By Kalungi Kabuye
There are times when otherwise normal people choose to do things so out of this world that we can only call them extraordinary.
Like that American General during the Civil War who had the Confederates on the run, all he had to do was to cross a river and put them to rout.
But General Ambrose Burnside chose to use a narrow bridge that could only take two Union soldiers at a time and the thankful Confederates put their machine guns to full use and practically destroyed Burnside’s army.
If the General had bothered to check, he would have found the river was less than 3ft deep and they did not need to cross that narrow bridge after all.
They are people like General Burnside, who somehow manage to pull spectacular defeat out of the jaws of victory, leaving the rest of us slapping our heads and wondering: what were they thinking?
First up is Bad Black, again! This self-confessed former lady of the night takes the cake for doing the dumbest things ever. After blowing almost a billion shillings on parties, she was convicted and sentenced for that. Then she convinced the courts how her enhanced breasts needed medical attention or they would burst.
So friends collect the sh100m cash bail and got her out. What does she do after? Skips bail, skips to Malaysia and lives it up. But she also regularly posted pictures of herself having fun on social media, as if thumbing her nose at the authorities in Kampala. Not satisfied with that, she relocates next door to Rwanda, ruled by Museveni’s buddy Kagame.
Was she then surprised when she was arrested and deported to Uganda, where she was put back in jail? There is being daft, and then there is being Bad Black.
I know we are supposed to respect the President of a neighbouring country, but this business of Kenyatta and the International Criminal Court is baffling, at best.
The court investigated crimes that took place during the 2007 Kenyan elections, and found there was enough evidence to indict several Kenyan politicians including Kenyatta. But after that, the man goes and stands for President and gets elected.
He became President after he was indicted for crimes against humanity. So where does this cry that the ICC is targeting African leaders come from? Duh!
He has become something of a hero for leaking documents showing that the Americans have been spying on everybody, including their closest friends. That got people really mad, even if it common knowledge that everybody spies on everybody. All countries do it, but are lucky they do not have a Snowden to betray them yet. That is right, he betrayed his country for the sake of democracy, he said.
And then proceeded to seek asylum in China and Russia, two of the most undemocratic countries in the world. He will probably spend the rest of his life in a two-room apartment in Moscow, not allowed to see anybody and asking himself: what was I thinking?
Does anybody believe that our legislators ever think before they say or do anything? The eventual outcome of the affairs of the Kampala Lord Mayor notwithstanding, the opposition was up in arms against the proposed impeachment, saying it was undemocratic and robbed the people who elected him of their votes.
They did not stop to check that impeachment was part of the democratic process and is enshrined in the Constitution of almost all democratic countries. But what did they do after the Lord Mayor was impeached? They loudly called for the impeachment of the Minister of Kampala. Duh, somebody slap my head.