With this beer, who needs water?

By Harry Sagara Doctor William Muhaire and his boys are guys who really inspire me negatively. They make me feel like murdering someone. Look, last week I went back home to find that Muhaire’s people at National Water and Sewerage Corporation (NWSC) had disconnected me. They did not leave any invoice behind to suggest any arrears. They just walked to my Rwakitura and voila! my water was gone!Imagine! I have to send my guests to the nearby bushes. Now, there is even a rumour in town that I am the one behind that radio advert where someone sends his buddy to go and ‘help himself’ in the bushes. If you have heard that rumour, please take it with a pinch of salt because its not me in the advert and I will never involve myself in such things again!What were we talking about?......Oh yes! National Water. do you know that I had no arrears with them (I am not making this up. My residence reference is 1128-122, you can check) I later learned that my case was a mistaken identity.My Doctor landlord says that actually it was my neighbour (house No: 6) who was supposed to be disconnected. Well, when I went to the NWSC offices in Ntinda, they vowed to put me back on flow within a second, mbu I only had to wait...until they were done with connecting the equivalent of mainland China’s entire population! Bwana Muhaire, if you are reading this (and I know you are), I am still waiting patiently for your people tme to the flow. In fact I was planning to slap a lawsuit on NWSC but the things this water shortage has done to me are just too good to be true. So, I change my mind. In fact, ‘puleeaasee’ Mr Muhaire, do not re-connect my water supply. I swear I am having a blast with the shortage!I have heard people say that water is life (you have heard that too) and I am one of those guys who believe in that slogan very religiously. In fact, I hate wasting life (water) so much that I have resorted to drinking beer! I am in love with this other liquid due to the woes NWSC has bestowed unto me. So please, no one should interrupt the honeymoon. What NWSC has put together, no man shall put asunder!Yesterday morning I woke up and went to the bathroom sink, grabbed my toothbrush and while I was unleashing the paste on the brush, an idea struck me. I ran to the nearby kafunda and grabbed a frothing cold beer. The Kafunda owner (I think her name is Mamma Beer) stared at me mouth-agape wondering what a whole Saggy was doing with a beer at a time when everyone was supposed to be reporting for work. Well, I ran back to my bathroom and I proceeded to brush my teeth, with the beer! Then, I proceeded to wash my face with Bell beer (you should see my skin!) and now I am thinking... “to hell with Dr. Muhaire and his water.”Like they say, man does not live on water alone. However, I know for a fact that without water, this world would be a living hell for the likes of me. – I mean, this is the biggest component of beer we are talking about! When Muhairwe’s people ‘illegally’ cut off my water, I had a dream. In this dream, Sandor Walusimbi, the Bell brand manager, visited me and filled my water tank with beer – I swear, when this happened, I haha-ed for Sandor. Also in the dream, I had an option of showering with warm or cold beer (not water remember) and after a ‘beer shower’, I wore a deodourant called ‘Guiness the power.’ Sandor also connected my underground pipes formerly meant for water to the Luzira brewery and all of a sudden, there was too much beer flowing in my house. In this dream, the Advertising campaigns in the media were making one point very clear—Mbu Water is life: save it, drink beer! I especially liked Sandor’s products because he did not send me monthly bills giving me seven days to pay up, lest he disconnected me. for Sandor, it was cash on the spot (need I mention the reduction in taxes on his product?). You use the beer, you pay for it there and then. Until the day those NWSC guys come and restore my water supply, I will still be glued to that Luzira product. Who is that saying that beer is bad?sagara10@yahoo.com