You Ask Us

May 09, 2008

<b>Dear Aunt</b><br>I had a boyfriend whom I met when I was in Primary five. After some time, his elder brother approached me for a love relationship but I turned down his proposal. He told me that he was better than his brother at romance and that we would keep the relationship top secret.

Dear Aunt
I had a boyfriend whom I met when I was in Primary five. After some time, his elder brother approached me for a love relationship but I turned down his proposal. He told me that he was better than his brother at romance and that we would keep the relationship top secret. I gave in but after one month, his brother caught us red-handed and called it quits with me. I decided to remain with my new catch. Meanwhile, my ex still calls me to tell me he loves me. Although I am with his brother, I still have strong feelings for him. I am confused.
Y.K

Dear Y.K,
An intimate relationship with the opposite sex must have goals if it is to last. What exactly do you want out of this relationship? Do both men have the exact qualities you are looking for? If you don’t establish what you want, every man might appear attractive to you. There is more to a man than just romance and if you are looking for a long-term relationship, then you need to see romantic qualities. You haven’t mentioned what made you to shift from your former boyfriend to his brother. Are there qualities that were lacking in your ex and are compensated for in your current relationship or was it just an adventure of trying a relationship with two guys? Whichever man you choose to zero down on, it might be difficult for you to settle down with one partner without well-set goals. The same problem might trail you into your next relationship if you don’t deal with it. Remember, no man will take you seriously if you keep sampling men left and right.

Dear aunt,
I am 17 years old but a have a problem is with girls. I am attracted to girls but I find it difficult to approach them. I feel very shy whenever I talk to a girl. I need your help. A.P

Dear A.P,
There is nothing sinful in talking to a girl. Girls are human beings like you whom you can freely interact with. However, dealing with your feelings towards them must be a challenge. At your age, the feelings towards girls must be more intense because of the developmental stage. The strong feelings for the girls is due to hormonal changes you are experiencing. This, however, does not mean you set yourself loose on their territory. Remember, sex is a responsibility with consequences. Intimacy might appear attractive but there is a right age and time for it. At your age, the demands for academic work must be too overwhelming to allow room for love. It is okay to relate with the girls but intimacy needs to be delayed until the right time. Since girls are not running out of stock, you will always have them anytime you are ready for an intimate relationship.

Send your questions to intimate@newvision.co.ug

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