Where is her Xmas gift?
Dec 16, 2009
JUST in case you want to know, this Dr Love might just be a patriotic guy. Can you imagine leaving Japan, with all her nice wealthy people, who compete with us in guest hospitality — only that they have money to do it better — and returning to this mu
HILARY BAINEMIGISHA
JUST in case you want to know, this Dr Love might just be a patriotic guy. Can you imagine leaving Japan, with all her nice wealthy people, who compete with us in guest hospitality — only that they have money to do it better — and returning to this muddy city where women associate your relevance closely with the Christmas gifts they expect from you?
Just like Jesus the Christ who had a choice of being born at Sam Kuteesa’s residence, but went for a farmer’s stable in rural Bethlehem, I am patriotically back to take part in the regional tier debate.
Japanese are a very punctual lot, not like Ugandans who show up days later at Straka’s wedding, effectively dispatching her to hospital. (I think I love Straka; she makes me feel more in proportion). And now she is just learning that while some marriages end in divorce and others with iron bars, there are those which end in still birth in front of cameras. But we should not be talking of wedding blunders at the dawn of Christmas festivities. We should talk of punctuality and the Christmas gifts.
Have you bought one for your sweetheart? If you are still figuring out what you should buy, I think I can identify you. You are a man, working in the corporate world, a bit too busy to shop around for a Christmas gift, but somehow, believing there is still ample time.
Your shopping list is zeroing on a flat iron, the shoes you saw the supervisor’s wife putting on and a phone charger (because she always disorganises you by borrowing yours).
What you don’t know is that since the last Christmas when you bought her a mosquito net, she has never forgiven you. You didn’t tell from her sulking because you thought she had heard about your affair with her OG from her ladies’ night out group. Now you are about to blunder again with a flat iron. For all things we are terrible at, Christmas gifts ranks high up there. Of course men know that some gifts violate an important rule but they just can’t figure out what this rule is. I can hear wives cheering me on. How can we hammer gift ethics into these men?
Look at the three wise men. The three are the official wise men according to the Bible. What did they bring to Jesus on Christmas Day? Gold, incense and myrrh, not wrapped, not accompanied by cards and clearly marked ‘Jesus’. If I had been Joseph, the wise men would still be in prison. I would ask myself how these ‘friends’ I have never seen got to know my baby’s name? They could easily have been sent by the real father of the son I am thinking is mine! Or one of them could be the father! Iron bar!
And think again: For a baby surely, of what use is gold, incense and that word without vowels? The rugged carpenter was more likely to be arrested with gold at a forex bureau by the Rapid Response Unit. “Did you steal it from Akankwasa?†they would ask. “Are you related to his wife?†Incense is a gift from people who sacrifice babies. If anyone brings it to a maternity ward, put your baby in a burglar proof container.
OK, seriously: Learn from the women oh ye men. First, women think through their presents: As you read this, they have already wrapped your present and it is hidden somewhere as the clock counts down. Secondly, they know which gifts can raise dust. They know they will sniff around if your office female colleague sent you the right size of shirt, shoes or tie in your favourite colours. So they don’t do that to their rivals’ husbands. They go for neutral gifts.
But many men don’t know which type of gift is acceptable for a relative, in-law and a co-worker, all these people’s partners, children and enemies, etc. They would know if they cared to plan early but they don’t. They just wait for the last minute.
JUST in case you want to know, this Dr Love might just be a patriotic guy. Can you imagine leaving Japan, with all her nice wealthy people, who compete with us in guest hospitality — only that they have money to do it better — and returning to this muddy city where women associate your relevance closely with the Christmas gifts they expect from you?
Just like Jesus the Christ who had a choice of being born at Sam Kuteesa’s residence, but went for a farmer’s stable in rural Bethlehem, I am patriotically back to take part in the regional tier debate.
Japanese are a very punctual lot, not like Ugandans who show up days later at Straka’s wedding, effectively dispatching her to hospital. (I think I love Straka; she makes me feel more in proportion). And now she is just learning that while some marriages end in divorce and others with iron bars, there are those which end in still birth in front of cameras. But we should not be talking of wedding blunders at the dawn of Christmas festivities. We should talk of punctuality and the Christmas gifts.
Have you bought one for your sweetheart? If you are still figuring out what you should buy, I think I can identify you. You are a man, working in the corporate world, a bit too busy to shop around for a Christmas gift, but somehow, believing there is still ample time.
Your shopping list is zeroing on a flat iron, the shoes you saw the supervisor’s wife putting on and a phone charger (because she always disorganises you by borrowing yours).
What you don’t know is that since the last Christmas when you bought her a mosquito net, she has never forgiven you. You didn’t tell from her sulking because you thought she had heard about your affair with her OG from her ladies’ night out group. Now you are about to blunder again with a flat iron. For all things we are terrible at, Christmas gifts ranks high up there. Of course men know that some gifts violate an important rule but they just can’t figure out what this rule is. I can hear wives cheering me on. How can we hammer gift ethics into these men?
Look at the three wise men. The three are the official wise men according to the Bible. What did they bring to Jesus on Christmas Day? Gold, incense and myrrh, not wrapped, not accompanied by cards and clearly marked ‘Jesus’. If I had been Joseph, the wise men would still be in prison. I would ask myself how these ‘friends’ I have never seen got to know my baby’s name? They could easily have been sent by the real father of the son I am thinking is mine! Or one of them could be the father! Iron bar!
And think again: For a baby surely, of what use is gold, incense and that word without vowels? The rugged carpenter was more likely to be arrested with gold at a forex bureau by the Rapid Response Unit. “Did you steal it from Akankwasa?†they would ask. “Are you related to his wife?†Incense is a gift from people who sacrifice babies. If anyone brings it to a maternity ward, put your baby in a burglar proof container.
OK, seriously: Learn from the women oh ye men. First, women think through their presents: As you read this, they have already wrapped your present and it is hidden somewhere as the clock counts down. Secondly, they know which gifts can raise dust. They know they will sniff around if your office female colleague sent you the right size of shirt, shoes or tie in your favourite colours. So they don’t do that to their rivals’ husbands. They go for neutral gifts.
But many men don’t know which type of gift is acceptable for a relative, in-law and a co-worker, all these people’s partners, children and enemies, etc. They would know if they cared to plan early but they don’t. They just wait for the last minute.