Ask' Us

Apr 06, 2007

<b>She thinks I am cheating on her</b><br><br><b>Dear aunt,<br>I am 26 and my girlfriend who has just started working upcountry suspects me of cheating on her. This is because whenever we are both in Kampala, we don’t sleep together. Her desire has always been that we spend nights in a lodge. I

She thinks I am cheating on her

Dear aunt,
I am 26 and my girlfriend who has just started working upcountry suspects me of cheating on her. This is because whenever we are both in Kampala, we don’t sleep together. Her desire has always been that we spend nights in a lodge. I have always resisted the idea because I don’t want any sex before marriage. I hate the idea of spending a night in a lodge. Should I call it quits?
A.L


A, I must commend you for resisting the temptation to have sex before marriage. Although spending nights in a lodge seems to be at the centre of your disagreement, there is more to it. It seems to me that your relationship suffers a communication breakdown. Have you ever explained to your girlfriend that your problem is not just about spending a night in a lodge, but having sex? The issue of sex is critical to any relationship and you should accord it the right attention. Could it be your lack of transparency that probably makes her suspect you of cheating?
Your girlfriend seems quite comfortable with sex yet you are not. This conflict in values might be a hitch in your relationship. Consider discussing the future of your relationship and the principal values you wish to uphold.

I am not yet over him

Dear aunt,
I got a boyfriend when I was in senior one, we loved each other deeply. Time came when I had to leave the school we used to attend together. By the time I returned, he was in a relationship with another girl. I was deeply hurt and called it quits. I got another guy with whom I had a baby girl. I don’t know what my first boyfriend gave me because I have failed to erase him from my mind even now that I live in London. Whenever I call him, he doesn’t seem interested in me. I feel like killing myself. What do I do?
L.D


Dear L.D,
Your situation must be both frustrating and confusing. You seem caught up between two lovers. Your case makes it clear that by the time you met your second boyfriend you were not yet ready for another relationship. It is possible that you went into a relationship with the second guy out of desperation and with a need to seek refuge following a heartbreak. The pain you are undergoing is a normal grief that follows the loss of an intimate relationship. There are high chances that you invested all your emotions in the first relationship and its end has left you with deep wounds. It is frustrating to have strong feelings for a man who does not have feelings for you yet you have to move on. You need to have a face-to-face talk with a professional counsellor as soon as possible.

Send your questions to
Vision Intimate
P.O. BOX 9815, Kampala OR intimate@newvision.co.ug

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});