Oh, Uganda! I had fun

By Will Ross

A friend of mine believes that six months is the cut off point. Any visitor to Uganda who passes the six month mark is in trouble — real trouble. From that point on, it is extremely hard to leave.

When he first floated his theory, I thought he was talking a load of horse manure. But sure enough during four years here I have seen many people get hooked by Uganda and once past the six month stage, it is taken a monumental heave to leave. Often they resurface a few days later with a, “Just stopped by to say Hi.”
This is what is known as Ug Flu. This is how Ugandan flu works.

After exactly six months it starts, but lies dormant in your pancreas. Then as soon as you have flown from the country, you go down with the Ug Flu. There is no vaccine for Ug Flu. Once you have flown you are floored by flu. The treatment can only be administered at Entebbe Airport on your return.

For some strange reason, it is not even mentioned in the Ugandan guidebooks.
There ought to be a stern warning: “Should you stay in excess of six months you are at high risk of contracting Ugandan flu.”

Look around and you will see that Ug Flu is hitting hard. You may start off as a highly paid accountant in Washington and then set off on a seemingly innocuous holiday to Uganda. Two weeks turns into a month and before you know it six months down the road you have forgotten where Washington is, built a house in Kasese and started a business selling cheese.

There was also a German diplomat by the name of Holdontoyourbum or something similar. He never left. Now he is in the tourism trade — simply spreading the Ug Flu.

Now Big Boys Don’t Cry. Well that is what was written on the back of the Mbarara-bound bus I was stuck behind last weekend.

Well in recent days I have shed a few tears as I have been trying to leave Uganda.

My new home will be Accra in Ghana from where I will be covering the news across the West African region for the BBC — slightly daunting when you look at the map and the troubled states on it. Then again maybe Uganda has been good preparation — with the war in the north, violence in the east and then to the west there is DR Congo — say no more. And down south the new war.....against the shrinking lake. No wonder my first grey hairs appeared in Uganda.

I have been lucky enough to see plenty of the country, but a few places I am yet to visit — so I better pop back. (Classic Ug Flu symptoms)

Why oh why did I never make it to Nakapiripirit. A place called Nakapiripirit deserves to be seen for the name alone. There are other places which roll well off the tongue — Wobulenzi for instance. When I first heard it I thought it might describe a condition acquired if you were a lover of food. “That one he can’t stop eating — his walk has developed a Wobulenzi.”

Then there is Nakasongola. I don’t know what it means, but I knew it would surely be painful if a man was ever kicked near his Nokosongolas. Ouch!
Anyway, time to sign off before I get the sack for failing to make it to Ghana at all.

The writer is outgoing BBC correspondent