Company for the Cranes match

Hillary Bainemigisha
OH my God! We are so many who want to see the Cranes qualify for the Africa Cup of Nations next Saturday. And as usual, nobody is consulting me on how we can maximise profits in spite of the small stadium we have. I would have advised FUFA to organise the match in two stadiums.

Fill up Namboole and Nakivubo (that is a combined total of 57,000 spectators and tickets sold), play the first half in Namboole and then transfer the team to Nakivubo for the second half. Brilliant? Whatever!

But I have a better piece of wisdom. Before you think of the security at the stadium, you have to plan who you will step out with on that day. Victory is sweeter when you have a great partner of the opposite sex.

A loss is also better when you have someone to share it with intimately. If you don’t believe me, keep quiet, lest we shall know you have never tried. I have some 10 points to share about the type of partner you should raid Namboole with.

Point number one: Value addition
You need a partner who will add value to your profile. Namboole is not a church where everybody is acceptable, it is a parade of stature, fully infected with gossips who want to see, and know, which girl is with Dr Love. So, get a girl who is smashing. And (whispering) it doesn’t have to be your spouse.

Tell your spouse Namboole will be too dangerous and off you go with your smashing girl. If your guy is not the kind who will make other girls jealous, cut wisdom! You need a muscled partner who can shove crowds away from your path and wrap his protective arm around you when you need it most.

Point number two: Value addition
The guy must know how to dress up, especially in a sleeveless T-shirt and shorts, so that girls will look and develop sexual feelings. And if he is as fat as his skeleton, one who knows which clothes will hide his sugarless economy. But NOT the fat man walking on tooth picks and using shorts to advertise his inadequacy.

For guys, a light-skinned chick with nice brown thighs and ample boys’ quarters is not bad at all. She also needs to dress decently, by which I mean provocatively in shorts (it can also be a skirt) which are only visible under a microscope’s lens.

One who will grab the dragon in you to spit fire at the Kenyan fans or any kanyama trying to disagree with your satellite location.

Point number three: Value addition
Your partner’s mouth must be a source of edification to the rest of the fans. One whose football arguments, accent, grammar, knowledge of current affairs, descent language etc will make others turn to pay attention, and, in the process, notice your presence by his/her side.

For what good is it to light a candle and place it under a bed, says the Bible. Beware of one whose words will make you wish there was a parachute under your seat.

Point number four: Value addition
You need, above all, a person who is acceptable to you. This is football where normal common sense cannot be relied upon to remain close by. A win or loss may lead you into temptation and if you must eat a frog, it had better be juicy.