Relationships-What experts say
Nov 19, 2009
HE is old enough to be her great-great-grandfather, but Ahmed Muhamed Dhore, a Somali, who claims he is 112 years old, is over the moon for realising his dream.
By Arthur Baguma
HE is old enough to be her great-great-grandfather, but Ahmed Muhamed Dhore, a Somali, who claims he is 112 years old, is over the moon for realising his dream.
He is now husband to a 17-year-old bride, almost a century younger than him. Traditionally, society believes that the secret to a happy marriage is marrying a woman younger than you, but relationship experts say the age difference between Dhore and the wife is unrealistic.
Research by UK experts says the secret to a happy marriage for men is choosing a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than you.
These pairings are more likely to go the distance, particularly if neither has been divorced in the past, according to the Bath University team.
The findings predict a happy future for pop star Beyonce Knowles, 28, and rapper husband Jay-Z, 39. The researchers studied interviews of more than 1,500 couples who were married or in a serious relationship.
Five years later, they followed up 1,000 of the couples to see which had lasted. Depending on who you talk to, the reaction to this research is as diverse as the mystery of a happy marriage itself.
“I wish it were that, everyone would be happy,†says Ruth Senyonyi, a counsellor at Bank of Uganda. Senyonyi notes that there is no formula to a happy marriage.
There are other factors, other than age, that lead to stability in marriage, like having the same values and interests.
For instance, she notes, if one of the spouses spends most of their time in bars and the other in church, and the time they spend together is very limited, this will push them apart over time. You must have common interests that keep you together.
She agrees that a man should not marry a woman older than him, although this is not the only route to a happy marriage.
Marrying a woman much older than you will be like getting a big mum to take care of a small boy.
However, Senyonyi discourages an age difference of over 10 years and above, saying it can lead to a number of problems between couples. She also notes that women grow faster than men both physically and in thinking.
Tina Musuya, a social analyst and women rights activist, says a happy marriage is a combination of factors. She says the difference in years is not a magic bullet to a happy marriage.
“I have seen many couples within that ideal age difference yet things are bad for them.â€
She says the most important issue is how you treat each other. Do partners see the value in each other? Do they respect themselves and support partners’ growth? You should not impose your will onto your partner.
If you can make decisions together in marriage, that is the magic, says Musuya.
How does the research judge marital happiness? Research and relationship experts say men and women choose partners on the basis of love, physical attraction, similarity of taste, beliefs and attitudes and shared values.
But they say using objective factors such as age, education and cultural origin may help reduce divorce rates.
HE is old enough to be her great-great-grandfather, but Ahmed Muhamed Dhore, a Somali, who claims he is 112 years old, is over the moon for realising his dream.
He is now husband to a 17-year-old bride, almost a century younger than him. Traditionally, society believes that the secret to a happy marriage is marrying a woman younger than you, but relationship experts say the age difference between Dhore and the wife is unrealistic.
Research by UK experts says the secret to a happy marriage for men is choosing a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than you.
These pairings are more likely to go the distance, particularly if neither has been divorced in the past, according to the Bath University team.
The findings predict a happy future for pop star Beyonce Knowles, 28, and rapper husband Jay-Z, 39. The researchers studied interviews of more than 1,500 couples who were married or in a serious relationship.
Five years later, they followed up 1,000 of the couples to see which had lasted. Depending on who you talk to, the reaction to this research is as diverse as the mystery of a happy marriage itself.
“I wish it were that, everyone would be happy,†says Ruth Senyonyi, a counsellor at Bank of Uganda. Senyonyi notes that there is no formula to a happy marriage.
There are other factors, other than age, that lead to stability in marriage, like having the same values and interests.
For instance, she notes, if one of the spouses spends most of their time in bars and the other in church, and the time they spend together is very limited, this will push them apart over time. You must have common interests that keep you together.
She agrees that a man should not marry a woman older than him, although this is not the only route to a happy marriage.
Marrying a woman much older than you will be like getting a big mum to take care of a small boy.
However, Senyonyi discourages an age difference of over 10 years and above, saying it can lead to a number of problems between couples. She also notes that women grow faster than men both physically and in thinking.
Tina Musuya, a social analyst and women rights activist, says a happy marriage is a combination of factors. She says the difference in years is not a magic bullet to a happy marriage.
“I have seen many couples within that ideal age difference yet things are bad for them.â€
She says the most important issue is how you treat each other. Do partners see the value in each other? Do they respect themselves and support partners’ growth? You should not impose your will onto your partner.
If you can make decisions together in marriage, that is the magic, says Musuya.
How does the research judge marital happiness? Research and relationship experts say men and women choose partners on the basis of love, physical attraction, similarity of taste, beliefs and attitudes and shared values.
But they say using objective factors such as age, education and cultural origin may help reduce divorce rates.