. See, red meat is a health hazard, so are eggs, chips, milk and many other dishes that dot our dining tables. But greens are certified healthy foods.
7: July
Do not get worked up over little things. People get so uptight. For instance, I was in a taxi approaching Spear Motors traffic control, and this pick-up truck pulled up beside the taxi honking its horn.
The driver eventually started yelling. His problem: Some other taxi had driven his tail. Slow down and enjoy life. You do not have to hurl insults at another motorist because he overtook you; denied you way to overtake him and such minor things.
6: June
I do not have enough bad manners that men do in my head just now; I just cannot figure anything, so we go on.
5: May
Do not gossip. We have this neighbour in Kakira, Jinja, who is the worst when it comes to this. She is always in everyone’s business, which is amazing indeed, because the people in her family are not the brightest crayons in the box.
She will tell you how Pauline’s daughter is loose, yet her own daughters . . . excuse me, by the time we get to May, we ought to have done away with gossip in our lives. I was already gossiping.
But if you really want to hear more about my neighbour, just e-mail me and I will tell you all about it. Just remember, do not gossip.
Oh. By the way, I just found Number #6: June-get organised! I just only realised that it is because I was a little disorganised that I forgot number 6. So, do not allow ‘disorganised’ to creep into your work.
4: April
My History teacher in high school used to smoke like a chimney. Because in class I often cut an appearance of a mute, I once left him gaping when he dared me to say what I would have done if I were Nelson Mandela taking up presidency after decades of suffering.
He must have expected me to say revenge or diplomacy but I said ‘ban smoking.’
Well, smoking can kill you and, because you can live without fags and still lead a healthy life, you should stop it. I regard smokers as losers who lost to chaps like us in the November MTN Kampala marathon.
Now, if you have a bone to pick with me because I called smokers names, my plea is “Forgive others for calling you names!†This plea also is our Number 3 (March).
2: February
After January blues, devoid of social activities, February is surely coming with a bang. And then the corporate men will be in party moods. I am also corporate and one thing I want to learn is to behave during parties; I will not be hissing and staring at ushers.
They are hot, fine, but they are there to work. I will also try to respect the dress-code and eat like the corporate I am. I also know that I use PSV’s often and so it is my responsibility not to hang my arm on the back of the seat and cut a posture of one who owns the taxi.
It is even worse on those occasions when my armpits are sweaty. Phew! I have to be more gentlemanly.
1: January
Always finish what you started. Some things really give us a hard time finishing them. But when you learn this simple rule in January, believe you me, by December, you will be dope.
Stay focused. And remember, you just started 2009, so do not be idle and you will never ever be till 2010. I wish you a happy and healthy 2009!
A COMMON greeting and question in January is: “what is your new year’s resolution?†And the replies are often either some overboard stuff or queer ones like someone saying she wants to make more babies.
Yuk! I may respect your view, but why don’t we all think of staving ourselves of some habits, that can both embarrass and be health hazards to us? If you buy my idea, then here we go:
12: December
Sniffing my socks and underwear every time I take them off is something I have struggled to stop. We all know it is not the right thing to do, as in ‘girlfriend catches you in the act and you feel like disappearing into the ground’.
Sometimes I ask myself: “Why do I do this?†Of course, to confirm they are dirty. Now, if you are like me, start washing them regularly rather than sniffing them.
Being a double figure month, I will also have to stop biting my finger nails; some places in my nose are getting harder to reach. Oh, I got to stop picking my nose in public, too.
11: November
Stop being a poser; I will stop doing that signature pose of mine in every picture I take. I realised I will never be as cool as Bruce Lee or 50 Cent. To achieve it best, I have started trying now.
It is better to be yourself than to go about posing because, what would you do if the music stopped playing and you found yourself bare like dressed chicken?
Another two figure month: so I also have to try to shave and be neat, always, considering that I did not get short-listed for the beard/mustache award of 2008! Rustafarianism is no excuse because some rastas are neat.
10: October
Learn to watch and appreciate soap operas so that when I come home late from a premiership match on Saturday, I can sooth my wife on Sunday by sitting on the couch with her and enjoying the Gardener’s Daughter. Okay, I am not married so this applies to you reading this. This year should be our year of squares.
9: September
I have a friend whose tummy is getting bigger by the day. I have been advising him to spare time for exercise and reduce on his beer and pork intake.
Okay, he heeds me on Monday, but on Tuesday he will abscond the gym routine. Please, do not be like this friend; in 2009, we should all be in good shape.
8: August
Eat more vegetables. August is a wet month in our pearly country and from Kabale, the best of succulent greens will be going to all corners of the country that cannot grow their own vegetables. See, red meat is a health hazard, so are eggs, chips, milk and many other dishes that dot our dining tables. But greens are certified healthy foods.
7: July
Do not get worked up over little things. People get so uptight. For instance, I was in a taxi approaching Spear Motors traffic control, and this pick-up truck pulled up beside the taxi honking its horn.
The driver eventually started yelling. His problem: Some other taxi had driven his tail. Slow down and enjoy life. You do not have to hurl insults at another motorist because he overtook you; denied you way to overtake him and such minor things.
6: June
I do not have enough bad manners that men do in my head just now; I just cannot figure anything, so we go on.
5: May
Do not gossip. We have this neighbour in Kakira, Jinja, who is the worst when it comes to this. She is always in everyone’s business, which is amazing indeed, because the people in her family are not the brightest crayons in the box.
She will tell you how Pauline’s daughter is loose, yet her own daughters . . . excuse me, by the time we get to May, we ought to have done away with gossip in our lives. I was already gossiping.
But if you really want to hear more about my neighbour, just e-mail me and I will tell you all about it. Just remember, do not gossip.
Oh. By the way, I just found Number #6: June-get organised! I just only realised that it is because I was a little disorganised that I forgot number 6. So, do not allow ‘disorganised’ to creep into your work.
4: April
My History teacher in high school used to smoke like a chimney. Because in class I often cut an appearance of a mute, I once left him gaping when he dared me to say what I would have done if I were Nelson Mandela taking up presidency after decades of suffering.
He must have expected me to say revenge or diplomacy but I said ‘ban smoking.’
Well, smoking can kill you and, because you can live without fags and still lead a healthy life, you should stop it. I regard smokers as losers who lost to chaps like us in the November MTN Kampala marathon.
Now, if you have a bone to pick with me because I called smokers names, my plea is “Forgive others for calling you names!†This plea also is our Number 3 (March).
2: February
After January blues, devoid of social activities, February is surely coming with a bang. And then the corporate men will be in party moods. I am also corporate and one thing I want to learn is to behave during parties; I will not be hissing and staring at ushers.
They are hot, fine, but they are there to work. I will also try to respect the dress-code and eat like the corporate I am. I also know that I use PSV’s often and so it is my responsibility not to hang my arm on the back of the seat and cut a posture of one who owns the taxi.
It is even worse on those occasions when my armpits are sweaty. Phew! I have to be more gentlemanly.
1: January
Always finish what you started. Some things really give us a hard time finishing them. But when you learn this simple rule in January, believe you me, by December, you will be dope.
Stay focused. And remember, you just started 2009, so do not be idle and you will never ever be till 2010. I wish you a happy and healthy 2009!