How to be friends with your teenage daughter

Jul 11, 2008

Ask a typical teenager who her best friend is. The unlikely answer would be her mother. But Rachael Kiwanuka’s face lights up when I ask about her relationship with her mother, Halima Namakula.

By Susan Muyiyi

Ask a typical teenager who her best friend is. The unlikely answer would be her mother. But Rachael Kiwanuka’s face lights up when I ask about her relationship with her mother, Halima Namakula.

“We are best friends,” she says, adding that they often share a bed and that they go shopping and to the movies together.

“I tell my mother about my dates; I also leave home with her permission, though I know that I can’t overstep the boundaries we set,” Kiwanuka says.

For Fiona Wall, looking for a house next to the home of her mothers, Gertrude Besigye, was a sure way of staying close when she got married.

“My mother is my best friend. I talk to her about almost anything. There are times she would have to stop me when I was telling her details of things she didn’t want to know,” Wall says.

Wall’s mother took time getting over the fact that her only daughter had finally left the house.

“Although she lives nearby, I know she can’t always be available, because she has a husband to take care of. I miss my daughter,” Besigye says.

Wouldn’t you love it if the bond you share with your daughter is unbreakable- few cat fights and misunderstandings?

These tips will help:
l Namakula says that such a close relationship won’t happen without input on your side. She, for instance, has many one-on-one discussions with her daughter.
- Start working on creating an emotional bond as soon as your daughter is placed in your arms in the labour ward, Namakula advises.

- Avoid doing things that offend the other party. Why check your daughter’s private stuff?
- Communicate your differences maturely. Wall says that although her relationship with her mother is good, they also have their differences which they have learnt to resolve peacefully.

- You don’t get to know your daughter only when giving instructions. Do you know what she likes and dislikes?
- Spend quality time together. You could take your annual leave when your daughter is on holiday.

- Lois Ochieng, a counselling psychologist with Healing Talk Center in Kampala, says that you shouldn’t be ashamed of reading good books that will help you become a better parent.

- Ochieng says that you should show interest, rather than control over the relationship.
- Give your daughter room to make her mistakes and hopefully learn from them.

- Listen to what she has to say. “It is wrong to think that mothers are always right when it comes to resolving conflicts in the relationship,” Ochieng says.

- Be discreet and earn their trust. Some mothers, according to Ochieng, discuss private issues their daughters have confided in them with their friends.

- Lead by example. Your daughter will want to emulate what she sees you doing. Have you considered that she might resist corrections because you show double standards when it comes to the issue at hand?

Pray for your daughter.
You can’t afford to have your own daughter as an enemy, because a lot is at stake. Who will fill in the information gaps when she cuts you out especially when she is too young to make mature decisions on her own?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});