Kitchen to boardroom: Is the career bug biting into the family fabric?

Many of today’s women are wives, mothers and employed outside the home, all at the same time. Juggling these roles can be challenging, writes Joyce Nyakato

Being a woman has become such a daunting task with so many influences pulling her in different directions.

Back in the day, the woman’s roles were primarily tied to the home as her husband went out to look for the bread and bacon.

And then came the 21st century where the women were liberated, emancipated and empowered to leave the home and join the corporate world. Initially the modern man loved this new and empowered woman, who had both beauty and brains and boldly used it to her advantage. However, somewhere along the way, men have realised they are missing the ‘non-empowered’ woman.

Nakato Nassimbwa, a marital coach in Makindye says some women have taken emancipation too far, “A wife will always be a wife, whether she is employed or not.”

She explains that sometimes women are misled into thinking that because they are empowered they should dump their roles in the home, but they have got it all wrong. Wife absenteeism pushes the husband into the arms of another woman and whoever is available, even the housemaid, will fill in the vacuum.

Are women abdicating their roles?
Armed with anti-discrimination and the sexual harassment policies at workplaces, to beat any possible roadblocks, Judith Ndyamuhaki has her eyes fixed on the company’s top spots. It is very likely her ambition will require her to work extra hours to the chagrin of her family.

Classed as a corporate ‘babe’, her entry in a room turns heads. Because of her dressing and regularity on the social scene, it is difficult to tell her apart for her single colleague. She also wants to take advantage of the cocktails and parties in the name of networking.

Her marital status, not many know, as there is no ring on her finger. As a result many men hit on her and she seems not bothered about it. Her husband’s desperate pleas for their three children’s sake has continued to fall on deaf ears because Ndyamuhaki does not want to lose her corporate class and image.   

Because of these tendencies among the modern woman, there appears to be a growing sympathy, among men towards the old-fashioned view that women belong to the home and no where else.

“Men have got it all wrong; they want to just slap us all day and because they feel that they can no longer do it, they feel like they have been deserted that is all there is to it,” says Ndyamuhaki in defence of her busy schedule.

With the presence of house helps, Ndyamuhaki does not have to ruin her manicured nails doing housework.

Robert Tumu, a lawyer in Kampala, attributes this behaviour and tendencies to women emancipation. “I like the empowered woman, but if she can’t even fix me a meal at least once a week, then I would rather go for the traditional one,” he says. Much as men like their career women what is on their top wish list is women who can pamper them.

Nakato, however, asserts that emancipation is not a bad thing because the times have changed. It is good for a family when a woman and a man are both earning to increase the household income. However, that should not stop the woman from fulfilling her wifely duties, considering that her husband is as important as her work.

Being overly ambitious at the expense of her husband and children is a sign of looming disaster in her marriage. Such a change in attitude is the dawn of the marital conflicts in marriage.

“The changing roles for women should not be a catalyst to break their marriages but a rich ingredient and leverage to boost their relationship,” says Rosemary Bwire, a counsellor and a teacher.

In the past the woman had to stomach the problems for the wellbeing of her family, but now because she has been empowered to speak up, she will blurt out any family mishap. Consequently, many people get dragged into the small family affairs that could otherwise be solved at family level.

The modern woman’s dilemma
Marion Busingye Etyang, the general manager of Cineplex Cinema, affirms that mixing roles as a mother and a career woman is quite daunting and many women break their backs trying to be good at both.

A study conducted by sociologists from Cambridge University, in 2008, hints a mounting concern at women who play a full and equal role in the workplace. “The notion that there has been a steady increase in favour of women taking an equal role in the workplace and away from their traditional role in the home is clearly a myth,” says Prof. Jacqueline Scott from the university’s department of sociology.

Instead, there is evidence that women’s changing role is viewed as having cost both for the woman and the family.
According to her, opinions are shifting because the shine of the ‘super-mum’ syndrome is wearing off, and the idea of women juggling high-powered careers, while also baking cookies and reading bedtime stories is increasingly seen to be unrealisable by ordinary mortals.

Cecilia Mbabazi, a housewife of 56 years is glad that the woman has been given the opportunity for the high-profile careers. However, a few women have taken it an ‘extra’ mile.

“They feel like they have been granted the opportunity to move about and attend every town party, leaving the children at the mercy of the maid. Over the weekend, when you would expect them to be home, they still want to be out,” she says.
Mbabazi adds that though one genuinely works until late, it is important to inform your husband in advance to rid him of any suspicions of cheating.