My wife has left me because I am HIV-positive
Jul 12, 2009
HIV discordance where two sexual partners test differently is a phenomenon which is not easy to explain.
Face HIV with Dr. Watiti
Dear Doctor,
I recently tested for HIV with my wife and found I am positive while she is negative. We have been together for 10 years and having unprotected sex. Since the test, she has abandoned me and told all my relatives, friends and children about my status. She says I misbehaved and God has punished me. I have only two girls and I have a stable job and wish to have another child.
Bob
Dear Bob,
HIV discordance where two sexual partners test differently is a phenomenon which is not easy to explain.
Your wife’s behaviour is regrettable but to understand her you need to put yourself in her shoes. You both need to undergo couple counselling and need to know as much as possible the facts about HIV/AIDS: how it is spread and how it affects one’s immune system.
People who are in discordant relationships need not separate and should consistently have protected sex.
You should suspend the idea of having children.
First get registered for care with a credible health care facility so that you can begin ARV treatment.
When your CD4 count is high and stable with a low viral load, meaning the virus has been maximally suppressed and your immune system is repaired, you can discuss with your doctor how you can have a baby with your wife without putting her at risk of acquiring the disease.
Looking at HIV/AIDS as a punishment from God is missing the point. We have over 2 million children infected with HIV worldwide, plus many people who despite being faithful to their partners, got infected with HIV.
I think HIV is a bad disease which should be fought by all of us and should never be turned into a moral issue.
Dear Doctor,
I recently tested for HIV with my wife and found I am positive while she is negative. We have been together for 10 years and having unprotected sex. Since the test, she has abandoned me and told all my relatives, friends and children about my status. She says I misbehaved and God has punished me. I have only two girls and I have a stable job and wish to have another child.
Bob
Dear Bob,
HIV discordance where two sexual partners test differently is a phenomenon which is not easy to explain.
Your wife’s behaviour is regrettable but to understand her you need to put yourself in her shoes. You both need to undergo couple counselling and need to know as much as possible the facts about HIV/AIDS: how it is spread and how it affects one’s immune system.
People who are in discordant relationships need not separate and should consistently have protected sex.
You should suspend the idea of having children.
First get registered for care with a credible health care facility so that you can begin ARV treatment.
When your CD4 count is high and stable with a low viral load, meaning the virus has been maximally suppressed and your immune system is repaired, you can discuss with your doctor how you can have a baby with your wife without putting her at risk of acquiring the disease.
Looking at HIV/AIDS as a punishment from God is missing the point. We have over 2 million children infected with HIV worldwide, plus many people who despite being faithful to their partners, got infected with HIV.
I think HIV is a bad disease which should be fought by all of us and should never be turned into a moral issue.