PAM Awards: Winners, losers, in-betweens

Nov 16, 2011

WE present to you the actual winners, losers and those we can’t exactly make out, of the PAM Awards 2011. Winners Issac Mulindwa, it was a hard decision putting you among the winners, but despite all the blunders that made this year’s PAM an epic fail, you still managed to gather a couple of artist

THE criticism of the PAM Award is familiar and surely Isaac Mulindwa should be as accustomed to it as we are of Straka’s crooked rainbow-coloured wigs and bizarre outfit choices. RONALD MAYANJA (watching live on the screen) and DAVID KIIZA (at the scene) dissect the 2011 PAM-A

We present to you the actual winners, losers and those we can’t exactly make out, of the PAM Awards 2011. Winners Issac Mulindwa, it was a hard decision putting you among the winners, but despite all the blunders that made this year’s PAM an epic fail, you still managed to gather a couple of artistes, and a crowd of people with average money, and you got away with putting them in a building with no air conditioning to your entertainment. Business is good, aint it?!

Keko, looked every bit the millions of dollars that Mountain Dew sunk into her, and the pants, maybe she didn’t suspect she would win so somehow she got pants she can’t walk in. She was a winner, because not so many women are recognised in that category. Jackie Chandiru, put on one of the most exciting performances of the night.

Her eccentric behabit of wearing black leather tights and mascara is fading off, and now we are seeing her perform in sexy barbie dresses.

JKazoora, dude has perfected the art of public thuggery. He’s turned into some sort of Robinhood, only difference is that he doesn’t use arrows, and doesn’t donate his bounty to the poor. When he successfully thugged Mike Mukula’s watch, he scurried back on stage so he could keep a distance from Mike.

On stage, Roger was waiting to play the same “let’s swap watches” trick. Roger is a rocky in the watch swapping game, and when he attempted to steal Mike’s watch from Kazoora, the guy instead offered his worthless ring. But atleast he made a great effort trying to steal from Kazoora.

To some extent, Kazoora was embarassed; finally he had met his match. Split decision UBC TV, I don’t know if you guys view this station, but usually, when there is a live func, they get their cameras and try to broadcast. The problem is we, the viewers, get just a black and white picture with a brush of red.

We understand and appreciate the courtesy that you guys offered, and that you were broadcasting live, that things were moving too fast, but why did you take your lame-selves there in the first place?

Iryn Namubiru. She might have taken the night, literally, but we know the Fussion Band pushed her that far and they deserved more than an acceptance speech shout-out.

Losers
The losers are many, just like you predicted. Straka Mwezi, simply, Straka is irrelevant. Each time she crawled out that backstage hole, with her stale jazz, I wished live TV had a fast-forward button.

Bebe Cool, first, y’all hold your fire. When I mention Bebe Cool, hate and counter-hate camps start to shout. Giving Bebe Cool a PAM award is simply inappropriate. In his acceptance speech, he blabbered something about Gudlyfe, and Bobi Wine.

I am wondering how many years it really takes for a man to catch a life?

PAM Awards, that was one of the worst stages to hold a show. Next time get something legit. How do you use ladders and black satin material? With all the money people pay to attend, can’t you build a dope stage?

The people in kirussia (general happiness), you should come top of the losers’ list. But like the PAM awards, nothing is what it seems.

You paid 30 bob and perhaps borrowed clothes only to find that the five seats reserved had already been taken because it was via first come first serve basis. So you spent the entire night standing or had to part with 5k for a pepsi plastic chair. You were not catered for.

Why do you think its called general happiness? Because you have to improvise seats, drinks and even jazz. Speaking of improvised jazz, why did Captain Mike Mukula say that “these are the best PAM Awards this year?” How many PAM Awards have been held this year? And besides, these were not the best, sir. Behind you, people were seated on the floor as you sipped wine at the front.

 

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