- The advantage with those padded bums and hips is they hold the flesh together, so one does not go wobbling down these dusty streets of ours, in tight fitting lycra pants with a dimpled, overflowing bottom.
- The disadvantage is having an inappropriate size or over exaggerated buttocks or hips. It ceases to be attractive when a pencil thin is carrying around an extra big bum. She appears to be here, but her bum is in Kotido...
By Rebecca Nalunga
Perfection is a tall order. What nature or our genes did not give us, we shall forge. There are ways around the flat bits of the body we would rather were protruded-cheap, painless ways. Enter padded underwear. They are everywhere in this town, strapped to air filled mannequins.
The idlers down town ogle at them, as they scratch their crotches and only God knows what goes on in their lewd minds as they do so; but I digress.
The cushioned buttocks and hips are a handy and interesting innovation. In our land of endowed women, I did not think anyone wore them until, I was helping a friend tuck in her top, as we got ready for a girls’ night out. I felt an airy pad on her bum as my hand adjusted her top inside her tight skirt.
I was amused because I had always considered her rather well endowed; you know, wasp waistline, and nicely rounded bottom. I had stumbled upon her secret and she did not deny. It is a fish eat fish world, she had to compete with the rest of the curvaceous female flock.
The advantage with those padded bums and hips is they hold the flesh together, so one does not go wobbling down these dusty streets of ours, in tight fitting lycra pants with a dimpled, overflowing bottom.
The disadvantage is having an inappropriate size or over exaggerated buttocks or hips. It ceases to be attractive when a pencil thin is carrying around an extra big bum. She appears to be here, but her bum is in Kotido.
Even though Carol Nassazi, a trader in underwear tries to advise her clients on the proportion of the “bum” they are buying, she says some insist they want the really big ones. That is when it hit me that those are the ones who look like they grew up in a gourd.
Nassazi says the disadvantage is that one cushion can shift with movement because it is not the right size. It scares to see one with a misplaced buttock or hip.
One cheek stuck in the middle of the back, and the other clinging on for dear life below the natural position. It is not that your eye sight is failing. No. The cushion is now askew.
The funny part is that the wearer many times is unaware of the wrong alignment and marches on confidently with her nose in the air, while the rest of us point and laugh or try to tilt our heads to make sense of what we see.
For Julius, a young man in the prime of his life, that displacement is the only thing that can give away the secret otherwise he would never know one is wearing borrowed buttocks. He will also be disappointed if he takes the shapely thing home after she has gyrated all night in the night club and in the heated passion of taking clothes off, she removes her buttocks and hips as well.
If only she wore fitting clothes that flattered her natural frame she might not have to sit by the phone waiting for him to call days after the fiery night.
In the same spirit we shall address the padded bras. It is a good idea, in this now cleavage obsessed world of fashion.
The flat chested women find a true friend in the padded bra. They go up a cup size and the ironing board chest is history.
The saggy breasted ones find a youthful bosom giver in the push up bra or wonder bra. The misguided ones are those with an already heavy bosom wearing a padded bra, often times a size smaller. The result is an illusion that the wearer has three boobs.
Three spilling, jelly like boobs. Even though the bra is less likely to shift, than the artificial buttocks, an unnaturally big bosom makes the owner look unevenly proportioned. It is all in the sizes.
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