Senga tips for the royal couple

Apr 27, 2011

WHEN I was going for Easter in Mbarara, I thought I would be the only one who had afforded the exorbitant fuel for the journey upcountry.

By Hilary Bainemigisha

WHEN I was going for Easter in Mbarara, I thought I would be the only one who had afforded the exorbitant fuel for the journey upcountry.

I was shocked to travel in a jam that surpassed Christmas traffic! Where did you get the money, people! No more walks to work pretence because many of you are not doing as badly as I thought. So do not complain, you can actually afford a sh3b swearing in ceremony. Infact in the UK, there is a debate about tomorrow’s royal wedding of Prince William and Middleton.

You remember Princess Diana, the one who died in an accident with Dodi and the whole world missed a heart beat? Well, her son is wedding and the function, it is said, will cost up to sh153b.But that is not my concern. As a love doctor, I am more worried about the expected life span of the marriage these two are contracting. I had to break my Easter partying to deliver the bad news to the heir-in-waiting.

Apparently, the prince and princess-to-be have to read this column before they walk down the isle tomorrow because within these words lie a secret of long life like William’s grandmother and Middleton’s grandmother-in-law have had. But, unfortunately, the secret comes embedded within 10 pieces of bad news. My age-old wisdom advises never to delay bad news. So, I shoot:

1. Contrary to what William and Middleton are thinking right now, the truth is they are not going to marry an angel tomorrow! That partner you are presenting to God tomorrow is as human as Draru, Kazini’s suspected murderer.

Yes, your partner can pass wind, puke and generally exhibit vain traits of fallible humans. So do not expect them to be sinless, pure, holy or any of those heavenly adjectives. I know how love deceives you to set high moral standards for your spouse and that is the beginning of all problems.

Just treat them as humans who can err and may require more forgiveness and understanding than the entire sex you intend to have in the remaining part of your lifespan.

2. With reference to William’s parents, the couple should know that saying “I do” at the altar may look like winning an election but it does not mean the rivals are scampering for safety with tails between their legs. In politics, Besigye still crops up to cause expensive panic now and then. In love, many of the lovers who lose out tend to transform into independents and keep imbibing on your fruit whenever you are not looking.

You can actually lock your political opposition up in Nakasongola but your marriage rival is like a shadow. Even when you see it, you may never be able to catch it. So, do not wait to see. Live and love like there is a rival.

3. I was about to pen down number three when my 10 year-old son peered over my shoulder and asked me whether the UK would send me a cheque for the words of wisdom I am carefully grafting.

So I wondered to myself: “Hmmm!” Which means “I highly doubt”. My only consolation is that many marrieds may read it and add a day or two to their married lives. As for the Britons, I am sorry, I have to stop there with an assurance that number three and four were red hot. But unfortunately, according to my son, you may have to seek me out with a fat cheque before I immunise your royal wedding.

You should not spend sh153b for a marriage that will last a few billion seconds. That aside, I wish the royal couple a nice wedding, a good and fruitful marriage where we shall get a son to join the queue for kingship like his dad and grand dad have been doing since 1948.

Ugandans have the trick of waiting in the queue for that long walk to work and demand prison by refusing bail. There is no road that will not deliver you home.


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