Police officers starved? Here is the solution!
Apr 29, 2009
OUR police officers are sexually starved due to the perennial housing shortage among the custodians of law and order. Parents share a single roomed uniport with kids and, on some occasions, different families share the uniport.
Hilary Bainemigisha
OUR police officers are sexually starved due to the perennial housing shortage among the custodians of law and order. Parents share a single roomed uniport with kids and, on some occasions, different families share the uniport.
On school holidays like these, marriage consummation is a no fly zone. What I haven’t heard yet is different couples sharing a bed. But if I do hear of it, I won’t be surprised. It is what often happens to people who would rather vote a cow than “The Movement.â€
But well, over to the scene:
It is 7:30pm and Afande is already ordering the kids to bed. He hopes by 9:00pm, the most resistant to sleep would have fallen and the coast will be clear for a stealth landing. He rushes off for a swallow of lira-lira (potent gin) because he needs to dull his stubborn conscience.
He returns to quietness that he deems is enough for the rat to approach the kamasu (trap). This usually begins with a roll call: Afande calls out the names of the children to see who is still awake: Bosco! (silence) Bosco! (more snoring) Goretti! (same) Goretti! (no change) Henry! Paula! … And because answers seem to be louder than snores, he turns to Maama Baby with a special announcement: They are asleep, Ho!
Paula and Henry may be in slumberland but Bosco and Goretti are used to this procedure and they know that keeping quiet ensures some measure of entertainment.
The parents are suspicious too and that is why Maama Baby patriotically uses her second team always, fearing that her first 11 would bury her kids in dust. The dad and the lira-lira in his veins decide that they have done their part with the roll-call.
Anyone who is still awake is guilty of lying under oath and, therefore, deserves the ‘punishment’ anyway. Nevertheless, the war remains low key, without artillery and fireworks because one team is sober. Afande makes a mental note to keep checking on his Cuban mercenary for better fun and his wife wishes she had married that peasant farmer in their village who was in hot pursuit before a smart policeman descended from the city.
The only obvious success of such encounters being the sharp, sexually active five-year-old kids the couple brings up to the world.
Back to the studio: This is not limited to police barracks. It happens in slums, single-room mizigos and, until recently, in camps for internally displaced persons.
But because it doesn’t destabilise government, it is always shelved for later consideration. After all, it is hidden behind grass-thatch, rusty iron sheets and collapsing tiles.
That is until the MPs strayed into one of the police barracks and, like Adam and Eve, discovered the country was naked!
We may think it is my neighbour’s problem; wait till your own kids go to school with fellows who are veterans of sex on stage!
Up to now, I still doubt whether my parents actually ate fruits and I would not have taken their abstinence advice seriously if I had suspected anything like it. Now I am scared there are kids who know how dad engages his gears! And the older ones must be disappointed in their parents’ virulence not knowing that they were playing with their second teams to keep the cheering to a minimum.
But, seriously, we need an urgent solution if we are to have law and order, polite policemen, service with a smile and patriotism. And as we wait for solutions from Above, I have a few solutions.
First and very foremost, the police leaders should avail privacy at least on a rotational basis. Starting as an emergency, pitch several tents within the barracks and make a rota when the different couples can use them for 12 hours of freedom. Call them a camouflage name like Hospital, Resort, or Halleluiah to keep off eavesdroppers.
These can later be upgraded into huts, houses and when the Police are well-housed, museums of love.
Over to you Kayihura
In the meantime, individual cops should think out of the box. Arrange with some relatives and friends for night-long visits where you are assured of your own rooms.
You can save money for an occasional hotel or lodge night out or make use of the parade grounds on a moonless night. That way, you will keep fireworks in your marriages without infecting the kids.
hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug
OUR police officers are sexually starved due to the perennial housing shortage among the custodians of law and order. Parents share a single roomed uniport with kids and, on some occasions, different families share the uniport.
On school holidays like these, marriage consummation is a no fly zone. What I haven’t heard yet is different couples sharing a bed. But if I do hear of it, I won’t be surprised. It is what often happens to people who would rather vote a cow than “The Movement.â€
But well, over to the scene:
It is 7:30pm and Afande is already ordering the kids to bed. He hopes by 9:00pm, the most resistant to sleep would have fallen and the coast will be clear for a stealth landing. He rushes off for a swallow of lira-lira (potent gin) because he needs to dull his stubborn conscience.
He returns to quietness that he deems is enough for the rat to approach the kamasu (trap). This usually begins with a roll call: Afande calls out the names of the children to see who is still awake: Bosco! (silence) Bosco! (more snoring) Goretti! (same) Goretti! (no change) Henry! Paula! … And because answers seem to be louder than snores, he turns to Maama Baby with a special announcement: They are asleep, Ho!
Paula and Henry may be in slumberland but Bosco and Goretti are used to this procedure and they know that keeping quiet ensures some measure of entertainment.
The parents are suspicious too and that is why Maama Baby patriotically uses her second team always, fearing that her first 11 would bury her kids in dust. The dad and the lira-lira in his veins decide that they have done their part with the roll-call.
Anyone who is still awake is guilty of lying under oath and, therefore, deserves the ‘punishment’ anyway. Nevertheless, the war remains low key, without artillery and fireworks because one team is sober. Afande makes a mental note to keep checking on his Cuban mercenary for better fun and his wife wishes she had married that peasant farmer in their village who was in hot pursuit before a smart policeman descended from the city.
The only obvious success of such encounters being the sharp, sexually active five-year-old kids the couple brings up to the world.
Back to the studio: This is not limited to police barracks. It happens in slums, single-room mizigos and, until recently, in camps for internally displaced persons.
But because it doesn’t destabilise government, it is always shelved for later consideration. After all, it is hidden behind grass-thatch, rusty iron sheets and collapsing tiles.
That is until the MPs strayed into one of the police barracks and, like Adam and Eve, discovered the country was naked!
We may think it is my neighbour’s problem; wait till your own kids go to school with fellows who are veterans of sex on stage!
Up to now, I still doubt whether my parents actually ate fruits and I would not have taken their abstinence advice seriously if I had suspected anything like it. Now I am scared there are kids who know how dad engages his gears! And the older ones must be disappointed in their parents’ virulence not knowing that they were playing with their second teams to keep the cheering to a minimum.
But, seriously, we need an urgent solution if we are to have law and order, polite policemen, service with a smile and patriotism. And as we wait for solutions from Above, I have a few solutions.
First and very foremost, the police leaders should avail privacy at least on a rotational basis. Starting as an emergency, pitch several tents within the barracks and make a rota when the different couples can use them for 12 hours of freedom. Call them a camouflage name like Hospital, Resort, or Halleluiah to keep off eavesdroppers.
These can later be upgraded into huts, houses and when the Police are well-housed, museums of love.
Over to you Kayihura
In the meantime, individual cops should think out of the box. Arrange with some relatives and friends for night-long visits where you are assured of your own rooms.
You can save money for an occasional hotel or lodge night out or make use of the parade grounds on a moonless night. That way, you will keep fireworks in your marriages without infecting the kids.
hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug