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Jun 22, 2007

<b>She has confused me</b><br><br><b>Dear aunt, <br>I have been in love with a lady for a year, but each time I want to meet her to discuss the affairs of our relationship, she gives me excuses that she is busy. I am madly in love with her and would like to settle down with her. I am confused. Wh

She has confused me

Dear aunt,
I have been in love with a lady for a year, but each time I want to meet her to discuss the affairs of our relationship, she gives me excuses that she is busy. I am madly in love with her and would like to settle down with her. I am confused. What do I do?
Ken


Dear Ken,
An ideal relationship is like a plant. It has to be watered and well catered for before it grows. Marriage is like a seal that binds a mature love relationship.
As much as it is your right to choose a potential marriage partner, you need to make the choice cautiously. Quality time is necessary for the growth of your relationship but your girlfriend does not seem to appreciate this. Yes, you are madly in love with her, but is she equally in love with you?
A one-sided love is torturous and frustrating. Rushing into marriage with somebody you hardly understand will frustrate you. The most important thing at this point is not exchanging vows, but building a successful relationship. Be honest with her and let her understand how her action makes you feel. Remember, open communication is like a glue that binds a successful relationship.


Help, I am insecure

I have a boyfriend I have been dating for some time. I deeply love him. He also loves me and always wants to spend his free time with me. My only problem is that I keep getting worried that he might cheat on me at some point when I am not around. I am worried that some girl might steal his heart away. He is not the kind who would easily fall for another woman, but I cannot help feeling insecure. He also keeps telling me to trust him, but I am still worried. I would like to get married to this man. Am I being protective or just jealous? What should I do?
T.E.M.


Dear T.E.M.,
Jealousy is a normal feeling in a relationship. It simply shows that you treasure your partner so much that you would not like him to share that love with somebody else. However, over-possessiveness that makes you feel like keeping your boyfriend in your pocket is not healthy.
You and your boyfriend are distinct human beings who are in love but lead different lives. Being in a relationship shouldn’t mean taking over each other’s lives. It means meeting each other’s emotional needs in a mutually fulfilling relationship. Your jealousy could be a sign of low sense of self-worth, leading to insecurity. Do you feel you are not good enough for him? It might also be rooted in your original family.
Were you brought up in a polygamous family where you saw your mother compete with other women to please your dad? The fact that you have identified it as a problem puts you on the right path to recovery. A face- to- face talk with a professional counsellor will help you deal with this issue.

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