Medard Birungi: I forgave my father for cursing me
Dec 11, 2009
REV. Medad Birungi is the chaplain St. Kakumba Chapel, Church of Uganda: lecturer and Christian counsellor at Kyambogo University.
REV. Medad Birungi is the chaplain St. Kakumba Chapel, Church of Uganda: lecturer and Christian counsellor at Kyambogo University.
Havine moved from grass to grace, he forgave all those responsible for his childhood abyss. He shared with REHEMA AANYU his story
He sold our home and hired trucks to take us to Bushenyi. When we got to the main road, he stopped the truck and ordered us off. He said we were a curse and he could not take us.
When we were all off the truck, he pulled out a small tin filled with ash and poured the contents in front of us. He then cursed us, saying: “as this ash has blown away, I want you all to blow awayâ€. With this, he boarded the truck and drove off with his four wives and their children.
His history
I was born on September 16, 1962, to Freda Tibamwenda and Boniface Boneire in Kitanga, Kakiri of Rukiga County in Kabale district. I am the sixth in a family of nine children. My mother was a Tutsi, who fled to Uganda after the 1950 genocide in Rwanda.
My father was a trader. He married five wives and had 32 children; 26 girls and 6 boys.
His father
My father wanted boys, but God blessed him with girls instead. With my mother, he had five girls consecutively.
When I was conceived, he thought I was a girl so he tried to abort the pregnancy by kicking my mother while she was expecting. My mother bled profusely. My dad then threatened her that if she delivered another girl, she would return to Rwanda.
My mother thus gave birth to me in a banana plantation, fearing the worst.
My father then had four more girls with my mother.
By then, he had married four more wives in a bid to get boys. To his disappointment, they too gave birth to daughters. That is when the flood gates of hell burst open.
There was unhealthy competition with every wife and child fighting for his attention. My father resorted to drinking heavily.
He blamed my mother and her children for the poor state of things.
He considered us a curse and, as such, treated us harshly and did not take us to school. Since at that time the Government was paying school fees for orphans, we prayed for him to die so we could qualify for that sponsorship.
My sisters and I hated him.
We never slept in the house when he was around. He used to kick us all the time so we slept in the bush. I have scars all over my body of wounds inflicted on my by my father.
When he arrived home while we were asleep, he would wake us up to sing and dance for him and it did not matter whether it was 1:00am or 4:00am.
One time, I dreamt he was dead, but when I woke up, I realised it was a dream. I wept bitterly.
One day, he tried to choke our mother to death after blaming her for making his life miserable.
My sisters and I pounced on him and beat him up too. But before he left, he told us that he was going to give us a punishment that we would never forget. We did not see him for a year.
When he resurfaced, he was friendly and stayed for six months. He told my mother that he had bought land in Bushenyi, which was big enough for all of us and we would have our own farms.
He sold our home and hired trucks to take us to Bushenyi. However, when we got to the main road, he stopped the truck and ordered us off.
He said we were a curse and he could not take us with him. When we were all off the truck, he pulled out a small tin filled with ash and poured the contents in front of us. He then cursed us saying: “as this ash has blown away, I want you all to blow away.â€
With this, he boarded the truck and drove off with his four wives and their children.
He had abandoned and disowned us.
1967 was the worst year of my life. From then onwards the spirit of rejection followed me everywhere I went.
One of the men whom my father had sold our land to felt sorry for us and told us to go back to our house and figure out what to do.
My mother could not afford to feed us. So my sisters and I looked for food from dustbins. We shared the dustbins with pigs, ducks and goats.
If we wanted to eat good food we either had to gate-crash a wedding or a funeral. I had lice in my hair and jiggers on my hands and feet. I used to sleep in a sack.
There were no street kids in Kabale then, so we were known around the whole village as a curse. They blamed us for every evil that happened in the village.
Six of my sisters were raped and impregnated before they got married.
MEDARD’S education
After 10 years of misery, my elder sister, Penina, got married to a rich man in Kabale and she adopted me as her son.
I then enrolled for primary education. In 1978, after my Primary Seven, relatives and some people in the village hired soldiers, who killed her as she breastfed her eight-month-old baby at her home in Kabale.
When I found her, her eight-month-old baby was still suckling at the dead body.
At her funeral these people ridiculed me, saying now that your sister is dead, let us see how you will continue with your education.
I had been admitted at Makobore High School, in Rukungiri district for my ordinary level.
I missed school for a year. I tried to commit suicide eight times, including attempting to fall down the infamous Kisizi water falls (where girls who got pregnant before marriage met their death). An old woman I met on the way stopped to talk to me.
