Things you should never say to your children

Today’s parent encounters many challenges; the increasing cost of living, the school fees and lack of salary increment. When you go through the budget over and over again and you see no light at the end of the tunnel, the obvious option is to worry.

With worry comes stress that can easily be transferred to your innocent children in words you do not mean. Despite the circumstances, there are some phrases you should never mention to your children. If you do, you will be breaking the very flower you are nurturing.

You will never make it

Ruth Senyonyi, a counsellor with Bank of Uganda, says this is a no-no! As the Bible says, life and death are in the power of the tongue - you probably sow failure in your child and expect the best from them.

“You are your children’s number one role model,” she says. Such negative words will keep on playing in their mind until you reverse them with something positive.

Comparing children

I wonder why you are not as clever as your cousin. When your elder sister was in that class, she was always the best.’’ Such statements will break the heart of a child who is struggling to please their parents. Some children try their best, but they simply cannot match up to the person you are comparing them with.
You should instead sing about their good points. It may be true that the child is not as bright as her cousin, but she might be kind, a good actress or designer. Point out these admirable qualities. This will encourage them to excel at other things as well.

Name calling

You walk into your home and find it disorganised. Without asking who the culprit is, your first comment is; “I know it is John. He is a disorganised boy.”
Such a statement, Emmanuel Kayiwa, a parent, says is not good for the child. Instead of focusing on being the best, they often say “after all Mum and dad say I’m like that, there is nothing I can do about it.”
So, even if you are aware of his faults, instead say: “John is an organised boy. He is going to clear this room. This way, Kayiwa says, you would have given your children something to ponder about for the better.
 

Empty threats and promises

Some parents rely on empty threats to keep their children in order. Senyonyi says when you do that, your children lose their trust in you. Furthermore, she says, you create an insecure environment for them.
“It causes them to believe that when you lie, you get away with it,” Senyonyi says.
WAIT TILL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME
When a child misbehaves and you tell them that they should wait until a particular person disciplines them, it means they are free to rebel because you have no power over them.
But when the other parent returns, he or she becomes a devil to them since he or she is the only one who can punish them.
BLAME GAMES
Don’t blame your children for all your misfortune, John Bosco Buusulwa, a teacher at Namugongo Girls’ School says. Some parents are always complaining; if it had not been for your school fees, I would be very rich or if your father had not walked out on me, my life would not be this messy.

“Such talk makes the children feel angry and depressed yet they had no role in your past,” he says. You need to take responsibility for your actions.
 

Marital conflicts

If you have issues with your partner, try as much as possible to solve them away from your children.
Your children need to be shielded from the ugliness of marital conflict or else, they will follow your example when they grow up.

Cheap talk

Bad-mouthing other people in the presence of your children is just not right. Remember children learn whatever they hear or see you do.
No matter how bad or stressed you feel, you have no right to pass it on to your children.