Saved men slow, sisters say

By Lola Naggayi

QUESTIONS are being asked in church circles: Why are there so many wonderful God-fearing beautiful single women in Born-again churches yet there are intelligent, handsome God-fearing single brothers around them? Are the brothers more concerned with building a relationship with God than fulfilling their call to matrimony?

Many times, Born-again girls end up in romantic relationships with men who are not born-again and Born-again churches discourage this. But the sisters argue that they are tired of waiting. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

A friend has made it a habit of complaining about the ‘good boys’ in church. “I participate in one of those serious departments in my church (Drama team). But the men who make passes at me are ‘secular’ ones. Where are the Christian men?” she cries out.
Anita, 24, of Kampala Pentecostal Church choir adds her voice to the cry: “These brothers need to speed up. They are too religious to be of much use. Even if God gave them their Eve, they would have to reach out to her.”

But Sheila, 25, of Prayer Palace in Makindye doesn’t believe Christian brothers are slow. “The boys pretend to be slow when at church, but while outside they act fast. In their spirituality, they look at church girls as siblings other than potential wives. Some of them fear to be judged, especially if a girl says no.”

She says most guys act as if they do not have feelings or do not appreciate ‘God’s creations’. Even when the church organises functions like conferences or workshops, when people are networking, they just turn blind.
So much being said by the ladies; where are the guys? Augustine Mwebaza, 22, of the Universal Church of God says: “We are not slow. We are taking time choosing the right partners.”

His friend, cleaning the church, bumps into our heated debate: “Did I hear someone say we are slow?” Maybe those KPC guys are slow but here we are not. Even our girls make advances.”

But walking in for a fellowship session, Sharon Anada smiles when invited into the debate: “True; these boys are too slow, some are confused. They don’t know who to choose while others fear to be disappointed because the girls can also pretend to be unfriendly,” she says.

She however, blames fellow sisters. She says most of the girls are pretty, attractive but they lack good characters. So boys do not find them wife material.

Joshua Kalungi of Full Gospel Church, Makerere agrees: “Apart from praying, fasting, dressing up and looking hot, many of the girls I see at church are not marriage materials. They look lazy and unserious in everything they do. They spend their time with friends and attend every function.”

Unlike Kalungi, Eric Musiitwa of All Saints’ Church, has the guts to own up: “We are slow because church girls tend to act free with everyone at church. How can you go for a chic who jumps around with everybody?” he wonders. “So however much a church girl is striking, the best thing I can do with her is flirt around and then we remain ‘hi’ friends.”

However, there are indeed ‘fast’ brothers in the church pews and they are still single. What is the problem? “I cannot speak for others, but I have been shot down by many of the single women I have asked out over the years,” reveals Martin Ssemusu, 23, of St. Augustine Chapel, Makerere.

Ssemusu accuses the girls of being unrealistic. “They always want to act like women in the soaps they watch. The reason they are single and worried.”

Worried? Interesting! Apart from exceptional cases of “fast” brothers like Ssemusu, the general consensus is that brothers are dragging their feet. So how fast do the girls want men to move?

“If you have been sending vibes to the guy, one year is too long for him not to say anything, especially if he is also interested in you. I am not against devotion but you visit the guy and he pulls out a Bible to lead you into devotions, asking how the service was,” Anita says.

Perhaps pastors and church mentors unwittingly contribute to this ‘trend’ of guys appearing slow because guys may not want to be judged as immoral and sinful by trying to be ‘fast’. Is dating wrong?

“Dating is important after salvation because the next thing is family. Girls should work on their image at church,” says Pastor Joshua Banabita of Universal Church of God in Kampala.

Accusations and counter accusations aside, one matter has been cleared; it is fine to date in church. Go forth and conquer the world.

Tips on initiating love within a Born-again setting

There is nothing sinful about love to make you guilty.

Dating is a natural stage of development we all have to go through.

We are all created in the image of God. Any self doubt or feeling of inadequacy abuses the confidence our creator has in us. Your strength is in your personality not physical appearance or material possessions.

Rejection of love doesn’t mean you are inadequate or worthless. A ‘no’ may mean you don’t match her ideal husband or she is already hooked. Get another one. The alternatives are many.

Don’t base so much on her external attributes because they are not durable and may make the girl arrogant. Look at her personality.

First consider durable attributes like qualification, self-sustaining ability, family background, behaviour and compatibility before you zero on one girl.

Then don’t wait for too long before informing the girl because you may not be the only one eyeing her.Start dating and trying to adjust to each other.

Become friends before introducing your intention. Do so clearly without leaving any doubts that you are looking for a wife. If she asks for time to study you, let her do. It is the most logical response.

Some people find it safer to go through friends, pastors or relatives.

Don’t fear to be seen with her as long as you have honest intentions.

Pray to God for guidance because dating presents many forms of temptation like pre-marital sex.