Forget water, let’s drink beer
Apr 14, 2006
WE are doomed! Lake Victoria is drying up and the government is just there looking. I am told the National Water and Sewerage Corporation will not be able to supply Kampala, Entebbe and Jinja with water for the next three months.
WE are doomed! Lake Victoria is drying up and the government is just there looking. I am told the National Water and Sewerage Corporation will not be able to supply Kampala, Entebbe and Jinja with water for the next three months.
I hear they need an injection of about sh4b to push their pipes 10 kilometers into the lake to guarantee a steady supply. Without water, even the little electricity we have will vanish. This will cause a population growth that will take Uganda back to the stone age. You are probably wondering how electricity and population growth connect. Well, just sit back, let the bright son of Nebbi explain.
With Electricity, the average Joe will go back home at 7:00pm, turn on the television to watch his favourite game or listen to radio. Meanwhile, the madam will be in the kitchen working out on the electric cooker. By the time both of you are done, it’s time to head to bed. You will be too fatigued to indulge in any hanky panky. In fact, one of you will turn their back to the wall! (I can see you are smiling!).
Now, without electricity, the average Joe reaches home at 7:00pm or earlier. The boredom is at alarming levels and what does he do? He heads to the bedroom and is joined by the madam and the next thing you know, they are doing a ‘Ngarambe’ (a legitimate one at that) and I can bet no one is worried about water or woorez! That’s how babies are made.
Dr. Muhairwe might cry bucketfuls, asking for this timely intervention but believe you me, the government’s need hierarchy doesn’t include water and electricity. In fact, they might instead set up a commission of inquiry into the disappearance of water and electricity in Uganda!
To all Ugandans, let’s brace for a future without water and electricity! And we had better start now. Government can go hang with their electricity and Lake Victoria can go and sleep with its water! We shall drink candle-lit beer.
Okay, you might argue that to produce beer you will need water and electricity, but that’s total BS (Kabushenaga’s word not mine). Haven’t you heard of imported beer? We shall shower with this beer, I can imagine offices with beer dispensers, beer running out of taps, Museveni speaking at a podium with a frothy pint by his side – I swear he would be a hero, a hero who liberated his countrymen from dictators called water and electricity!
I propose that we start drinking a beer called White Cap Light. First of all, it is closest to water since it has only three percent alcohol.
I also propose government should fund a research into possible ways of generating electricity from this new beer on the market – who knows, it might have some hidden source of electricity, otherwise, why is it called White Cap Light and where does it get Light from?
The only people I feel sorry for are married couples that met in high school after writing each other love letters. Remember the line, “Our love will never end until Lake Victoria dries.†Divorce lawyers must be smiling, bannange tufudde!
Harry Sagara runs an advertising agency called Bullseye! Creative.
www.bullseyecreative.co.ug
I hear they need an injection of about sh4b to push their pipes 10 kilometers into the lake to guarantee a steady supply. Without water, even the little electricity we have will vanish. This will cause a population growth that will take Uganda back to the stone age. You are probably wondering how electricity and population growth connect. Well, just sit back, let the bright son of Nebbi explain.
With Electricity, the average Joe will go back home at 7:00pm, turn on the television to watch his favourite game or listen to radio. Meanwhile, the madam will be in the kitchen working out on the electric cooker. By the time both of you are done, it’s time to head to bed. You will be too fatigued to indulge in any hanky panky. In fact, one of you will turn their back to the wall! (I can see you are smiling!).
Now, without electricity, the average Joe reaches home at 7:00pm or earlier. The boredom is at alarming levels and what does he do? He heads to the bedroom and is joined by the madam and the next thing you know, they are doing a ‘Ngarambe’ (a legitimate one at that) and I can bet no one is worried about water or woorez! That’s how babies are made.
Dr. Muhairwe might cry bucketfuls, asking for this timely intervention but believe you me, the government’s need hierarchy doesn’t include water and electricity. In fact, they might instead set up a commission of inquiry into the disappearance of water and electricity in Uganda!
To all Ugandans, let’s brace for a future without water and electricity! And we had better start now. Government can go hang with their electricity and Lake Victoria can go and sleep with its water! We shall drink candle-lit beer.
Okay, you might argue that to produce beer you will need water and electricity, but that’s total BS (Kabushenaga’s word not mine). Haven’t you heard of imported beer? We shall shower with this beer, I can imagine offices with beer dispensers, beer running out of taps, Museveni speaking at a podium with a frothy pint by his side – I swear he would be a hero, a hero who liberated his countrymen from dictators called water and electricity!
I propose that we start drinking a beer called White Cap Light. First of all, it is closest to water since it has only three percent alcohol.
I also propose government should fund a research into possible ways of generating electricity from this new beer on the market – who knows, it might have some hidden source of electricity, otherwise, why is it called White Cap Light and where does it get Light from?
The only people I feel sorry for are married couples that met in high school after writing each other love letters. Remember the line, “Our love will never end until Lake Victoria dries.†Divorce lawyers must be smiling, bannange tufudde!
Harry Sagara runs an advertising agency called Bullseye! Creative.
www.bullseyecreative.co.ug