Answering your questions
Jan 20, 2006
<b>Why does he avoid me?</b><br>Dear Auntie.<br>We did not quarrel with my ex. It was distance that separated us. Later, I heard that he had married and had children.<br>One time, I got his e-mail address and wrote to him after almost 18 years. He wrote back telling me how happy he was to hear fr
Why does he avoid me?
Dear Auntie.
We did not quarrel with my ex. It was distance that separated us. Later, I heard that he had married and had children.
One time, I got his e-mail address and wrote to him after almost 18 years. He wrote back telling me how happy he was to hear from me.
We started communicating. Then suddenly, he stopped writing. When I called him, he said he was sorry and did not wish to be in touch with a former girlfriend because he was married. I am puzzled.
Did he think I wanted to seduce him? Or is he unsure of his feeling? Does he still love me and doesn’t know how to resist me? Or is it all because of his wife? He is in Jinja, 80km away. I must say I have never had any intentions of grabbing him from his wife. I am confused.
Alice N
Dear Alice,
Don’t be confused. Everything is clear. He doesn’t wish to be in touch with a former girlfriend because he is married. He told you himself. Stop puzzling yourself with fantasy. Snap out of it.
This man’s marriage and life is working out well. Your hopes of marriage did not. Something in you compelled you to contact him with hopes that he would be available and he is not. GET OVER IT. It doesn’t matter what answer I give to your questions. Just know that he is happily MARRIED and you were not meant for each other!
Your heart doesn’t need a pen-pal. You want a second chance with him and unfortunately, at this time, it’s not possible. So, please do not contact him again. You will retain your respect if you ignore him and focus on other available men. It may be painful but who said respect and dignity come free of charge. I wish you success.
His ex-girlfriend is a pain
Dear Auntie,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year.
When we began dating, an old girlfriend from his tribe began calling him. He stopped communication when I complained.
But about a month ago, I discovered they were communicating again. But this time, she had changed her phone number.
Whenever I am around and she calls, my boyfriend leaves the room to answer the call. I don’t want him to feel like I am stopping him from keeping in touch with his old friends, or that I want to stifle his freedom.
But it is hurting me. Yet he is the jealous type. If any boy called me, he would freak out. Most of our fights have stemmed from his jealousy and yet I have never cheated on him. But I feel really hurt, and I am tired of pretending I am cool, and secure with his relationship with this girl.
Mad Girl
Dear Mad Girl,
Your relationship is NOT a healthy one and the earlier you face it the better. Either your boyfriend has bad manners or he wants to make you jealous.
But even with you, being cold and aloof, and not letting him know why because you don’t want to look jealous is not healthy.
He is giving you the message that he does not care how you feel. And that is not a loving behaviour. Don’t even get annoyed with his former girlfriend. It is your boyfriend who is encouraging her. Take him on about it because she is a woman he once loved! And if their current relationship is innocent, why does he go out of the room or refuse to include you in the conversation?
Either way, he is not innocent. If he only wants you to act jealous to puff up his weak ego, he is a wrong guy.
After all you have even fought — at the dating stage! If he is that jealous or wants to make you jealous, he is an insecure, inadequate, immature and frightened man who fears that anyone else coming along could take you away.
This means you are headed for a stormy relationship. Make up your mind now. Do you want such a guy? Take him on and if he goes, it will be good riddance.
Dear Auntie.
We did not quarrel with my ex. It was distance that separated us. Later, I heard that he had married and had children.
One time, I got his e-mail address and wrote to him after almost 18 years. He wrote back telling me how happy he was to hear from me.
We started communicating. Then suddenly, he stopped writing. When I called him, he said he was sorry and did not wish to be in touch with a former girlfriend because he was married. I am puzzled.
Did he think I wanted to seduce him? Or is he unsure of his feeling? Does he still love me and doesn’t know how to resist me? Or is it all because of his wife? He is in Jinja, 80km away. I must say I have never had any intentions of grabbing him from his wife. I am confused.
Alice N
Dear Alice,
Don’t be confused. Everything is clear. He doesn’t wish to be in touch with a former girlfriend because he is married. He told you himself. Stop puzzling yourself with fantasy. Snap out of it.
This man’s marriage and life is working out well. Your hopes of marriage did not. Something in you compelled you to contact him with hopes that he would be available and he is not. GET OVER IT. It doesn’t matter what answer I give to your questions. Just know that he is happily MARRIED and you were not meant for each other!
Your heart doesn’t need a pen-pal. You want a second chance with him and unfortunately, at this time, it’s not possible. So, please do not contact him again. You will retain your respect if you ignore him and focus on other available men. It may be painful but who said respect and dignity come free of charge. I wish you success.
His ex-girlfriend is a pain
Dear Auntie,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year.
When we began dating, an old girlfriend from his tribe began calling him. He stopped communication when I complained.
But about a month ago, I discovered they were communicating again. But this time, she had changed her phone number.
Whenever I am around and she calls, my boyfriend leaves the room to answer the call. I don’t want him to feel like I am stopping him from keeping in touch with his old friends, or that I want to stifle his freedom.
But it is hurting me. Yet he is the jealous type. If any boy called me, he would freak out. Most of our fights have stemmed from his jealousy and yet I have never cheated on him. But I feel really hurt, and I am tired of pretending I am cool, and secure with his relationship with this girl.
Mad Girl
Dear Mad Girl,
Your relationship is NOT a healthy one and the earlier you face it the better. Either your boyfriend has bad manners or he wants to make you jealous.
But even with you, being cold and aloof, and not letting him know why because you don’t want to look jealous is not healthy.
He is giving you the message that he does not care how you feel. And that is not a loving behaviour. Don’t even get annoyed with his former girlfriend. It is your boyfriend who is encouraging her. Take him on about it because she is a woman he once loved! And if their current relationship is innocent, why does he go out of the room or refuse to include you in the conversation?
Either way, he is not innocent. If he only wants you to act jealous to puff up his weak ego, he is a wrong guy.
After all you have even fought — at the dating stage! If he is that jealous or wants to make you jealous, he is an insecure, inadequate, immature and frightened man who fears that anyone else coming along could take you away.
This means you are headed for a stormy relationship. Make up your mind now. Do you want such a guy? Take him on and if he goes, it will be good riddance.