One-nil is risky when relating
IT was one-nil — I mean the Cranes-Niger match last Saturday. We ‘rejoiced’ but pretty much like a woman who makes love with the man of her life only once — and thereafter, the man disappears.
IT was one-nil — I mean the Cranes-Niger match last Saturday. We ‘rejoiced’ but pretty much like a woman who makes love with the man of her life only once — and thereafter, the man disappears.
That once is painful because you feel used. You do not know why the second did not come. You fear that you could have become just a statistic on the man’s philandering list of achievements. Or did he not enjoy it? Did you do anything wrong? Is he now telling friends that you play like Cranes: Just barking at a goal?
It is a very bad feeling. It shoots directly at the woman’s self-esteem — which is worse than what Kayihura feels when the Constitutional Court removes his key to public rally doors. Even for men; there is always an assumption that a woman who agrees to make love has accepted you in her intimate world forever. That once the first has entered, Niger’s net becomes yours without need to ask again or to do a lot of innovative dribbling.
So, when the second one cannot come, and you have to try hard again, and all you get are cornerkicks that yield nothing, some stubborn voice inside will start asking questions: Did she not enjoy the last time? Were you such a boring phenomenon that the second is now deemed unacceptable?
That is why the very first time is followed by a nagging fear that the partner may disappear, which will imply a vote of no confidence. That is why it is more peaceful to do it within the confines of marriage for there, you are almost sure, the second goal will come.
So, as we swallowed the treasured three points last Saturday, most of us found ourselves unable to smile.
Have you ever been hit by a table and, because you want to show that the pain is nothing, you order your face to smile but all you can muster is a crocodile act with rebellious facial muscles? Smiling lips but sad face? That was my face as I melted away from Namboole. Such pain had to be drowned by something.
I downed beer with ferocious anger that should have been let loose on the likes of Csaba, Obua and Ssepuuya. These pretty much behaved like our anti-corruption agencies (shoot down one minister and go to sleep) or the constitutional court (roar orders for freedom of rallying and look the other way when any attempts are teargassed).
At my fourth bottle that evening, I realised that the problem was not the Cranes’ failure to harass Niger’s net.
The real problem was us, the supporters: We expected too much and hurt ourselves with the fall. Can you imagine falling from wondering whether to beat Niger four or six to just managing one when they showed up? We tortured ourselves with great expectations we failed to match.
It happens often in relationships. You see a tall muscular guy made of albs, long jaw, metallic biceps and general athletic body and expect a World Cup of sorts.
Then he enters the field and he starts panting his way to the final line, gesturing for self-requested substitution! The anger and disappointment would be far greater than if the sin was committed by some fat, pot-bellied, pre-diabetic pork eater.
Men usually make a mistake of confusing an exquisitely beautiful, figure-full and charming woman with excellence at the Chinese Olympics. When the sum does not add up, they get disappointed.
Maybe we need some immunisation here. If you possibly can, expect the worst so that you can welcome the best. Raising your hopes tailors the degree of a likely fall. Keep the hopes within range and you will appreciate whatever it is life will serve on your plate.
Give your all and expect everyone to do the same. Love without expecting reciprocation. If you are not loved back as expected, it will not affect your fulfilment because your joy was in loving. The fulfilment was in your hands.
With these lovely words, enjoy Saturday’s match with Benin.
hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug
That once is painful because you feel used. You do not know why the second did not come. You fear that you could have become just a statistic on the man’s philandering list of achievements. Or did he not enjoy it? Did you do anything wrong? Is he now telling friends that you play like Cranes: Just barking at a goal?
It is a very bad feeling. It shoots directly at the woman’s self-esteem — which is worse than what Kayihura feels when the Constitutional Court removes his key to public rally doors. Even for men; there is always an assumption that a woman who agrees to make love has accepted you in her intimate world forever. That once the first has entered, Niger’s net becomes yours without need to ask again or to do a lot of innovative dribbling.
So, when the second one cannot come, and you have to try hard again, and all you get are cornerkicks that yield nothing, some stubborn voice inside will start asking questions: Did she not enjoy the last time? Were you such a boring phenomenon that the second is now deemed unacceptable?
That is why the very first time is followed by a nagging fear that the partner may disappear, which will imply a vote of no confidence. That is why it is more peaceful to do it within the confines of marriage for there, you are almost sure, the second goal will come.
So, as we swallowed the treasured three points last Saturday, most of us found ourselves unable to smile.
Have you ever been hit by a table and, because you want to show that the pain is nothing, you order your face to smile but all you can muster is a crocodile act with rebellious facial muscles? Smiling lips but sad face? That was my face as I melted away from Namboole. Such pain had to be drowned by something.
I downed beer with ferocious anger that should have been let loose on the likes of Csaba, Obua and Ssepuuya. These pretty much behaved like our anti-corruption agencies (shoot down one minister and go to sleep) or the constitutional court (roar orders for freedom of rallying and look the other way when any attempts are teargassed).
At my fourth bottle that evening, I realised that the problem was not the Cranes’ failure to harass Niger’s net.
The real problem was us, the supporters: We expected too much and hurt ourselves with the fall. Can you imagine falling from wondering whether to beat Niger four or six to just managing one when they showed up? We tortured ourselves with great expectations we failed to match.
It happens often in relationships. You see a tall muscular guy made of albs, long jaw, metallic biceps and general athletic body and expect a World Cup of sorts.
Then he enters the field and he starts panting his way to the final line, gesturing for self-requested substitution! The anger and disappointment would be far greater than if the sin was committed by some fat, pot-bellied, pre-diabetic pork eater.
Men usually make a mistake of confusing an exquisitely beautiful, figure-full and charming woman with excellence at the Chinese Olympics. When the sum does not add up, they get disappointed.
Maybe we need some immunisation here. If you possibly can, expect the worst so that you can welcome the best. Raising your hopes tailors the degree of a likely fall. Keep the hopes within range and you will appreciate whatever it is life will serve on your plate.
Give your all and expect everyone to do the same. Love without expecting reciprocation. If you are not loved back as expected, it will not affect your fulfilment because your joy was in loving. The fulfilment was in your hands.
With these lovely words, enjoy Saturday’s match with Benin.
hbainemigisha@newvision.co.ug