If Gaetano Were Our President
Jun 27, 2003
If there is any one Ugandan who is gaining international fame at the speed of light, it is definitely Gaetano Kaggwa.
If there is any one Ugandan who is gaining international fame at the speed of light, it is definitely Gaetano Kaggwa. The 31-year-old Gae did not go to the Big Brother house to play. He went for business, and, following his serial snogging stints in the house, everyone now treats him with a status only afforded to cult leaders (did I hear someone say, a sex cult?).
It is amazing how someone can get propelled from the annals of nobody-ism into instant global stardom just over a mere snog!
The Sun newspaper even went a step further and purred in a front page article that the Ugandan Gae “has the voice of Barry white, the looks of Denzel Washington and the strength of Westley Snipes.â€
This goes to show that our very own Gae is stirring up a storm in the big brother house. Optimists say he actually ‘ate’ the charming and annoyingly flirtatious South African Housemate, Abergail, but I can assure you there was nothing of that kind.
Well, we have heard that he charms bras off women, but I swear the ‘Gae’ did not do anything to Abby.
As a sex analyst, I have carried out a post-mortem study from a TV screen and I can authoritatively tell you that our Gae did not ‘chew’ Abby. He might have come close to ‘chewing’, but he did not.
By the way, this does not mean that I have withdrawn the props I have for him. I actually think the Gae should stand for President of Uganda in 2006. I can guarantee my vote on this.
With his vast exposure, coupled with good looks (just like mine!) and his wildly publicised sexcapades, Gae would make the perfect President of the Republic of Uganda.
For the first time, a President who is comparable to Bill Clinton would emerge from Africa. It will even be more interesting to see Abby as our first lady!
I can imagine President Gaetano Kaggwa being received by his female Vice President at Entebbe Airport (probably Sarah Kagingo) and instead of the traditional firm handshake, President Gae would bend over and snog the living day lights out of his Vee Pee!
I am volunteering to be Gaetano’s campaign manager. He does not have to pay me a dime. He only has to get me Abby’s phone number! With Gae’s current popularity, he will not need to stuff ballot boxes with stolen votes. Ugandans will just pour him votes the way the Nile pours water into the Mediterranean.
Gae would take the Buganda vote, people in the north would vote for him overwhelmingly, and, he would sweep Eastern Uganda. In the west, his competitor would be left mouth-ajar.
Well, about the women vote, he would just unleash one of those dreamy looks at the women and then their knees would turn to jelly. They would then unleash the vote (Silly! I do not mean the one you are thinking about.)
At the end of the day and for the first time in Uganda, we would have the right definition of the word ‘landslide victory’.
With Gae as President, we would not have to endure painstaking hours watching the utterly boring programmes on UTV! All Ugandans would be focused on DSTV. In fact, whenever the President would feel that someone has done a good deed, he would fork out $100,000 and hand them over in appreciation.
President Gae, being the hunk he is, would attract tourists from the UK and South Africa who would come over and pay money just to look at him and pray that he looks back at them!
President Gae would spice up our politics, much in the same way, Bill Clinton (poor thing) did American politics. We would see ladies walking up to newspaper offices and extolling their sexcapades with President Gae –– this time not in the oval office but on the State House lawn in Nakasero!
I can imagine Uganda being on the world map because of a President with a loose zip. We would not have time to worry about things like poverty and the like, since we would be preoccupied with the entertainment provided by the man in State house.
With Gae in state house, we would not only enjoy good bilateral relations with countries like South Africa, but also ‘horizontal relations’ with them — what with Abby’s flirtatious ways?
I can imagine what President Gaetano’s cabinet would be like. Would we have Sarah Kagingo as Vice President? Timothy Bukumunhe or Alex Ndaula as Information Minister? Chameleone as Minister of Culture and Abergail Plaajtes (Abby) as the First lady?
Of course, as I said, I am volunteering to be his campaigner during elections and who knows, President Gae might make me a personal assistant to the first lady—Abby!
Sagara10@yahoo.com
077445367
It is amazing how someone can get propelled from the annals of nobody-ism into instant global stardom just over a mere snog!
The Sun newspaper even went a step further and purred in a front page article that the Ugandan Gae “has the voice of Barry white, the looks of Denzel Washington and the strength of Westley Snipes.â€
This goes to show that our very own Gae is stirring up a storm in the big brother house. Optimists say he actually ‘ate’ the charming and annoyingly flirtatious South African Housemate, Abergail, but I can assure you there was nothing of that kind.
Well, we have heard that he charms bras off women, but I swear the ‘Gae’ did not do anything to Abby.
As a sex analyst, I have carried out a post-mortem study from a TV screen and I can authoritatively tell you that our Gae did not ‘chew’ Abby. He might have come close to ‘chewing’, but he did not.
By the way, this does not mean that I have withdrawn the props I have for him. I actually think the Gae should stand for President of Uganda in 2006. I can guarantee my vote on this.
With his vast exposure, coupled with good looks (just like mine!) and his wildly publicised sexcapades, Gae would make the perfect President of the Republic of Uganda.
For the first time, a President who is comparable to Bill Clinton would emerge from Africa. It will even be more interesting to see Abby as our first lady!
I can imagine President Gaetano Kaggwa being received by his female Vice President at Entebbe Airport (probably Sarah Kagingo) and instead of the traditional firm handshake, President Gae would bend over and snog the living day lights out of his Vee Pee!
I am volunteering to be Gaetano’s campaign manager. He does not have to pay me a dime. He only has to get me Abby’s phone number! With Gae’s current popularity, he will not need to stuff ballot boxes with stolen votes. Ugandans will just pour him votes the way the Nile pours water into the Mediterranean.
Gae would take the Buganda vote, people in the north would vote for him overwhelmingly, and, he would sweep Eastern Uganda. In the west, his competitor would be left mouth-ajar.
Well, about the women vote, he would just unleash one of those dreamy looks at the women and then their knees would turn to jelly. They would then unleash the vote (Silly! I do not mean the one you are thinking about.)
At the end of the day and for the first time in Uganda, we would have the right definition of the word ‘landslide victory’.
With Gae as President, we would not have to endure painstaking hours watching the utterly boring programmes on UTV! All Ugandans would be focused on DSTV. In fact, whenever the President would feel that someone has done a good deed, he would fork out $100,000 and hand them over in appreciation.
President Gae, being the hunk he is, would attract tourists from the UK and South Africa who would come over and pay money just to look at him and pray that he looks back at them!
President Gae would spice up our politics, much in the same way, Bill Clinton (poor thing) did American politics. We would see ladies walking up to newspaper offices and extolling their sexcapades with President Gae –– this time not in the oval office but on the State House lawn in Nakasero!
I can imagine Uganda being on the world map because of a President with a loose zip. We would not have time to worry about things like poverty and the like, since we would be preoccupied with the entertainment provided by the man in State house.
With Gae in state house, we would not only enjoy good bilateral relations with countries like South Africa, but also ‘horizontal relations’ with them — what with Abby’s flirtatious ways?
I can imagine what President Gaetano’s cabinet would be like. Would we have Sarah Kagingo as Vice President? Timothy Bukumunhe or Alex Ndaula as Information Minister? Chameleone as Minister of Culture and Abergail Plaajtes (Abby) as the First lady?
Of course, as I said, I am volunteering to be his campaigner during elections and who knows, President Gae might make me a personal assistant to the first lady—Abby!
Sagara10@yahoo.com
077445367