Why would a pastor mine a manhole?
May 22, 2009
I still don’t want to believe that Pastor Kayanja of Miracle Centre is being accused of homosexuality. I first met Kayanja in Mbarara in 1985. I was in S5, trudging on under an overwhelming teenage libido that was scaring many daughters of parents. I wa
I still don’t want to believe that Pastor Kayanja of Miracle Centre is being accused of homosexuality. I first met Kayanja in Mbarara in 1985. I was in S5, trudging on under an overwhelming teenage libido that was scaring many daughters of parents. I was impressed by this fiery fire-spitting young preacher who was said to be a miracle worker. Because I was getting scared of sharing genes with Jacob Zuma, I went for healing.
He told us to touch where our concern were (I touched my loins) and blared off ordering demons to disperse. Unfortunately, the loins’ resident, thinking it was time for action, woke up and became combat-ready especially because Kayanja dwelt a bit too long on the exorcism prayer. Instead of a solution, the field marshal remained demanding for the whole weekend!
My long life has taken me through a variety of experiences that included pastors and their aggressive way of communicating with God. I always sympathise with them especially when they see themselves scaring off demons, throwing down physically fit grown-ups, attracting flattering crowds, running overloaded accounts and, generally, becoming the alpha males. That perception of power leaves no biological human standing. As long as you conceive yourself as extremely powerful, even if it is ‘in the name of the Lord’, something has to occur to your ego, identification of challenges and adventurous ambitions.
Napoleon chose to ride a wild horse, Fugita drank poison and proved invincibility, Hitler wanted to conquer the whole world, Shaka to live forever, Amin to invade South Africa and Gadaffi became king of kings, et cetera et cetera. And most of these perished in their unending quest for insuperability.
Back to my beloved pastors: When God the Almighty calls whenever you beep Him, you heal ailments that consultants have given up on, money knows your nickname, your name fills Namboole with crowds, you can drive any car you want, own private jets, house the Police, employ ministers as spokespersons etc, you start getting bored of normal achievements and look to indomitable feats others only fantasise about. And the basic fantasies lie in mystery and sex. You know that all the women would kill to get you so bedding many would not be an achievement. So the temptation to turn your guns onto the mysterious, out of bounds and exigent male buttocks gets born. Because it is scary, out of the ordinary and constitutes an absolute conquest of men, you succumb and mine the manhole.
Homosexuality is actually the leading killer disease of many religious leaders and their reputations. In America, the Catholic Church is still wiping off its shame, in England, the Anglican Church even shifted goalposts to accommodate its pastors with a back-firing inclination and in Uganda, pastors have shifted their energies from preaching to trading homosexual accusations.
In the end, there is no end. Police grills the accusers instead, victims deny their parents, government officials arbitrate for a peaceful solution, and the hopes of finding the owner of the blazing gun fade.
But behold all yee faithful; I wish I had a better prophesy. I am afraid homosexuality will remain in Uganda for as long as our pastors remain powerful.
He told us to touch where our concern were (I touched my loins) and blared off ordering demons to disperse. Unfortunately, the loins’ resident, thinking it was time for action, woke up and became combat-ready especially because Kayanja dwelt a bit too long on the exorcism prayer. Instead of a solution, the field marshal remained demanding for the whole weekend!
My long life has taken me through a variety of experiences that included pastors and their aggressive way of communicating with God. I always sympathise with them especially when they see themselves scaring off demons, throwing down physically fit grown-ups, attracting flattering crowds, running overloaded accounts and, generally, becoming the alpha males. That perception of power leaves no biological human standing. As long as you conceive yourself as extremely powerful, even if it is ‘in the name of the Lord’, something has to occur to your ego, identification of challenges and adventurous ambitions.
Napoleon chose to ride a wild horse, Fugita drank poison and proved invincibility, Hitler wanted to conquer the whole world, Shaka to live forever, Amin to invade South Africa and Gadaffi became king of kings, et cetera et cetera. And most of these perished in their unending quest for insuperability.
Back to my beloved pastors: When God the Almighty calls whenever you beep Him, you heal ailments that consultants have given up on, money knows your nickname, your name fills Namboole with crowds, you can drive any car you want, own private jets, house the Police, employ ministers as spokespersons etc, you start getting bored of normal achievements and look to indomitable feats others only fantasise about. And the basic fantasies lie in mystery and sex. You know that all the women would kill to get you so bedding many would not be an achievement. So the temptation to turn your guns onto the mysterious, out of bounds and exigent male buttocks gets born. Because it is scary, out of the ordinary and constitutes an absolute conquest of men, you succumb and mine the manhole.
Homosexuality is actually the leading killer disease of many religious leaders and their reputations. In America, the Catholic Church is still wiping off its shame, in England, the Anglican Church even shifted goalposts to accommodate its pastors with a back-firing inclination and in Uganda, pastors have shifted their energies from preaching to trading homosexual accusations.
In the end, there is no end. Police grills the accusers instead, victims deny their parents, government officials arbitrate for a peaceful solution, and the hopes of finding the owner of the blazing gun fade.
But behold all yee faithful; I wish I had a better prophesy. I am afraid homosexuality will remain in Uganda for as long as our pastors remain powerful.