Help your child cope with challenges
Aug 09, 2009
THE concept of stress is traditionally defined for only adults. People think only adults get stressed, yet children also do, only that they sometimes cannot communicate with ease to the people they live with. Our lives can be overwhelmingly busy due to ti
BY Winniefred Nanteza
THE concept of stress is traditionally defined for only adults. People think only adults get stressed, yet children also do, only that they sometimes cannot communicate with ease to the people they live with. Our lives can be overwhelmingly busy due to tight schedules.
The pressure to excel not just in academics, but in multiple arenas, starts at an early age, continuing into adulthood. You can help your child and yourself, if you learn how to keep calm.
A study conducted by Georgia Witkin, a prominent clinical psychologist at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine, revealed a great deal of discrepancy between parents’ perception of what upsets their children and the children’s actual worries.
Parents, according to Dr. Witkin, underestimate how much insomnia children experience when they are stressed, how much school stresses them, and how much parental behaviour — fighting, getting angry, losing control emotionally or physically — upsets and frightens them.
The children surveyed said their top stressors were school, concerns about family and parents, health, divorce, peer pressure, bullies and world concerns (safe air and water, nuclear war and injustice).
And, of course, Dr. Witkin notes, it is crucial that we help children deal with the stress by providing them with support, reassurance and lots of affection and motivation.
Parents should recognise that children experience stress, although they express it differently from adults. They should also be attuned to the myriad of physical, emotional and behavioural symptoms of childhood stress.
Children in various age groups, have different ways of expressing stress, although there is certainly a great deal of overlap. Toddlers and pre-schoolers may develop nervous habits like nail biting, excessive blinking, hair twirling, may appear fearful or clingy, regressive or have frequent tantrums, chronic diarrhoea, belly pain or frequent colds.
School-age children might experience unexplained aches and pain, including stomach aches and headaches, changes in eating or sleeping habits, nightmares, anxiety or nervous habits, refusal to go to school, a drop in grades or decreased desire to be with friends.
Dr. Rebecca Kivumbi, a paediatrician with AAR clinic, says some children may just be fatigued and seem to cope very well. Others may have mood swings, changes in sleep patterns, reverting to behaviours of a younger age (thumb sucking, bedwetting, clinging to their parents, etc).
However, Dr Kivumbi says sometimes these signs may be symptoms of other conditions and illnesses. Any sudden change in behaviour in children, which is not related to developmental stages, is, therefore, cause for concern.
A combination of these signs or the sudden appearance of one or two that persists for long, warrant further observation. In any case, when stress interferes with a child’s life so that the child feels overwhelmed, depressed, or physically ill, it may be time to see a professional (child’s doctor, counsellor or a therapist).
Dr. Passy Nakalyowa, a clinical psychologist in Mengo, says many children will get stressed but will not talk about it with their parents or guardians. They do not even know what they are going through, hence the need for someone to help them open up.
Parents should know that children have their own ways of dealing with stress, and that coping strategies that work for one youngster may not necessarily work for another.
According to Dr. Nakalyowa, parents should help set up a manageable balance in their children’s lives — with children having enough freedom to feel some personal power, yet with enough structure to predict what is coming next. Although children have been affected by the unsettling conditions in the world over the past few years, Samuel Galiwango, a father of five and a retired primary teacher, believes many of the factors leading to childhood stress originate from home.
“Our children are taking on our own hectic lifestyles. The stress we face is filtered down to them. Children think that the constant rat race is just the way life is supposed to be,†says Galiwango.
He adds that because we are living in a competitive world, pressure to succeed starts early, and parents, wanting only the best for their children, can inadvertently increase the stress on their children by providing them with too many activities or enhancement programmes.
“Parents often engage in the ‘mini-me’ syndrome and want to raise ‘trophy children’ they can show off proudly and whom they hope will make up for their own shortcomings or unfulfilled dreams,†says Dr. Nakalyowa.
She says although it may be difficult, parents should be honest with themselves about their real motivation for pushing their children.
Sometimes children become overwhelmed even when they have parents who are careful not to exert excessive pressure on them.
Joan Nabukeera, a pupil of Buganda Road Primary School, says she worries about getting good grades because she wants her parents to be proud of her.
“Sometimes I feel stressed whenthings get too much for me to handle. For instance, when I have a test at school, I get afraid that I may not finish in time. I am afraid that my teacher or mom will be disappointed if I do not perform well,†Nabukeera says.
Children also experience stress if there is an illness in the family or if there is excessive parental conflict. It is particularly difficult for them if they are given the message that they are not supposed to talk about these things.
Parents should know that providing a safe place for children to express their feelings is a very important way of decreasing their stress level.
Nabukeera, a Primary Five pupil, also worries about becoming popular and making friends in her new school. Her mother, a business lady, says: “Children worry about meeting their parents’ expectations, both real and imagined.
In these stressful times, it is more challenging to raise children who are happy, secure and self-confident. However, parents should know that hugs, affection and play cost nothing, but go a long way in touching children’s hearts.
