What is love?

By Stephen Ssenkaaba

Love makes the world go round. Or so we think. We all have something we call love. Something near to us, yet so far.
We have so often confessed it and many times swore to it. Sometimes we think we have plenty of it. We always rush to give it, only to receive none in return.

But even when love seems so elusive, we never seize to look for it. We whisper sweet nothings into the ears of those we call our dear ones, pamper them with gifts and promise them heaven on earth—all in the name of love.

But in all our efforts, to find what we call love, we never seem to know exactly what we are looking for. Is it a feeling, a passion, an obsession? No one seems to know.
As people from different walks of life revealed, Love is as complex as it is easy. Love is everything and nothing.

“Love is wealth,” says May Nshengena, a student at Makerere University.
“I’m a material girl so I believe love is what I receive from a man and not what he tells me.”
“Give me a car, money, nice clothes and you have given me love.”

Cecilia Ogwal, MP Lira municipality: “What has love got to do with me?” (she hangs up)

Francis Ziwa, student, Old Kampala SS: “Love is that strong desire of liking, which we develop towards members of the opposite sex. It is so infectious that when two people fall in love, they find it hard to live without each other. To a great extent it is determined by sex.”
“However, love diminishes, especially when people get misunderstandings. To a greater extent it is not possible to control love because it is such a strong feeling beyond human understanding.”

Prof. Tarsis Kabwegyere, the local government minister: “Love is the device by men to have sex. (laughter) But this issue is too frivolous for me to discuss. I wouldn’t like to be seen in the papers over such an issue.”

Dr. Maggie Kigozi, executive director Uganda Investment Authority: “I cannot define love. I guess it is a feeling of happiness and liking among individuals. Love is a feeling between man and woman and changes over time . At the beginning, it is full of excitement. It keeps developing until such a time when the lovers feel incomplete in the absence of the other. It is that difference in feeling you have for a special person, which you feel for no one else. It is also sexual and emotional.

“However, control over love is something that comes with time. When we are much younger, it is hard to control but as we grow older, like at my age, we learn to control it.”

Kakande “Kakman” Herman, student, Makerere University: “Love is the only prison where people go willingly. The moment you fall in love, you forget about freedom. You sleep fewer hours thinking about the one you love. You spend more money than you used to when you were alone.
“Generally, your lifestyle changes. Love confines you to a certain strict code of conduct. To a less extent, there is love in the world, especially among the older generation. But for most of us youth, it is lust.

Dr. Hanifa Bachou, nutritionist, Mulago Hospital: “I’m not an expert on love matters. I suggest you talk to our social workers about this.” (hangs up).

Mr. Ras, New Vision cartoonist: “Love is a campaign slogan used by men to campaign for sex and by women to campaign for money. That is why playing sex is called making love. After sex, love evaporates.
“Of the multitudes of women I have been involved with, I have loved only two. That is how complicated love is. It is not easy to tell if true love exists. If at all it does, only 0.01% of the world’s population has it.”

Catherine Kabatangare, front desk officer: “Love is the deepest affection men and women have towards one another, which binds them in body and soul. Love exists. That is why people have relationships. It is also very possible to control love by being understanding, patient and mutually trusting your partner.”
“It is very philosophical, says

Joash Mayanja Nkangi, the chairman Uganda Land Commission: “Love is not easy to comprehend. For instance, you cannot say that someone loves you just because they claim so. I can’t even say, there is love in the world, because I have not examined everyone in the world to find out whether they experience it or not. Besides, I'm more interested in discussing politics and other serious issues.”

Mubiru Liliane, a student at Makerere University, defines love as an excuse by men to have sex with women.
“It is their way of saying ‘I want to sleep with you’. So, don’t ever be fooled that there is love in this world. For the girls, love is what you see in a man. It could be good looks, money or anything material. This is a feeling that changes with someone’s mood and attitude.”

Dauda Kiragga, a market vendor at Kalerwe market: “Love is the ability of a man and a woman to understand and trust each other in a relationship. Whether one loves their partner or not depends not on how much one professes it, but on their ability to work out differences in their relationship.
“Love exists, especially where trust and understanding are observed.
“Unfortunately, more of what we say today is not real love but hypocrisy. People use relationships as a shortcut to attain selfish goals like wealth and fame. True love is exhibited in virtues like forgiveness, tolerance and faithfulness, especially during the trying moments like poverty, sickness and depression. As human beings, it is hard to control love, only God can.”

Jessica Aketch, a student: “Love is an abstract concept existing in people’s imaginations. Love does not exist in the real world and since it is psychological, it can be controlled, just like any other mental function. Ideally, control over love means the power to walk out of a relationship whenever one feels they can’t love anymore.”

To Mike Mukula, health state minister and Soroti MP, Love is a chemistry that cannot be easily defined.
“You might call it an electric feeling expressed through deep emotions for someone. It surpasses all other feelings that we have and has no barriers. It does not matter if one’s parents or society approve of the relationship or not. One should be able to walk through the rain and the scorching sun just to reach out to that person they love. It is characterised by physical attraction and romance, touch and other sexual discourse.
“People do many things for love. They kill, commit suicide and lots of other things. It is very difficult to control.”

Shamim Kaitesi, a student at Makerere University: “Love is a mutual understanding between a man and a woman. It entails physical and emotional commitment. It is so exclusive that what you share with your loved one cannot be shared with any other person—not even your best friend.
“To me, control over love is when I’m in charge of making all the decisions and determining the direction of our relationship. I have not been in a relationship where I have been able take full charge and this is why I keep going in and out of relationships.”

Francis Babu, housing state minister and MP Kampala Central: “How do you ask me about love at my age? Well, love is that strong natural attraction we feel for other people. It starts from home where love shared by parents is transmitted to their children. It is through our parents that we learn to love other people. Love is characterised by strong magnetic feelings in our bodies. This God-given magnet enables us to attract and get attracted to the people we desire.
“Love between man and woman is just a single component of a broad concept of love.”

Paul Nyende, psychologist at Makerere University: “Love is a strong feeling of attraction towards somebody else. It is characterised by sexual relations and strong feelings of yearning for the person we are attracted to.
“We tend to idealise the people we are attracted to by classifying them as beautiful and handsome. However, these feelings distort our perceptions about the people we love.
“Love has three basic components: passion, which involves physical attraction for other people, intimacy, which involves boldness and closeness between lovers, and commitment, where two people decide to stick together as lovers.
“In any relationship, it is very difficult to have all the three. Absence of one, however, does not mean there is no love. But as the relationship grows, passion wanes, leaving commitment and intimacy as the driving forces of a relationship. Love exists and can be controlled, especially through cultural controls and societal norms.”

Ben Bella Illakut, veteran journalist: “The only love I have is that for the one above (God), the rest is hot air. Love is when I wake up at 2:00am, switch on my TV set, raise my hands and dance to the gospel. Sometimes I weep. When I stop at 4:00am, my wife wakes up and continues where I have stopped. Since my wife is part of me, I love her as much as I love myself.”

Erias Lukwago, city advocate: “Love is that intimate affection between two people of the opposite sex. In order to express it fully, there has to be an exchange of values, one of which is money. Without money, love becomes insignificant.
“Due to poverty, many Ugandans have not been able to experience love to the fullest. But this is not to say love does not exist. It exists in form of strong emotions and the bodily changes that take place within us. Love is a kind of feeling that grips you without necessarily responding to situations.”

Dr. James Rwanyarare, chairman, UPC presidential policy commission: “I look at Love as a shared experience and understanding between a man and a woman. In all this, there is passion, which acts as a cementing factor. It is a complex matter whose expression affects other aspects of life.