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Feb 03, 2006

Dear Auntie,<br>When mum abandoned us, dad did everything to see that I was fine. So I grew up terrified of disappointing him. However, I carry this fear into my relationships. I’m so afraid of disappointing my boyfriend that sometimes I put myself second in order to make him happy.

I fear disappointing people
Q.

Dear Auntie,
When mum abandoned us, dad did everything to see that I was fine. So I grew up terrified of disappointing him. However, I carry this fear into my relationships. I’m so afraid of disappointing my boyfriend that sometimes I put myself second in order to make him happy.
For example when Jim moved to Tanzania, I promised to visit him around Christmas. But I failed to complete my medical insurance registration in time. When I suggested that we postpone the visit, he was horribly disappointed. So, I jumped onto the next plane and went to visit him. Now I am back and I have lost my insurance chance for this year. Why am I putting myself second to people? I know in relationships it is a give-take situation. How can I get away from this fear?
Jade

A:Dear Jade,
Putting others first is a wise and compassionate Golden Rule to live by in life. Thinking of others’ feelings and needs, caring for and being attentive to persons in need are all important aspects of a life of loving kindness.
But you cannot do that effectively without first caring for your own well-being! And your health is your first responsibility to your own life. You have nothing to work with if your health, finances, emotional stability and spiritual resources are bankrupt!
Would your boyfriend be willing and committed to take care of your medical bills? Do you realise that abandoning yourself just to please someone else exposes you to tremendous disappointment if he ditches you? You are also at a big risk of abusive relationships. In any case, the only person you are disappointing is YOU! Yes, your attachment to disappointment is your fear of disappointing another, but the truth is you ultimately disappoint yourself — your own highest and best interests.
Yet you need not worry. NO person who loves and cares about you is going to be “disappointed” if you postpone a visit for the sake of your health.
Let your new year resolution be: ‘Charity begins at home’.


I want to try out Viagra
Dear Auntie,
I am a 24-year-old guy and have a very exciting girlfriend.
My girl is so free with me and we discuss many things about ourselves and especially about new areas to explore.
This time we want to take Viagra. I actually don’t need it because my systems fire up fine, but I heard that it can be fun for anyone who takes it.
But our worry is; is it healthy? We can’t ask doctors because they will think I have an impotence problem. But I am worried I could develop a permanent damage to myself if I just went ahead with Viagra. Now that you are there, tell me what to do. Is it okay to experiment or will I be taking risks?
Steve

Dear Steve,

Although Viagra was originally used to treat erectile dysfunction, it has now become very popular as a recreational drug. There are men and women who are taking it to enhance their sex lives rather than creating it.
The problem is that those who take it for recreational purposes don’t get a doctor’s prescription. Most likely, if you don’t need it, no doctor is going to prescribe it to you. Yet taking Viagra without prescription exposes you to some risks.
There are certain types of medical conditions (for example, high or low blood pressure) that cause problems for those who want to take it. Also, there are some other drugs and medications (for example, any of the prescribed nitrates or recreational nitrates) that can be very dangerous to mix with Viagra.
The doctor needs to make sure there are no risk factors. Otherwise there have been no studies to suggest that if you are healthy, Viagra can cause any harm. Viagra appears to be a very safe drug in most people.

Send your questions to Dear Auntie, on P.O Box 9815, K’la
or relate@newvision.co.ug

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