Should I marry him?
Jan 05, 2007
Dear Aunt, I am aged 29 and in love with a Nigerian guy aged 35. We have not met but have exchanged photos via email. He says he does not have a girlfriend (I am not sure about this) and says he wants to marry me.
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Dear Aunt, I am aged 29 and in love with a Nigerian guy aged 35. We have not met but have exchanged photos via email. He says he does not have a girlfriend (I am not sure about this) and says he wants to marry me. This guy wants me to tell my parents about him but I would not like to rush anything. My parents fear Nigerians because of how the movies depict them. I do not have an aunt to tell this to. It is only my uncle who has seen this guy’s photo. I love this guy but am scared of what will happen if I tell my parents. Please help me.
Prossy
Dear Prossy,
Falling in love is a sweet experience but you need to fall more cautiously. True love does not just fall from space; it is generated from an intimate relationship. You cannot develop intimacy with a man you have never met. There is more to that man than the photos and emails can reveal. What if he has been using someone else’s photos?
A relationship with the opposite sex is not a game, but a serious responsibility. Feeling attracted towards a man’s photos or his email messages is not ‘love’ but a mere fantasy. Your strong feelings for this man might be an indication of a deeper emotional gap in your life. Are you being pressured to marry soon before time runs out?
Marriage is a serious life commitment that you cannot face with strangers. How well do you understand his family background? Is his character acceptable to you? Even in the face of desperation, you still have to relate with the man; not his photo.
You are right to feel scared because the risks involved in this kind of relationship are immense. Please think twice.
I am tempted to cheat on her
Dear Aunt, I have been in love with a lady for two years. We had a good relationship but lost touch for two years. Her parents put pressure on her to concentrate on her studies.
Since I was based in Nairobi, we would only talk on phone occasionally. I now work in Nairobi and my girlfriend studies at Makerere University. We have never disagreed in any way and I love her very much.
However, I am often tempted to engage in another relationship, yet doing so would amount to betrayal. I would not like to cheat on her. What do I do?
JPK.
Dear JPK,
Long-distance relationships are quite challenging, especially if you do not lay a proper foundation. Apart from occasional phone calls, how often do you meet her? Phone calls would only work if coupled with occasional meetings and intimate interaction. Do you spend some weekends together?
The direction your relationship is taking might subject both of you to extreme levels of temptation. Just like you are already being tempted, she too might be tempted to find somebody to fill the vacuum in her life.
A successful love relationship takes a lot of sacrifice, and resources. The best gift you can give your lover is yourself and your time.
If you have made up your mind to remain with this lady, then you need to change your relationship strategy and create more time for each other.
Dear Aunt, I am aged 29 and in love with a Nigerian guy aged 35. We have not met but have exchanged photos via email. He says he does not have a girlfriend (I am not sure about this) and says he wants to marry me. This guy wants me to tell my parents about him but I would not like to rush anything. My parents fear Nigerians because of how the movies depict them. I do not have an aunt to tell this to. It is only my uncle who has seen this guy’s photo. I love this guy but am scared of what will happen if I tell my parents. Please help me.
Prossy
Dear Prossy,
Falling in love is a sweet experience but you need to fall more cautiously. True love does not just fall from space; it is generated from an intimate relationship. You cannot develop intimacy with a man you have never met. There is more to that man than the photos and emails can reveal. What if he has been using someone else’s photos?
A relationship with the opposite sex is not a game, but a serious responsibility. Feeling attracted towards a man’s photos or his email messages is not ‘love’ but a mere fantasy. Your strong feelings for this man might be an indication of a deeper emotional gap in your life. Are you being pressured to marry soon before time runs out?
Marriage is a serious life commitment that you cannot face with strangers. How well do you understand his family background? Is his character acceptable to you? Even in the face of desperation, you still have to relate with the man; not his photo.
You are right to feel scared because the risks involved in this kind of relationship are immense. Please think twice.
I am tempted to cheat on her
Dear Aunt, I have been in love with a lady for two years. We had a good relationship but lost touch for two years. Her parents put pressure on her to concentrate on her studies.
Since I was based in Nairobi, we would only talk on phone occasionally. I now work in Nairobi and my girlfriend studies at Makerere University. We have never disagreed in any way and I love her very much.
However, I am often tempted to engage in another relationship, yet doing so would amount to betrayal. I would not like to cheat on her. What do I do?
JPK.
Dear JPK,
Long-distance relationships are quite challenging, especially if you do not lay a proper foundation. Apart from occasional phone calls, how often do you meet her? Phone calls would only work if coupled with occasional meetings and intimate interaction. Do you spend some weekends together?
The direction your relationship is taking might subject both of you to extreme levels of temptation. Just like you are already being tempted, she too might be tempted to find somebody to fill the vacuum in her life.
A successful love relationship takes a lot of sacrifice, and resources. The best gift you can give your lover is yourself and your time.
If you have made up your mind to remain with this lady, then you need to change your relationship strategy and create more time for each other.