By Bob G . Kisiki
The old joke goes that the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. Do not bother denying that you secretly relish hearing rumours spread about you.
If you deny it, you will come through as unconvincing as the woman who feigns anger when many men ‘stop to ask her’, for whether she says yes or not, the typical woman loves being asked.
Well, here is a similar truth about men: Whether he can supply or not, a man loves to be depended on for provision.
This is the only reason some lose sleep when their women become independent. Let us first get into the male psyche.
Men are not arrogant creatures. Men are invincibility freaks. Same thing? No. Arrogance is conscious.
On the other hand, the man’s feeling of invincibility is a need more than a feeling. The man needs to feel desired and looked up to.
If anything crops up that bares him as not sufficient, he crumbles. It is the reason men do not usually ask for directions, because that would expose them as vulnerable or... infallible.
Do we get this sad fact?
If you do, then see why the independent woman is bad news for her man. The independence we are talking about goes beyond financial stability.
It goes beyond the woman taking her monetary, material and other more sensitive needs to the man. It involves the woman looking to her man. It means she has to crave his presence and protection.
If she does, he feels like a man. When she does not, trouble sets in.
Financial independence in a woman, however, ends up being the face of all the other ‘independencies’ in a woman that make a man feel unmasked.
Forget that many a time the man may not even be able to buy the smallest of her needs, yet when she can afford even the dearest of her needs; it spells doom for the man. Besides the feeling of disposability, he also wonders, where does her independence come from?
Whether she is employed or not, he will wonder whether she is not taking extra help from elsewhere, and hiding it in the shroud of her own earnings.
It does not help matters that when financially empowered, some women grow wings. I know one who, the richer she grew, the more violent she became.
If she was not ‘accidentally’ kicking off her muddy shoes in his direction when she returned from making her money, she was shoving him aside if she was in a hurry to go make ends meet and he was dallying in the doorway.
Sometimes it was worse; she deliberately set out to punish him for what she perceived as indolence.
With this power, it is unlikely that when a husband wants to be a man, his wife will be willing to comply. Chances are she will be thinking about how to grow her money.
We are not even saying she will be outsourcing, but for a woman who feels like her man is, in the words of one poet, ‘bags of wind’, going as far or should we say low as physical submission becomes an act of sacrifice, and not many people find sacrifice something easy to do.
So for a man who once held forte in his territory, to be the one begging for this or that is, in a way, the equivalent of castration.