She said if I threw myself down the waterfall, my mother would die too. “You are now your mother’s husband.
Your sister has been killed but Jesus is not dead. He is going to take care of you as he did when your father left you,â€
I began drinking excessively at 17. I was sexually molested by my own sister and it took me 37 years to forgive her.
I isolated myself from social gatherings and became violent.
In 1980, I made it to secondary school. I walked with my mother 65 miles to Makobore High School. I did not have any trousers, shoes nor mattress.
But my mother told my story to the headmaster who became a father to me. He appointed me as a porter at school. He paid me for washing dishes, slashing and cleaning the school compound. This is how I got through secondary school.
With all this going on, I felt empty deep inside. This led me into sexual immorality. I was engaged to 26 girls. I was involved in witchcraft. I wore charms and fetishes to protect myself from my enemies. I had no self-worth.
The road to forgiveness
In 1983, I surrendered my life to Jesus. A Christian choir, the Anglican Youth Fellowship from St Francis Makerere University came to perform at my school. I was in S.3.
One of the singers, Muwanga, said God loves us unconditionally and can forgive us of our sins.
She said God was the security we all needed. She added, people, can let you down but God won’t. I had placed all my hope in my sister but she was killed. My father did not want anything to do with me.
I had turned into a thief. I had stolen 25 plates, 27 cups, spoons, forks and books from school. I kept weeping because all she said made sense to me.
Another preacher said God can only forgive you if you forgive those who wronged you. I had written down 19 people whom I wanted to kill to avenge my sister’s death.
My friends and I had registered to be recruited in the army. We wanted to kill those who had wronged us.
I knelt down, confessed my sins and forgave all the people who had wronged me.
I reached home; I told my mother about God’s unconditional love and together with my sisters, we began on a journey of forgiveness. My mother burnt all the fetishes in the house. I started preaching the gospel at school.
Two years later, our father placed a radio announcement calling on us to take him to hospital.
His wives had abandoned him and sold off all his property. My mother and I went to Bushenyi and took him to hospital. When he recovered, he turned his life to Jesus.
He turned his life around and asked us to forgive him.
Two years later, he brought his three wives and we reconciled with them too.
I am married with five children. My mother died a happy woman, in 2002 because she had seen me prosper. My father died years earlier.
I am happy that the curse he put on us came to pass. I got the spirit of flight. Just like the ash that was blown in the wind, I too have travelled by air. I take care of grandchildren of those who murdered my sister.
Forgiveness is very important because it heals the past and restores the present and future.
Havine moved from grass to grace, he forgave all those responsible for his childhood abyss. He shared with REHEMA AANYU his story
He sold our home and hired trucks to take us to Bushenyi. When we got to the main road, he stopped the truck and ordered us off. He said we were a curse and he could not take us.
When we were all off the truck, he pulled out a small tin filled with ash and poured the contents in front of us. He then cursed us, saying: “as this ash has blown away, I want you all to blow awayâ€. With this, he boarded the truck and drove off with his four wives and their children.
His history
I was born on September 16, 1962, to Freda Tibamwenda and Boniface Boneire in Kitanga, Kakiri of Rukiga County in Kabale district. I am the sixth in a family of nine children. My mother was a Tutsi, who fled to Uganda after the 1950 genocide in Rwanda.
My father was a trader. He married five wives and had 32 children; 26 girls and 6 boys.
His father
My father wanted boys, but God blessed him with girls instead. With my mother, he had five girls consecutively.
When I was conceived, he thought I was a girl so he tried to abort the pregnancy by kicking my mother while she was expecting. My mother bled profusely. My dad then threatened her that if she delivered another girl, she would return to Rwanda.
My mother thus gave birth to me in a banana plantation, fearing the worst.
My father then had four more girls with my mother.
By then, he had married four more wives in a bid to get boys. To his disappointment, they too gave birth to daughters. That is when the flood gates of hell burst open.
There was unhealthy competition with every wife and child fighting for his attention. My father resorted to drinking heavily.
He blamed my mother and her children for the poor state of things.
He considered us a curse and, as such, treated us harshly and did not take us to school. Since at that time the Government was paying school fees for orphans, we prayed for him to die so we could qualify for that sponsorship.
My sisters and I hated him.
We never slept in the house when he was around. He used to kick us all the time so we slept in the bush. I have scars all over my body of wounds inflicted on my by my father.
When he arrived home while we were asleep, he would wake us up to sing and dance for him and it did not matter whether it was 1:00am or 4:00am.
One time, I dreamt he was dead, but when I woke up, I realised it was a dream. I wept bitterly.
