By Angella Kateemu
I do not condone cheating. I think it is the most selfish, insensitive thing any person should have to endure. But the reality is, people do cheat; men and women alike. Not all people, of course.
The other reality is that people don’t cheat out of the blue. But can cheating be healthy for a relationship? The scenario we are working with here is that cheating has taken place or is taking place.
There are two ways to look at it: when you catch a cheating partner you will either try to work it out or you will walk away from the sadistic relationship that would probably drive you to suicide.
If you haven’t cheated, throw a big rock… ensure you don’t cheat.
To start off, last year’s Uganda Bureau of Statistics findings estimated 19% of women cheat, compared to 23% of men. These are married people, so who knows how desolate the situation is with other relationships?
Women are less likely to get caught and men, even if they are caught have a tendency to apologise, only to go back. I only point this out to note that there are many unfaithful people among us and many will never get caught (or so they believe).
Cheating is cheating
Cheaters always come up with a sophisticated justification for their cheating. However, cheating is cheating so I’m not sure why folks are so caught up on being the morally superior in their immoral actions.
Women, especially, try to fix the situation. We wonder what we’ve done to drive him to the arms of another woman. We struggle to think of ways to bring him back.
Spying, calling around, interrogating or even threatening the other woman – senseless hunt to prove what is already obvious: the relationship is broken.
Yeah, the other woman must be really evil to steal your man, but that is really not the point. She is not the one who committed to you, who promised to be true to you, and then cheated on you. Even more importantly, if it wasn’t her it would be someone else.
So why do people cheat?
A person who cheats has relationship issues of commitment, or they are no longer satisfi ed or stimulated to have sex with their current partner. Or they like various sex or the edge of illicit sex.
Others stray to remember what it is to be desirable. They are missing something in their current relationship. Often it comes down to sex for men, companionship for women.
If you were completely in love and happy, you would have no reason to jeopardise your relationship for a fi ve-minute fl ing with the girl next door? We tend to think fi rst about the family, thinking, “If he will stop, I can get through this.” But what if he doesn’t stop?
To be or not to be….
A person can’t come between two happy people. The two people in a relationship create space for the third wheel to come in. Cheating is vile and disrespectful.
When you are cheated on, it feels like your entire universe crumbles around you. The most underrated benefi t of cheating is that it opens your eyes to a relationship that is no longer nurturing your needs. So you are obligated to fix it (which is a hard paper) or to quit.