Dr Love talks to God about love!

By Hilary Bainemigisha
hilary@auntporridge.com

I talked to God! Ho! Come here all yee pastors, bishops and prophets; receive your shot of jealousy; yes, I talked to God, the Father Himself! Me, the sinner of immaculate naughtiness! And, you know me, my mouth has no knickers; I cannot talk to God and keep it shut! I open it wide for all and sundry to marvel and deliberate. So, I hurried to narrate the event.

But, first, as I wait for your curiosity to explode, I would love to thank our senior elder and respectable citizen of Uganda, the former state minister for trade, Nelson Gagawala Wambuzi. He is a very brilliant man.

One obvious sign of his braininess is that he read my book Expert’s 100 Strategies for Love, to the end. He did not stop there; he gave me feedback: “What an excellent homework and handiwork! Your ideas are so spot on for love as they are for politics and business!”

He, again, did not stop there; he recommended it for everybody. He, again, did not stop there; he bought 10 copies to distribute.

Thank you sir, Eng. Gagawala; when I was writing for love, I never imagined that politics could share from love the skills of being presentable, selling yourself to someone’s consideration and grabbing attention from the distracted voters.

Up to today, I have been on a crusade, endearing love to my listeners, in attempts to convince them that tomorrow, our day for lovers, they have to step up and be counted! You are right; that is tantamount to a political campaign!

Baiting the Almighty

I have made it clear along my political crusade that love is a beautiful, although sensitive and delicate thing. You don’t expect pricey gems to come cheaply. That is why those who have it should celebrate tomorrow on Valentine’s Day!

It has been a foot-and-mouth campaign to rally folks into celebrating love. I have talked about love so much that some people now think we are related. At one such talk, some lady looked at me in disbelief.

She wondered where on earth I get that faith to entrust any human being with a delicate heart! Whatever answers I directed her way, she battled back with scepticism thick enough to resist an M23 onslaught. For lack of time, I had to conclude the debate with a promise of praying for her.

That is where the Almighty God came in. Till that night, this incredulous lady was on my mind. What a terrible fact that genuine lovers often get shot in the heart by abusers, misusers, and fraudulent manipulators of love.

I thought nobody could answer this question. When I nested my head on its pillow to refresh it for yet another advocacy campaign the next day, I remembered my promise to the lady. I was too tired even to kneel.

I imagined that the Christian prayer, Our Father, would do for my promise to the lady. I quickly murmured: Our Father, who art in... Someone replied in Runyankore: Wangi! I didn’t know God was a Munyankole!

Hilary Bainemigisha

The conversation

He knows English too. The rest of the conversation when I shook myself from sleep and called out again, was in English:

ME: Our Father!

GOD: Yes, my son; you called me!

ME: Are you for real? Can I see you? Have you seen my parents in your heaven? Do you actually receive my prayers? Where is the wealth I have always asked for? How come...

GOD: Calm down my son. As usual, you don’t think through your asks; you can only see me after death! Do you want to die? But I still want you yonder to fulfil the work I am doing with you about love and Aunt Porridge.

ME: Thank you. I am also not in a hurry to come. But God, preaching love is not easy. I feel like a Government spokesperson; defending the indefensible!

GOD: But you are doing a great job. Tomorrow, among the lovers who will enjoy Valentine’s Day, several will be holding on due to your word of encouragement. Tell people that I am the source of all love: My love for humans is unwavering, unconditional, and eternal. It is the foundation upon which you, humans, should build yours.

ME: When I called you, it was about this lady who told me that love is a utopian concept, crafted to lead the innocent into head-on smashes and a bait to let go of the hard-earned money.

GOD: That is why I came personally. I always see humans battling their way through romantic love. Tell her not to worry, I am the one who created the whole ‘love’ thing, after all! I have been pairing up humans for centuries, and my track record is way better than your dating sites. But, just as everything I handed over to humans on earth, you took it over, manipulated the template, added in convenience and many are using it like a tool. Love is not a utility; it is a situation. When you use love for your selfish interests, the system parts stop working harmoniously. Then you turn around and blame me! Tell Gabriella that it is not right to blame me or anyone in her life. Good people have given her happiness before and the best have left her with memories. But the people she considers bad have also given her experience and the worst, good lessons. That is a rich harvest from love!

ME: Oh, is it you who created the romantic love? On which day? I know it is a fairly new phenomenon.

GOD: Who else would have created a situation so beautiful, so comfortable, so fulfilling, and so cushioning to all the other facets of life? I did, my son. I created the beauty and complexity of human love. I gave you the capacity to love deeply, and it brings me joy to see you experience the thrill of romantic connection. I have never stopped creating. I only do it through you now. I want you to own the new things and love them as your own. My original promise to humans was to allow you use your free will. Love too is a choice, and a crazy one sometimes: I know how hard it is to love a human; I have suffered it myself; it is your turn to share in my divine sacrificial nature of dealing with humans who are basking in their assumed right of free will. But trust me, it is worth it.

ME: Many people here are suffering heartbreaks, many have ugly scars on their hearts; it makes others lose faith in their own love pathway.

GOD: Tell them that nothing good comes out of easy paths. Have you seen the road to heaven? The purest of resources in your planet have to be struggled for, my son. I initially wanted to baby-feed you as my children; but when I shared with you my creative power, you threw me out and wanted to do things your way. So, as a loving Father; I let you. When you fail, it is not bad; you learn how to better it next time. Others also learn from you. What I kept clear in this love world, is that your worth is not defined by your relationship status. You are still amazing just because you are my child. Nobody should tie their self-worth to the opinions or actions of others.

ME: Why don’t you ensure that all lovers who will step out tomorrow enjoy themselves successfully if only to inspire skeptics from shipping out of love? You are a powerful God; I am sure it is not a hard thing to do.

GOD: But have you considered the cost of that in terms of lessons lost? I let the world be so that people can be distilled by their experiences, great or terrible. I am the ultimate Valentine; I love humans more than chocolate, flowers, or a romantic dinner combined. That is why when I see my daughter playing with fire; I let her get burnt; there is nowhere else she can get those valuable bits of life lessons! So go ahead, enjoy the romance, and remember: I am always here enjoying your maturing up in the process of making mistakes.

ME: Do I get it right? That you can see your child making a mistake, enjoy it and not stop him?

GOD: You get me right. Mistakes are not bad; it is your failure to learn from them that is. No one here in heaven expects fallible humans to live a mistake-free life. People who succeed through a series of mistakes are my formidable tools of inspiration to the rest. I crown them here as Saints to keep inspiring others. But still, I never abandon any human. I always use your conscience, friends, little angels, culture, religion, society and, name it; to advise you on the proper way. And, as I promised; I still allow you to take the final decision.

ME: Isn’t love beautiful? I cannot imagine that I led you people to read till this end with an unrealistic discourse with the Almighty. But if you can do something this stupid, you can give your heart to a human being. So, get up and draw the budget for Valentine’s Day. I want to see you among the lovers tomorrow! Happy Valentine’s Day!