One day, he tried to choke our mother to death after blaming her for making his life miserable.
My sisters and I pounced on him and beat him up too. But before he left, he told us that he was going to give us a punishment that we would never forget. We did not see him for a year.
When he resurfaced, he was friendly and stayed for six months. He told my mother that he had bought land in Bushenyi, which was big enough for all of us and we would have our own farms.
He sold our home and hired trucks to take us to Bushenyi. However, when we got to the main road, he stopped the truck and ordered us off.
He said we were a curse and he could not take us with him. When we were all off the truck, he pulled out a small tin filled with ash and poured the contents in front of us. He then cursed us saying: “as this ash has blown away, I want you all to blow away.â€
With this, he boarded the truck and drove off with his four wives and their children.
He had abandoned and disowned us.
1967 was the worst year of my life. From then onwards the spirit of rejection followed me everywhere I went.
One of the men whom my father had sold our land to felt sorry for us and told us to go back to our house and figure out what to do.
My mother could not afford to feed us. So my sisters and I looked for food from dustbins. We shared the dustbins with pigs, ducks and goats.
If we wanted to eat good food we either had to gate-crash a wedding or a funeral. I had lice in my hair and jiggers on my hands and feet. I used to sleep in a sack.
There were no street kids in Kabale then, so we were known around the whole village as a curse. They blamed us for every evil that happened in the village.
Six of my sisters were raped and impregnated before they got married.
MEDARD’S education
After 10 years of misery, my elder sister, Penina, got married to a rich man in Kabale and she adopted me as her son.
I then enrolled for primary education. In 1978, after my Primary Seven, relatives and some people in the village hired soldiers, who killed her as she breastfed her eight-month-old baby at her home in Kabale.
When I found her, her eight-month-old baby was still suckling at the dead body.
At her funeral these people ridiculed me, saying now that your sister is dead, let us see how you will continue with your education.
I had been admitted at Makobore High School, in Rukungiri district for my ordinary level.
I missed school for a year. I tried to commit suicide eight times, including attempting to fall down the infamous Kisizi water falls (where girls who got pregnant before marriage met their death). An old woman I met on the way stopped to talk to me.
She said if I threw myself down the waterfall, my mother would die too. “You are now your mother’s husband.
Your sister has been killed but Jesus is not dead. He is going to take care of you as he did when your father left you,â€
I began drinking excessively at 17. I was sexually molested by my own sister and it took me 37 years to forgive her.
I isolated myself from social gatherings and became violent.
In 1980, I made it to secondary school. I walked with my mother 65 miles to Makobore High School. I did not have any trousers, shoes nor mattress.
But my mother told my story to the headmaster who became a father to me. He appointed me as a porter at school. He paid me for washing dishes, slashing and cleaning the school compound. This is how I got through secondary school.
With all this going on, I felt empty deep inside. This led me into sexual immorality. I was engaged to 26 girls. I was involved in witchcraft. I wore charms and fetishes to protect myself from my enemies. I had no self-worth.
The road to forgiveness
In 1983, I surrendered my life to Jesus. A Christian choir, the Anglican Youth Fellowship from St Francis Makerere University came to perform at my school. I was in S.3.
One of the singers, Muwanga, said God loves us unconditionally and can forgive us of our sins.
She said God was the security we all needed. She added, people, can let you down but God won’t. I had placed all my hope in my sister but she was killed. My father did not want anything to do with me.
I had turned into a thief. I had stolen 25 plates, 27 cups, spoons, forks and books from school. I kept weeping because all she said made sense to me.
Another preacher said God can only forgive you if you forgive those who wronged you. I had written down 19 people whom I wanted to kill to avenge my sister’s death.
My friends and I had registered to be recruited in the army. We wanted to kill those who had wronged us.
I knelt down, confessed my sins and forgave all the people who had wronged me.
I reached home; I told my mother about God’s unconditional love and together with my sisters, we began on a journey of forgiveness. My mother burnt all the fetishes in the house. I started preaching the gospel at school.
Two years later, our father placed a radio announcement calling on us to take him to hospital.
His wives had abandoned him and sold off all his property. My mother and I went to Bushenyi and took him to hospital. When he recovered, he turned his life to Jesus.
He turned his life around and asked us to forgive him.
Two years later, he brought his three wives and we reconciled with them too.
I am married with five children. My mother died a happy woman, in 2002 because she had seen me prosper. My father died years earlier.
I am happy that the curse he put on us came to pass. I got the spirit of flight. Just like the ash that was blown in the wind, I too have travelled by air. I take care of grandchildren of those who murdered my sister.
Forgiveness is very important because it heals the past and restores the present and future.