Signs of stress in children
Nail biting
Excessive blinking
Being fearful or clingy
Frequent tantrums
Chronic diarrhoea
Frequent colds
Unexplained aches and pain ( including stomach and head aches)
Changes in eating or sleeping habits
Nightmares and anxiety
Refusal to go to school
Drop in grades
Less desire to be with friends
THE concept of stress is traditionally defined for only adults. People think only adults get stressed, yet children also do, only that they sometimes cannot communicate with ease to the people they live with. Our lives can be overwhelmingly busy due to tight schedules.
The pressure to excel not just in academics, but in multiple arenas, starts at an early age, continuing into adulthood. You can help your child and yourself, if you learn how to keep calm.
A study conducted by Georgia Witkin, a prominent clinical psychologist at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine, revealed a great deal of discrepancy between parents’ perception of what upsets their children and the children’s actual worries.
Parents, according to Dr. Witkin, underestimate how much insomnia children experience when they are stressed, how much school stresses them, and how much parental behaviour — fighting, getting angry, losing control emotionally or physically — upsets and frightens them.
The children surveyed said their top stressors were school, concerns about family and parents, health, divorce, peer pressure, bullies and world concerns (safe air and water, nuclear war and injustice).
And, of course, Dr. Witkin notes, it is crucial that we help children deal with the stress by providing them with support, reassurance and lots of affection and motivation.
Parents should recognise that children experience stress, although they express it differently from adults. They should also be attuned to the myriad of physical, emotional and behavioural symptoms of childhood stress.
Children in various age groups, have different ways of expressing stress, although there is certainly a great deal of overlap. Toddlers and pre-schoolers may develop nervous habits like nail biting, excessive blinking, hair twirling, may appear fearful or clingy, regressive or have frequent tantrums, chronic diarrhoea, belly pain or frequent colds.
School-age children might experience unexplained aches and pain, including stomach aches and headaches, changes in eating or sleeping habits, nightmares, anxiety or nervous habits, refusal to go to school, a drop in grades or decreased desire to be with friends.
Dr. Rebecca Kivumbi, a paediatrician with AAR clinic, says some children may just be fatigued and seem to cope very well. Others may have mood swings, changes in sleep patterns, reverting to behaviours of a younger age (thumb sucking, bedwetting, clinging to their parents, etc).
However, Dr Kivumbi says sometimes these signs may be symptoms of other conditions and illnesses. Any sudden change in behaviour in children, which is not related to developmental stages, is, therefore, cause for concern.
A combination of these signs or the sudden appearance of one or two that persists for long, warrant further observation. In any case, when stress interferes with a child’s life so that the child feels overwhelmed, depressed, or physically ill, it may be time to see a professional (child’s doctor, counsellor or a therapist).
Dr. Passy Nakalyowa, a clinical psychologist in Mengo, says many children will get stressed but will not talk about it with their parents or guardians. They do not even know what they are going through, hence the need for someone to help them open up.
Parents should know that children have their own ways of dealing with stress, and that coping strategies that work for one youngster may not necessarily work for another.
According to Dr. Nakalyowa, parents should help set up a manageable balance in their children’s lives — with children having enough freedom to feel some personal power, yet with enough structure to predict what is coming next. Although children have been affected by the unsettling conditions in the world over the past few years, Samuel Galiwango, a father of five and a retired primary teacher, believes many of the factors leading to childhood stress originate from home.
“Our children are taking on our own hectic lifestyles. The stress we face is filtered down to them. Children think that the constant rat race is just the way life is supposed to be,†says Galiwango.
He adds that because we are living in a competitive world, pressure to succeed starts early, and parents, wanting only the best for their children, can inadvertently increase the stress on their children by providing them with too many activities or enhancement programmes.
“Parents often engage in the ‘mini-me’ syndrome and want to raise ‘trophy children’ they can show off proudly and whom they hope will make up for their own shortcomings or unfulfilled dreams,†says Dr. Nakalyowa.
She says although it may be difficult, parents should be honest with themselves about their real motivation for pushing their children.
Sometimes children become overwhelmed even when they have parents who are careful not to exert excessive pressure on them.
Joan Nabukeera, a pupil of Buganda Road Primary School, says she worries about getting good grades because she wants her parents to be proud of her.
“Sometimes I feel stressed whenthings get too much for me to handle. For instance, when I have a test at school, I get afraid that I may not finish in time. I am afraid that my teacher or mom will be disappointed if I do not perform well,†Nabukeera says.
Children also experience stress if there is an illness in the family or if there is excessive parental conflict. It is particularly difficult for them if they are given the message that they are not supposed to talk about these things.
Parents should know that providing a safe place for children to express their feelings is a very important way of decreasing their stress level.
Nabukeera, a Primary Five pupil, also worries about becoming popular and making friends in her new school. Her mother, a business lady, says: “Children worry about meeting their parents’ expectations, both real and imagined.
In these stressful times, it is more challenging to raise children who are happy, secure and self-confident. However, parents should know that hugs, affection and play cost nothing, but go a long way in touching children’s hearts.
Signs of stress in children